Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Help please - trying to arrange funeral for my baby is so hard, I don't know what to do

201 replies

ruthlouise · 29/03/2006 15:46

We lost our precious son at 18+3 weeks gestation on 17th March after a prolonged threatened miscarriage. Have finally decided on cremation which will happen on 7th april in the morning but I'm not coping well with the details of it.

I'm coping ok most of the time but this bit is sooo hard Sad. I know he's dead and gone and that's just a body that will be in the coffin but I can't bear the thought of it.

Its been difficult to think about the service because I have a faith (although very shaken now) but dh is a humanist. This afternoon the funeral directors rang to ask what type of service we want. They suggested a universalist which I've okayed. But its all the details like music, poetry etc. Then she asked about dressing him etc and did I want to see him in the chapel of rest. Its doing me in. I desperately want to see him again but i know he won't look how I want him to look.

I haven't a clue about service content, neither has dh who is working away at the moment. I'm afraid of not doing the right thing and regretting it later. I already have so many regrets.

I'm also scare stiff at the thought of the moment when the coffin goes through the curtain at the end of the service. The only other time I've been to a funeral or seen that happen is at my mums nearly 11 years ago Sad

Does anyone have any experience of this or suggestions of music etc?

thank you

OP posts:
hulababy · 07/04/2006 10:33

Thinking of you and your baby today.

JanH · 07/04/2006 10:36

Wishing you the strength you need to get through today and hoping you find some peace afterwards. Thinking of both of you and Isaac. X

Angeliz · 07/04/2006 10:36

+thinking of you+
Hope you get the goodbye you want+

mancmum · 07/04/2006 10:38

hope today brings you some peace.... thinking of you and Isaac

wilbur · 07/04/2006 10:50

Thinking of you, your dh and Isaac today, ruthlouise. xx

Esmummy · 07/04/2006 11:26

Thinking of you all x

georginarf · 07/04/2006 11:28

Have been following this thread and it's brought tears to my eyes many times.
my thoughts are with you all today x

Ledodgy · 07/04/2006 11:28

Thinking of you all today.x

purpleturtle · 07/04/2006 11:47

Hope today is all you need to be Ruthlouise. Thinking of and praying for you and your family.

blueshoes · 07/04/2006 12:40

ruthlouise, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope you and dh will find peace and comfort in this time of sorrow.

claire7676 · 07/04/2006 13:04

Ruthlouise, Mark and Issac, my thoughts and prayers are with you xxx

allyco · 07/04/2006 13:19

thinking of all of you today ruthlouise xx

Nbg · 07/04/2006 13:29

Lots of love to you all RL.
xxxxxxxx

006 · 07/04/2006 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

adambanks · 07/04/2006 14:10

Thinking of you at this tragic time.

Adam
xxx

BeckiF · 07/04/2006 16:56

Hoping today gave you the chance to say farewell for now in the best way. Love and hugs your way xxx

amber5 · 07/04/2006 20:02

Been thinking of you and your family today xxx

brimfull · 07/04/2006 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FastasleepInABunnySuit · 07/04/2006 20:05

Been thinking of you too (just a lurker on this thread as nothing I could have said would have helped in the lightest) xxxx

tallmummy · 07/04/2006 20:16

Ruthlouise I've been praying hard for you. Thought about you lots today. God bless.

wendy11 · 07/04/2006 21:00

ruthlouise - my thoughts and prayers have been with you today and I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers over the coming days and weeks. I hope today was as easy as possible and that you have been able to say goodbye to your little boy in a peaceful and dignified manner. Take care of yourselves.

Wendy
xx

Original poster
ruthlouise · 07/04/2006 22:01

The service this morning was so beautiful and gentle - it will be a precious memory even though it was a very sad time.

I read the 'O precious tiny one' poem.
I also read Isaac a bedtime story (many thanks to you Coolmama for the suggestion). It was not easy to do but this was very important as I knew it would be the only opportunity that i would ever have to do this for him. I read 'Guess how much I love you'(Thank you 006). I hadn't pre-arranged this with the officiant as I really didn't think I'd have the strength to do it on the day but she was lovely and supportive of our wishes. I felt very sad of course, and I cried but I also felt at peace. I felt that I had done all that could for Isaac to say goodbye to him with love and dignity for him.

Although there was only us physically saying Goodbye to Isaac, I felt that there were many more people with us in thought and spirit which gave me much comfort and peace. I read the latest messages posted here before I went to the service - I felt 'held' and supported by the love and prayers sent by so many people iyswim. I have been able to draw so much strength from this thread through some of the hardest times. Thank you, you really are wonderful people and I hope to meet many of you again on happier threads in the future.

ps
Penpal (((((hugs))))

OP posts:
CarlyP · 07/04/2006 22:03

i am so pleased that you found comfort in todays service for isaac ruthlouise.

thinking of you and your family.

cx

Nbg · 07/04/2006 22:04

I'm so glad you got to do it how you wanted.
Lots of {{{{hugs}}}} to you and your dh RL.

xxxxxxx

mancmum · 07/04/2006 22:07

was touched and moved by your strength to read the most powerful parent/child story there is at his funeral... I hope you get a lot of comfort from that over the years... you did well.. you have been inspirational to me...

Swipe left for the next trending thread