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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

994 replies

Bluetinkerbell · 14/06/2012 15:51

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

OP posts:
KateRaeganandMichael · 15/06/2012 19:31

I don't think I will ever speak to him again, our celebrant said that, yes (other members of the) family never met the boys, yes it isn't the same kind of grief, but I we needed the support of my dad.
I have put pictures of the boys flowers on my profile.

X

matildawormwood · 15/06/2012 19:37

For my darling boy Daniel xxx. Love you forever.

matildawormwood · 15/06/2012 19:39

Kate I thought of you today. I'm sorry to hear about your dad but I hope the service brought you some comfort and was how you hoped it would be. XX

Tamisara · 15/06/2012 19:49

Kate the flowers are beautiful :) So is your DD. She looks so happy. I'm ashamed to say that DD1 didn't come to Tamsin's funeral. Mainly because she was only 16 months old, and would have been so noisy, and also because I wanted to read, plus the fact that I'd had major surgery and couldn't pick her up/push her buggy, DH was carrying the coffin. DS did come, and he was a star, I am so glad that he came.

Of course you wanted your dad there, there is no time like grieving for a child, when your parent is the only person you want (apart from DH of course). The grief is as bad as any grief can be, there isn't a worse pain than losing a child, that I can envisage.

There is another way to think about it - you succeeded in being a proper parent - you were there for your precious ones, when your dad wasn't there for you, when your heart was breaking. It makes you the adult xx

chipmonkey · 15/06/2012 19:53

Kate, I presume that if you're estranged from him, that that is a situation of his own making? Sorry, I am probably being presumptuous here and I know families can be complicated. There are some people who just never do think of anyone else but themselves and sometimes these people will be close relatives. If a friend did the same, you would drop them like a hot potato and I can't see why it should be different for relatives. I'm so sorry he wasn't there for you.
I can see why you're upset about the yellow taxi but can you take something out of what shabs says, and think that when it's to do with a child, that maybe bright colours are better for the child, even if your mood was as far from bright yellow as can be.

Does anyone find that people are kind of over-complimentary of your other children after you lose a child? I find that people go on and on about how cute and adorable ds3 and ds4 are. Now, of course they are cute and adorableGrin but I wonder if people feel they have to big them up to me to compensate for the loss of their sister? Or am I totally over-thinking this?

chipmonkey · 15/06/2012 19:56

And the flowers are so lovely and I love the wreaths you made which are all the more special.

Firsttobed · 15/06/2012 20:59

kate I love the wreaths that you made, they are just lovely and how special that they are your work for your boys. I'm pleased that the service went well but sorry about your dad. We have some family that we didn't want to come to little B's funeral and fortunately they didn't. I don't know if your dad is similar but if they had turned up then the day would have been about them, not my boy, so best they stayed away.

chip I'd never thought that before but strangely I have been complimented on both my children's behaviour and intelligence (!) today. Makes more sense now...

Tamisara · 15/06/2012 21:07

chip Do you know - I think you may be right! When I was pregnant with Tamsin, my midwife (same one as with DD1), used to see her in the waiting room, and just give her a cursory smile. When Tamsin died, she came round, and then kept on about how gorgeous DD1 is. She used to cuddle her lots. Lots of other people have also said that she is gorgeous... hmmm...

chipmonkey · 15/06/2012 21:27

Oh, God, I feel bad now! Tami, your dd1 is gorgeous and I for one would happily run away with her!
And I'm sure the same goes for your dc's, First!

Original poster
Bluetinkerbell · 15/06/2012 21:36

kate I'm glad your little boy's farewell went well! Lovely flowers indeed!

We would like to plant some flowers on Sterre's grave on Wednesday, any ideas for plants/flowers that keep well without a lot of maintenance? I was thinking about forget-me-nots?

