My fiance died two weeks ago and I am just over 5 months. He was diagnosed with cancer the same day I found out I was pregnant. I just don't know if I can do this without him. I've not bought anything for the baby and I really don't know how I feel right now. I'm functioning because I know he would have wanted me to be strong and look after the baby but it's hard.
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Bereavement
5 months pregnant and my fiance has just passed away
108 replies
Soppykiss · 02/02/2013 23:56
OP posts:
Lostonthemoors ·
04/02/2013 00:15
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cafecito ·
04/02/2013 00:35
Soppy you're being incredibly strong. Jon will always be with you with your child and that is a really incredible thing. I'm just so sorry you're having to go through this.
I certainly don't think I was treated differently as a child at all, it was just how it was. I never felt especially different to the other children (although I realised I was different when I was 3 and attending nursery- and I asked why they had a daddy and I didn't- but my grandmother told me what happened and I remember vividly saying ''oh ok'' and carrying on bouncing on my trampoline. The only thing that has been hard is not knowing much about my father, my mother wouldn't really talk about him but I know some stories from his family and from my maternal aunt and grandparents. I wish I had more than one photograph, and I wish my mother had kept some of his notebooks and things (he used to be incredibly gifted at physics and maths and I would have been so interested to see this stuff). I guess, do be aware that the child won't miss Jon because they will have never met Jon, but that fact alone might be difficult during their adolescence - there could be a void - but it sounds like you have that covered already by backing up all the stuff you have. Also, if there are special hobbies or activities that Jon enjoyed, try and do them with your child- be it rockclimbing, or caving, or whatever. Little things like that will really make all the difference. I really haven't been affected by it growing up, to me it's as if my parents got divorced or something which is obviously really not uncommon. and you sound absolutely lovely - it's just so shitty and awful when such dreadful things happen 
but there are others out there, you are sadly not alone - reach out and share. Cry as much as you need to, and take as much help and support as you can for the immediate period after baby arrives which is likely to be pretty hard I would think emotionally.
(hope I'm not too negative or too patronising!)
keep on posting xx
Ragwort ·
04/02/2013 20:20
So very sorry, deepest sympathy.
My father also died when my mother was 5 months pregnant, she said the whole experience made her very, very strong and she did a wonderful job of bringing me up (with help from her parents for the first few months).
She remarried when I was 4 and my step father (& his extended family) were all incrediby kind to me - obviously I didn't know any different.
Be sure to keep photographs, keepsakes etc to pass on to your child and share the memories, my mother never held back from talking about my father to me and even recently (she is 80 now 
) she reminded me to ask her anything at all as she knows she won't be around herself much longer ! It also helped to keep up friendships with my father's friends (ie: two were made Godparents).
Thinking of you, keep strong.
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