Thank you all, just writing this is providing some comfort and I will definitely look into your recommendations.
I met Jon online about 4 years ago, I always said it was fate that we were meant to be together. We would often be at the same place at the same time. Jon proposed to me in November, we were hoping to get married next year, once the baby was old enough to toddle down the aisle.
Jon was very witty, handsome and intelligent - he gained a 1st at uni and had been working as an accountant. At the age of 31 he decided to go back to uni part time as he wanted to become a lawyer, he was offered a training contract at a human rights law firm for 2014. He had beaten 300 other candidates for the role. Jon was never smug with his intelligence either, always patient with me and would often proof read all my important work emails.
He was one of lifes nice guys, he would walk on the outside of me so he would be the one closest to the road. I set up a fundraising page in his memory on the 22/1 and as it stands today it is at £11,635 without gift aid. The comments are amazing, he really did touch everyone's hearts.
I've started putting stuff together for the baby, I've got his twitter and facebook account turned into a book. I'm going to print out all the comments from the fundraising page and put them into a book. I found a youtube clip of him being interviewed once, so baby will always know what daddy sounded like. Jon also wrote a blog when he was travelling a few years ago, I am getting that turned into a book too. I'm thinking about trying to sell it online and donating the money to one of the charities that gave him a great source of comfort throughout his illness.
I'm trying to be proactive, but it's at night when I struggle - I keep thinking about him when he was ill and I can't push those thoughts out of my head.