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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

994 replies

Bluetinkerbell · 14/06/2012 15:51

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

OP posts:
fioled · 15/06/2012 08:56

Morning all.

So far today I'm too scared to look outside my front door or open the curtains incase I see pink 'happy 2nd birthday' banners and balloons for my next doors little girl. You all might remember she was born the day before Belle died just to add to the twisting of the knife.

I cope well with her now mostly. But not today.

Last year the banners were up all over Belle's birthday too because they just left them there instead of taking them down and I didn't want to come across as unreasonable asking for them down.

I'm being unreasonable, they've every right to celebrate her birthday. The timing is just so shit.

Original poster
Bluetinkerbell · 15/06/2012 09:39

fioled hugs for you lovely lady! and you'll get some real ones tomorrow! x

OP posts:
Helyantha · 15/06/2012 09:48

For my beautiful, shining boy, still bouncing with all the other Tiggers :) x

Mechavivzilla · 15/06/2012 10:09

oh fioled that must be so hard to see :( you re not being unreasonable at all, it is not fair that the rest of the world gets to carry on as normal.

chip and mias that is such a beautiful piece of writing! I had a proper bawl reading it, just so lovely. A wonderful tribute to a much loved, special girl.

frasersmummy · 15/06/2012 12:08

mecha you hit the nail on the head .. the rest of the world gets to carry on as normal even though our world has been ripped apart and turned upside dow

its just so shit isnt...

fioled I dont think i could cope with that .. I would have all my curtains shut or would take myself out somewhere that i cant see it

So many sad dates for so many of us this month

fioled · 15/06/2012 12:13

Well I've been outside, no birthday paraphernalia. Phew. Have opened curtains.

Firsttobed · 15/06/2012 12:31

Oh chip you didn't fail Sylvie-Rose, you loved her so much, and it's clear to me from what you say that you showed her that every day. I showed my boy that too, I know we all did. mech the kind words of my professor will never leave me, he told me that we could blame him for the decision that we had to make and it seems to help so much in the bad days. The words of your consultant must be a comfort to you x

fioled good, I'm glad they're not there. I can't imagine how hard that is. Thinking of you xx (I don't know who you were Smile)

It's little B's 2 month anniversary today. I've cried all morning, not helped by listening to Doreen Lawrence on Desert Island Discs talking about her son Stephen. She spoke about her loss so movingly. I know that what she's been through can't compare to my loss but it brought little B to the forefront of my thoughts. Over the last week or two I've tried to be so strong and distance myself from the depth of emotion that would just overwhelm me if I were to let it. I'm scared of feeling that again, yet feel bad for not wanting it.

On a brighter note, his remember bench came today (finally) so somewhere for me to sit and think. However I will have to wait for the rain to stop...

KateRaeganandMichael · 15/06/2012 13:07

In loving memory of my darling boys, Nathan and Stanley, born 31/5/12 I will love you forever.
My boys service is happening today at 4:15 at the Basingstoke crematorium I can't tell you how much I wish it pisses it down throughout.

Theor "announcement" was put into the local Gazette yesterday and it has finally hit home that this is really happening no matter how much I try and pretend that it's not.

Also, thank you guys for the other thread I can't tell you how much I appreciate you guys (and will) x

Katie

orion3 · 15/06/2012 13:28

Oh Kate, I'll be thinking of you all today and hoping for rain if that's what you need.
Lots of love to you.xx

Charleymouse · 15/06/2012 13:32

In loving memory of my beautiful twin boy Benjamin. 03/04/2007

Who knew that 5 years could pass in the blink of an eye yet feel as though it has taken forever.

Thinking of all of you who have lost someone out of the natural order of things. It should not be allowed and is so desperately sad.

shabbapinkfrog · 15/06/2012 13:41

Have missed you Charley xxx

Charleymouse · 15/06/2012 14:15

Hi Shabba

Will be thinking of you later Kate. There are a few of us on here who have lost multiples or a multiple so you are in a good place for support but by gosh it is hard.

