Walking together on a journey - sharing experiences, tears, anger and sometimes even laughter. United we stand, divided we fall.

[shabbatheGreek]

This special thread was started in 2008. Its a special place - one which nobody would ever willingly come to. I hope we pay tribute to our lost children by helping each other. xxxx

I have Will, Paddy and Rory. Very Irish!

Great names x

Thank you shabbs

Been to the doc. Now on anti-depressant/sleeping stuff to try and break the 3.10 am wakefulness that is my current habit. Only for a month to try and get some balance back.

How did you all manage?

A dear friend once said to me......'all you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and dont forget to breathe!'

I didn't see anyone - counsellor etc etc and didn't take any medication at all..........it was, quite possibly, one of the most stupid, ridiculous decisions I have ever made.

We all have to do, what we have to do to 'get through' all this sadness.

I hope they improve the sleep pattern thing.....its awful xx

Thanks shabbs. Might make a change from just taking wine. That didn't do much good and is soooo fattening!
We can only do what we can do. I sometimes forget to breathe when I'm crying and go all blue in the face and unattractively blotchy It goes against the grain to take medication, but I'm not much good at the moment and it can't make things worse.
Hope you get a good sleep too.

Night night all. because there isn't a smiley for pills!!!

Hi everyone. Sorry it's been a while since I checked in. Just need the right moment to post, and they aren't always hard to find at present.

Shabbs I used to drive through Greenford on my way to work, I wonder if I ever passed your pub? And I love your bus-driver too. But really sad to hear about all the messing around with your benefits, it sounds very scary to have your finances mucked around like that. Any chance it will be sorted soon?

lily it is the 'firsts' of sliding back into what was your life which can be really challenging. Well done for going back to your workplace. It doesn't matter about crying.

heavenly I had a lovely Tesco delivery man who asked me "how is my little girl" soon after Mia died, and he was the very first stranger I told about her. He was just lovely, as I started to cry, as he gave me a hug - and then told me that he also had two children who had died. I hadn't seen him for a while, and then he turned up a few months ago again, and he was so delighted to meet Finn.

Love your SIL!! Talk about a double-edged comment - recognising that Sylvie-Rose was part of your family, then hurting you all over again…

Ladies, I would appreciate your advice. I have some booklets about getting ready for when your child is not going to get better, given to me by my bereaved group, for my friend whose son hasn't long to live. I don't really know how to approach giving them to her, or even if I should. She did originally as me how I coped when Mia died, but I feel I am on 'the wrong side' of my child's death, as it happened without warning. What would you do?

MIAs, that is so hard. Would your friend be ready to accept those leaflets? Does she seem to have accepted that he will die? I think there is a difference between knowing and accepting.

Hiya Mias - benefits should be 100 per cent ALL sorted next week!!

We were assistant managers at the Railway pub, next to the tube station in Greenford. We later went onto manage a pub in Stanmore, Middlesex. Seems like another life now.......mind you it was late 70's early 80's.

Morning girls xx

Morning girls.

shabbs big fat hurrah! I bet you can't wait. That will be a massive weight off your mind.
Mia's hmmmm. Difficult. I know somebody who is in the hideous position of her son being terminall ill and just fading away too. Would Winston's Wish (fantastic charity for bereaved children and their parents, teachers, friends etc) be able to give you advice? Their number is 08452 03 04 05 and the link to their page is www.winstonswish.org.uk I have called them in the past to ask for advice for helping a pupil who's father had died. I also emailed. They are incredibly kind and helpful. I don't envy you that one.
to you all.

Christmas week they put £23 in the bank for us we just went crazy and bought all kinds of stuff

Morning girls xx

afternoon all xx

Evening all. xx

Morning girls xx

Morning girls xx

Aloha ladies. How are you all tonight?

Morning girls - way too tired this morning. My sleep is all over the place!

Hi everybody. Mia's - I read your greeting as "alcohol". Maybe that says something about me.

I dreamed about my DS for the first time last night. I felt happy I'd seen him (it was one of those dreams where you think it's really happened) but terribly sad as he was in a bad situation. Highs and lows in the same dream.

Do you dream about your DC? I feel cheated that I don't usually dream about him.

I hardly ever dream about my boys - when I do its always a massive anxiety type nightmare. The kind that you wake up from gasping for breath.....slowly go back to sleep and then it starts all over again. My dreams always involve being lost and not knowing how to find the children and where our house is. Would love to dream about them in a good, happy dream xx

Morning girls xx

Hi guys, it's me white.
How are you all doing?

Me, well I'm up n down a lot ATM as it's ds1 baby white, second birthday and anniversary coming up
Same day

Since I've had ds2 a lot of people expect me to be totally fine now
And I feel under pressure from people, like there a family party on ds1 birthday and anniversary and I said I don't feel upto it
Dad said come on you will be ok
And mum said they will have to go as life goes on
Wasn't expecting them not to go
But the life goes on comments have been ringing round my ears since it's been said to me

Couple of nights ago had a bad dream my dad telling me come on it's been two years now

As my ds1 died shortly after he was born on the same day, a lot people act like he didn't exist
In a way to them he didn't
It's an unusual situation

I find it v v hard when people say to me when they see ds2 in his pram, is he your first ?how many do you have?

Ds2 is doing great and we love him to bits and feel v v lucky to have him and dd
But my heart still aches for ds1 too

Dd was listening to disney songs on youtube earlier and baby mine came on, and I was choaking back tears
As that was one of he he songs we considered for ds1 funeral
Didn't pick that one but played it a lot at the time and it really reminds me of ds1
Plus today in the supermarket I smelled some hyacinths
There was two wreaths that had hyacinths and everyday when we went to ds1s grave for the first month you could really smell the hyacinths so the smell really reminds me of ds1

Just when I hear this song or smell that smell
It's like my lungs can't take the air in properly like they only half fill with air and I can't quite breathe properly
Yet I can't stop doing it

I wasn't expecting the second annivesary to be this tough, I thought it would be easier

I am falling over tired, but didn't want to read and run.... I'll reply properly tomorrow. I just want to send you a big hug tonight (in case you look tonight and don't think anybody's seen). I hope you get some peace and sleep tonight.

The first thing I wanted to say though (before I sleep - hopefully) is how sorry I am about your DS) other stuff can wait. XXX

shabbs I'm know what you mean about dreams. I'd LOVE to have a normal real-life feel happy dream about my DS. Maybe one day.
Sleep tight. XX

Lily I have had happy dreams about Mia, but there is such a profound sadness on waking and realising that it is a dream… but I haven't dreamt about her in months and months.

diamond Do what feels right to you. Don't go. It's fine. Follow your heart rather than simply keeping others happy. People say these silly things because they want you to be 'better' and they don't like to think of you in pain as you mourn DS1. Often well-intentioned, but thoughtless just the same. Sure, a rainbow child is a blessing, and a balm in some ways, but your DS2 will never, never replace your DS1. It is natural and right to remember and love and grieve for your little boy who isn't here with you. I would be incredibly upset if someone said "Life goes on" to me. Yes - their lives do. Yours does - in a fashion, but not in a way that they can understand. But the life of your DS1 has not gone on. How can that not be worthy of mourning and recognition?

Here's a quote that I saw from another bereaved mother, which explains this well

"My child died. I don't need advice. All I need is for you to gently close your mouth, open wide your heart and walk with me until I can see in colour again." Angela Miller.