Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

[Bluetinkerbell]

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

friend is upset and very lonely. I've said I'll be there.

So sorry about your friend's Mum Chip x

My poor friend. In the garden she talked to me and said she feels so alone now. She has no dp, no dc's and her parents were everything to her. She does have a db and a dsis but they haven't been getting along v. well.
She and her sis have always rubbed each other up the wrong way and I think her mum's long illness didn't help matters.
So when things have settled down we are going to go out on the town!
And today, when she asked me if I believed in an afterlife, I was able to say emphatically, yes! Didn't have to think about it. Her parents and my parents were the best of friends, went on holidays together, always enjoyed each others' company. I like to think that they are all in the same lovely place, having drinks and passing Sylvie-Rose from lap to lap.
The last time I saw her Mum on Wednesay, I told her I'd see her again. And she said "We will. And we'll all be brighter!" And even on her deathbed, when she was so, so weak, I could see this lovely "light" from her. She will go straight to Heaven.

chip your friend must be so grateful to have you there to share her pain, and give her the confidence that she will see her mother again one day. I must say that I think you are again showing your Amazonian traits by showing her such love, when the situation itself must feel very raw for you.

I am have a massive clean-up and clear-out, partly prompted by the time I have been away, and possibly also by early nesting syndrome... nearly 25 weeks now, but haven't yet bought anything for the baby, still feel I can't. I was cleaning all Mia's photos yesterday, and it made me sad, as instead, I should be wiping her face clean from her beloved raspberries and squash and porridge...

It is 7 weeks now since our lovely DD3 died after a battle with a brain tumour. One step at a time is all I can do, just missing her so much. We are due to go on holiday on Friday, just a few days at the coast, we felt it might be a good thing to do as a family, not looking forward to packing up and going without her though. At least we can come home if we can't handle it.
It is in everything I do - I am doing it without her, and pain is terrible. Just glad she is free from pain, but we are not. X.

3girlies, when we went away after losing Sylvie-Rose, it wasn't the same but it was a break xx

Mias 25 weeks! Where did the time go?

Thanks, yes, just hoping it will be a break, but it is all first times of doing things without her at the moment.
MiaAlexandra's mummy hope you are keeping well, I need to clean the photo's myself but keep putting it off as it is so sad. X.

The firsts are so hard. I am hoping that after her first anniversary that we will have fewer of those.

Aw, 3girlies! ((()))). 6 weeks here. Going away in October, too. Without her.

Much love to you expat! It was 7 wks on Monday, Sunday is always very bad for me because it is the last time Flora spoke to me. Think about you often. Didn't want to go away at all, but doing it for the other two girls - the thought of sitting at home for the whole school holiday seemed worse. See how we go eh?
X.

3girlies/expat we have just got back from a week in Spain. First time away without him. 5 months after he died. I wont lie it was hard and I am glad to be back, didnt realise how much I liked the familiarity of my house! - but am also glad that the first one is out the way and hopefully next time will feel a little easier. I did manage to have some smiles and laughs with the boys although they couldnt see my tears behind my sunglasses! It definitely was not as bad as I had feared, I really hope its the same for you. Lots of love xxxx

I have to watch video clips to hear her voice. She was on a vent for 9 days before she died and unconscious.

We don't have memories of Sylvie-Rose on holidayl. Apart from trips when I was pregnant with her.
And we never recorded her voice.

Oh, chip! We all feel so robbed, don't we? We were.

For days after she died dh kept playing this song to himself on youtube.
I feel it's "her" song but find it very hard to listen to, now.

That is so moving, chip. Aillidh has her song, too. So many songs now, too, I can't listen to them at all.

I remember her cry. A real, feisty indignant cry as if she couldn't understand why we were being so mean as to bath her or change her! I can kind of hear it in my head if I listen.
C, please be another Nana to my little girl. I remember you exclaiming in delight at her name when I told you but still getting it wrong! But I wasn't annoyed with you for getting it wrong as I would have been with other people. Your lovely Tipperary accent going "Sylvia Rose! Well! Isn't that lovely!" I'm going to your removal and funeral and I promise I will look after A. She will be so lonely without you. You were her rock.

Today I was driving home from work. The sun was shining but suddenly through the sun came pelting rain. "Weird weather" I thought but then said to myself "Sylvie-Rose is making a rainbow for me" And yes, when I looked in the rear-view mirror, a perfect luminous rainbow appeared. Clever girl!

You are so right, too, when you said that every day we are without them is a day we are closer to seeing them again.

And it may not seem like it now but it will seem when we get there that it's flown by.

I think fioled said that first.
And someone probably said it to her.
A chain of bereft mothers, holding hands.

Kevin Wells put it as 'a lifetime of loss'.

I simply can't listen to music on the radio now. The music in my heart has gone.

How can life be so impossible, yet real at the same time? I love you so much, darling girl.

I was just thinking about her this morning. In the incubator the nurses used to make a nest out of a blanket rolled into a doughnut shape then covered with another blanket. If Sylvie-Rose was placed on her back, she would stretch out her long skinny legs, spreadeagled. One of the nurses, a lovely guy, used to say "Sylvie-Rose, it's fine to lie that that when you're a baby but not when you're a teenager!"
We all thought one day, she'd be a teenager.

Chip (((hugs))) xx

I'm going to be a bit self-indulgent (sorry). It really is the most trivial of my problems, but I don't want to talk about the other stuff here, so will moan about the trivial.

Dsis's friend had a DD, who is 2.5 weeks younger than DD1. Dsis didn't give DD1 a birthday card this year, let alone a present (nor did my Dbro).

Mum just phoned me to say that Dsis was screaming at their house, as she needs someone to go buy a present for her friend's DD, as she hasn't time.

What annoys me is the DD's birthday would have been the middle of July, so ages ago, so Dsis can't use the excuse that she forgot DD1's birthday (which is the excuse she gave), when she then buys for her friend's DD, so much later. Dsis has always been like this. Her friend's birthday is the same day as DS's, but she always forgot her nephew, but never her friend.

I've got so much stress atm with DS, so this is stupidly trivial, but I do feel like saying something pointed on FB (her friend is friends with me too)... just to point out that my Dsis is not the loving aunty she portrays herself to be.

I've been very down too recently. I was looking at videos of DD1 last year, when I was happy & pregnant - when I was 'safe'. I get angry with DS when his poor youngest sister didn't have a chance. I'm so bloody angry with everyone right now.

Sorry for the rant xx

Rant away, Tamisara, that's why we're here!

chip, we all thought Aillidh would make it, too.