Firsttobed · 15/06/2012 14:15

Thinking of you this afternoon kate and I hope that you find peace and comfort in their service xx

chipmonkey · 15/06/2012 14:55

Will be thinking of you today, Kate and hoping for rain.

shabbapinkfrog · 15/06/2012 15:59

OK my friends. Im sorry to bring this up all over again but I have been reminded about something I did just after Xmas. I did the Xmas thread and then, when it was coming to an end, I private messaged Everlong. At the time I was very, very dubious about some posters on the thread...I asked Everlong to start the new one off for me so that the people I was doubting wouldn't! Yes, slightly childish, but it was how I felt at the time. Normally whoever was doing the current thread would ask someone else to do a new one as that thread was coming to an end.....and then, Mumsnet in their wisdom devised PMessaging. I private messaged Everlong because I didn't have the guts to say it on the thread. Think that private messaging is quite possibly the worst MN invention.

frasersmummy · 15/06/2012 17:13

what exactly would you like us to say to that shabs??

shabbapinkfrog · 15/06/2012 17:20

Nowt love Smile just something that I needed to do. Right got a houseful of weird and wonderful relatives here....back later!!

twinklesunshine · 15/06/2012 17:21

Remembering my little boy who died on the 21st March aged 3 very suddenly. Having a hard day today as his pre school teacher came to visit and brought with her his book about his progress and a collage of all the photos of him there. Can't even bare to look at it, he only got to go for 6 months and was so happy there. Can't believe that life was only 12 weeks ago it seems like a lifetime already. xxxx

fioled · 15/06/2012 17:34

hope today passed as perfectly and peacefully as it could Kate xx

frasersmummy · 15/06/2012 17:53

hey kate how are you tonight .. stupid question ..

i am guessing utterly utterly drained and defeated and just want to be left alone tonight.. we are here if you do feel like talking

Tamisara · 15/06/2012 18:04

Kate I hope you had a lovely send off for your two precious boys xx

twinkle I don't blame you for not being able to look at the book. In time I'm sure it will bring you great pleasure, being able to look back with fondness, on a time your son was happy, and how well he did. In a way the book will become a testimony to how much your son actually 'lived his life', in such a short amount of time. 12 weeks is nothing, but yes, it is also a lifetime. (((hugs))) xx

tallulahpolly · 15/06/2012 18:14

Remembering our darling Jacob,born 8/10/11 died 13/10/11. We finally got to hold you at the most important time in your short life. I hope you felt our love for you as you slipped peacefully away. You are my beautiful boy and I will always hold you in my heart.
Kate-thinking of you tonight.

KateRaeganandMichael · 15/06/2012 18:44

Hi all, today went in a perfect blur (if that makes sense) their casket looked beautiful (they were together) the only thing that went wrong was 1. The taxi we got to the crematorium was BRIGHT YELLOW, I am going to be calling them tomorrow when I get the strength. 2. We completely forgot to take pictures. (I am so annoyed at myself!) It really was quite beautiful I couldn't take my eyes off the boys. Luckily we have the flowers, 2 teddies and an N and an S. And 3. Probably worse than anything else my dad decided he couldn't make it because he had a wedding to go to...
I have always been estranged from him, but I am more disappointed than anything else.
I nearly fainted walking up to the building and when I saw the casket through the window, I think I cried throughout. dd was a bit cheeky and kept the masses entertained. I do feel a bit sorry for her because I was such a mess.

Tamisara · 15/06/2012 19:19

Kate I am so sorry about your dad. The one time in the world that you needed him... Don't let his absence taint the day though. You know who your friends are, I'm afraid to say... I probably wouldn't be able to forgive my dad, if he'd done that, but the ball is in your court - so to speak. He will have to live with the regret of not being there for them, or you.

It's understandable that you felt faint, it's such a physical, as well as emotional, thing; grief really is systemic.

Don't worry about your DD. You love and miss her siblings, she will be proud of you xx

shabbapinkfrog · 15/06/2012 19:30

Kate Im glad your DD went to say goodbye to her brothers. I have a friend who, when they were much younger, was in a terrible house fire. Out of the 5 children just one little boy lost his life. None of the children were allowed to the funeral and he was never spoken about again. This friend now cannot show her feelings of grief or sadness. She also cannot go near anyones funeral. Just wanted to say that (and please forgive me if this upsets you - it is not meant to) to turn up in a bright yellow taxi sounds perfect for your circumstances....I associate yellow with sunflowers and then associate sunflowers with my sons. I bet nobody even noticed or thought anything of it. Im so sorry that your Dad felt he couldn't be there but what is most important is your boys immediate family were there - thats all that matters xxxxxx