5 months pregnant and my fiance has just passed away

[Soppykiss]

My fiance died two weeks ago and I am just over 5 months. He was diagnosed with cancer the same day I found out I was pregnant. I just don't know if I can do this without him. I've not bought anything for the baby and I really don't know how I feel right now. I'm functioning because I know he would have wanted me to be strong and look after the baby but it's hard.

[IcanandIwill]

Thinking of you and hoping you are getting some rest.

[NeverBeenToMe]

Hope yesterday went smoothly - you sound an amazingly strong person Soppy and I am sure you did him proud

[whatty]

Also thinking of you soppykiss. By some random coincidence, I think Jon worked at the same firm of accountants as my husband, as he talked about Jon over the past few months and told me when he passed away. Having had a baby four months ago, my heart went out to you when my husband told me the very sad news. You sound like you are doing so much wonderful stuff to ensure your baby knows Jon and how wonderful he was which I am sure they will treasure. I know that Jon was much loved by his colleagues and much respected too. I hope the funeral wasn't too difficult, and that you keep drawing on the support of all those around you- including your mumsnet buddies. Take care, xx

[differentnameforthis]

Sorry for your loss

[SanctuaryMoon]

So sorry for your loss, Soppy x

[Titchyboomboom]

You have been in my thoughts since you posted the topic. Sending lots of love

[Soppykiss]

It's now just over two months since Jon passed away and I honestly can't believe that I've managed to get through each day.

Jon's funeral was a blur, my main focus of the day was doing my reading, if I crumbled afterwards then so be it. Jon's family and I all managed our readings without breaking down, it was our love for Jon that got us through it.

We were amazed how many people came to the funeral, around the 300 mark. A mixture of ages and people that he knew, he some of his clients turned up. Which honestly was amazing.

I felt like I was in a gold fish bowl. I know people meant well but I didn't have a moment to myself. I had people saying the wrong thing to me throughout the day, two instances stick in my mind, one person moaned about their wife and I actually told them that they were lucky, harsh but true. Another person told me how excited Jon was when he told her about his proposal to me, and she started talking to me about the wedding planning. I told her it's not something I can listen to, and her response was at least you have your engagement ring and your baby. I've learnt that silence can say a 1000 words.

I still can't quite get my head around the fact that Jon is no longer here, it scares me to think that in time my memory will fade and with each passing year it will be another year without him.

My feelings towards bump have changed massively, before I was worried about resenting the baby and whether we would bound. Now I can't wait to hold my baby in my arms, it's having a sense of purpose that is now driving me. I need someone to love, my love for Jon will never fade but right now I have no where to channel it. I'm almost 33 weeks pregnant and my only objective is to get through my labour without focusing on the fact that Jon should be there with me.

I'm trying to focus my energy in a positive way and I must admit there are days when I do shut the door on the world, but then there are others when I think I need to do this for Jon/bump.

Jon's fundraising page has been live now for just over two months and in that time we've managed to raise just over 17k excluding gift aid. The tributes on the page are so genuine and heart warming. I always worried that when I spoke about Jon I sounded biased but the tributes just confirm everything I ever thought about him and a whole lot more.

The hardest part about losing Jon is that he wasn't just my fiance he was my best friend too, we shared everything and I've lost the better half of me.

Whatty - it is my Jon that your husband was referring to. The support the company have shown myself and Jon's family is truly amazing. Last weekend I found out that they had held a dress down day in Jon's memory and donated the proceeds to his fundraising page and a colleague of Jon's also donated his leaving collection too. It's nice to know that just because Jon is out of sight he isn't out of mind. I've had letters and donations passed on to me from Jon's clients. My boy touched so many hearts.

I want to thank everyone who has posted on my thread and to everyone who has shared their experiences. It really means a lot, and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to say thank you xx

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Soppy, you and Jon sound amazing. Holding you and your baby in my thoughts xx

[Owllady]

oh sweetheart, i am so sorry but you are being so very brave x

Your memory of him wont fade either, it will always stay the same. I haven't lost a partner but a sister and I think of her every day, life goes on, but it doesn't mean you forget someone. I even watch stuff on tv and think she would like it iykwim, even now!

It's great people are thinking of you both. Do look afetr yourself

[Soppykiss]

I know it's a little late but I thought I would update my post... I had a little girl, she was born 13 days over due. Thankfully Jon and I had chosen a girl's name, which was Yasmin. I've given Yasmin Jon's initials as her middle name, which is JP. I like the fact that it's rather unusual, when people ask her about her middle name she can always reference her daddy. She is absolutely amazing. I ended up having a c section, as her head wasn't in the right position and she weighed a whopping 11lbs 12oz.

[scarlettsmummy2]

Congratulations, that's a really lovely name. I bet her daddy will be watching down beaming with pride. Hugs.

[beginnings]

Soppy I've only just found your thread but wanted to say many many congratulations. I hope you have lots of support as you get to know Yasmin and watch her grow into a beautiful beautiful girl.

[sydlexic]

Congratulations, I hope she brings you much joy.

[MoreThanWords]

Congratulations! Wishing you much happiness in this chapter of your life xx

[bluestar2]

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. What a whopping weight. I hope as she grows and develops her own personality you will get to see the little traits of her daddy bloom in her and this brings you joy in your terribly sad times. Well done for getting to this point x

[TwentyTinyToes]

Congratulations in the birth of your daughter and what a beautiful name! I remember reading your thread with tears in my eyes, i wondered how you were doing, thank you for updating. Sending you much love. X

[lurkedtoolong]

I've just found this thread. So sorry for the loss of Jon but many congratulations on the birth of Yasmin and how wonderful to give her her daddy's initials as her middle name. I hope this is the beginning of a happy time in your life. Sending much love xx

[ChippingInHopHopHop]

Congratulations :) It's lovely you had chosen her name together.

She certainly was a whopper

How are you doing?

[5madthings]

lovely update, congratulations on the birth of your daughter and welcome to the world not so little Jasmin!


i am sure this time will be bitter sweet but i hope you are enjoying the precious newborn momemts, much love to you xx

[5madthings]

welcome to the world yasmin...not jasmin, sorry auto correct!

[Doha]

Such a sad thread but what a wonderful update.

Hello to baby Yasmin from all her MN aunties.

Congratulations soppy Jon will be smiling on you both from above and cheering you on

[Mumrose]

Congratulations!Stay strong for your lil girl.May she bring lots of joy in your life and be a wonderful reminder of your partner

[ClartyCarol]

Congratulations, have just read all of this thread - so sad but also joyful - enjoy yours and Jon's baby girl. Wishing you much strength, courage and happy times ahead.