OP posts:
Tamisara · 15/06/2012 21:41

chip Come on, your DS (embarrassingly I'm not sure if DS4 or not) is so stunning, that photo of him, those eyes - glorious eyes Grin

Be warned that DD1 likes to torture keep you up at night, not going to sleep, then waking between 3 - 5am, before getting up at 7.30am. She also doesn't stop bugging you to do nursery rhymes with her! I had such a quiet son in comparison, happily played with his cars. She is funny though, which makes up for the lack of sleep, and constant 'Head, Shoulders'... Wink xx

Firsttobed · 15/06/2012 21:42
Grin
chipmonkey · 15/06/2012 21:43

Blue, we have a little shrub on Sylvie-Rose's garden which is like a tiny tree with red berries. Evergreen and the berries seem to stay all year round. I can't remember the name but am going up there now to light one of her lanterns and will see if I can find the little tag on the plant. One of the little girls also buried there has aubretia on her garden and it seems to be great and doesn't need much maintaining but it does take over if left to itself.

Firsttobed · 15/06/2012 21:45

blue have absolutely no knowledge whatsoever about flowers but replying as I'd really like to have helped.

Original poster
Bluetinkerbell · 15/06/2012 21:48

thanks First that's very kind :)

chip thank you! that aubretia looks very nice too!

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 15/06/2012 21:48

Tami, that is ds4. I have to confess that I think one of the reasons his eyes look so stunning in that photo is that the day before he had his face painted as spiderman and there was actually quite a lot of dark facepaint around his eyes and I had a job to get rid of it and think there may still have been traces. So he had a bit of an eyeliner effect going on!Blush

chipmonkey · 15/06/2012 23:34

Blue, our little shrub is called a skimmia. I actually planted it before Christmas as I thought the berries were Christmassy so I don't know if that's the kind of thing you were talking about.

We also have a lovely container with a fuschia and Surfinia. The fuschia has just exploded with beautiful pink flowers. The surfinia would have to be in a container as they are trailing plants.

lumpsdumps · 16/06/2012 00:11

Hello girls, I am back tonight as today would have been Alice's due date, I should be big and truly fed up with pregnancy and grumbling that I can't see my feet but instead I lie here with still a jelly belly Sad
I keep watching and reading this thread and keeping an eye on all of you wonderful ladies. I'm busy at the moment with a house move but in a few weeks time my dp's family have paid for me to go to Spain with them and relax and forget for awhile.

Original poster
Bluetinkerbell · 16/06/2012 08:50

Today especially remembering fioleds little Belle, as it is her remember day today.
lumps also thinking of you and precious Alice, due dates are tough! big hugs x

chip thanks for the plant recommendations, will be looking at the aubretia and forget-me-nots as I like blue :)

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 16/06/2012 09:28

Just watching Supernanny USA on E4. Five minutes into the programme and I am sat here with tears falling down my face. 3 little boys and their Daddy. Mum died a few months ago. The eldest boy is fighting with his brothers - screaming the house down. Supernanny just followed him upstairs and he hid under the bed. She asked him who the lady was in the pictures and he said 'My Mummy....she died. I want her back and right now it feels like the end of the world.' 'I just want my Daddy to tell me more about her but he doesn't want to upset me so I hit my brothers all the time because I want my Mummy.' Poor little fella is just 6 years old. Sad

Children just 'get it' dont they? They just get it.

shabbapinkfrog · 16/06/2012 09:29

Thinking about you today Fioled and your precious little girl xxx

Mechavivzilla · 16/06/2012 09:44

Thinking of Fioled and Belle today. Wishing us all love. x

Ellypoo · 16/06/2012 10:17

Thanks blue for the new thread - have been away for a little while, wondering if it helps me at all to stay away but it hasn't helped at all - need the support of all of you who are some of the only ones who totally understand. Anyway, now that iv found you again, seems like iv missed loads so will try and catch up with you all, but I also want to say that I have absolutely no idea about mn protocols so I apologise if iv done anything 'out of turn'.
Are any of you going to the sands memorial service today?

fioled · 16/06/2012 10:28

Thanks all. Neither of us slept very well, just thinking while we were sleeping 2 years ago she died. Today just leaves me feeling flat, different to the thought of her birthday somehow. I still find something to celebrate out of her birth, but today hurts.

We are on route to sands memorial day. Hope the weather improves for it.

Ellypoo · 16/06/2012 10:34

Thinking of you today fioled and you beautiful Belle x