Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

A love story : Living without my beautiful red-headed Mia

995 replies

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 16/05/2012 21:47

This love story began before Mia was born, intensified when she entered our lives, and it will continue to burn strongly forever. Mia is my red-headed flame, my sweet pea, my noisy sprite. Mia is joy, she is love, she is every good thing you can imagine. And I am so incredibly proud to be her mummy.

Yet she is gone. Mia died totally unexpectedly last October at the age of 13 months. Impossible, but true.

We miss Mia?s cuddles, her weight and her little legs curled around us, her face against our cheeks and her warm arms around our necks, the soothing pats on the back that she would give us as we in turn patted her. She was intimate, coming to us, arms raised, for a reassuring cuddle, but then with a smile, content she would wiggle free, independent and inquisitive about everything around her, exploring her world, looking in cupboards, peeking between the banisters as she climbed the stairs and just revelling in her existence.

I have tried to estimate how many times a day we kissed Mia. Picking her up, putting her down, dressing her, feeding her, washing her hands, just because? it must have been hundreds. Equally, we always made a point to tell Mia every day just how much we loved her. We know she listened.

I cannot begin to adequately describe the love that we have for our little girl. I can only ask you to imagine the most perfect feeling of love and warmth that you can, to double its intensity, and extend it to infinity and you are still not even close to the amount of love that we shared with Mia every second of the her 13 months.

This is her story, and mine, and my reality.

OP posts:
dubaipieeye · 04/12/2012 17:33

I am so happy for you all, so very, very happy. I imagine Mia is doing a little dance of glee watching you and MrMia snuggle her little brother.

I have a two year old Finn myself so I am hugely delighted by your choice of name!

With love and light to the whole Mia clan and a special little kiss for Finntastic Finn xx

dappledawn · 04/12/2012 17:39

Countless congratulations to you both - and the most delighted of welcomes to little Finn! So happy for you. May he bring you nothing but joy and blessing after all your grief. He will grow up to know all about his wonderful big sister in heaven, and I pray that she will have a special (and happy) place in his own little heart too, one day.

A wonderful Christmas gift for you and all your loving family.

Thanks Thanks Thanks

FlyOverTheMistletoe · 04/12/2012 18:03

Congratulations - what wonderful news Thanks and Welcome Finn Xmas Smile

Astralabe · 04/12/2012 20:25

Oh what fabulous news!!! I am so, so happy for you and MrMias - superlatives are not enough! Amazing, fantastic, awesome... fantabulous!! Congrats xx

GRW · 04/12/2012 20:34

Congratulations on your wonderful news. I am sure little Finn will grow up with as much love as you gave to Mia, and he will know his big sister through your words. I am really happy for all your family xx

Geranium3 · 04/12/2012 20:36

congratulations to all of darling mia's family on the safe arrival of finn, enjoy all those wonderful cuddles with your new ds, mia will be laughing and dancing in heaven with all her little friends that she has sent you such a marvellous early christmas gift x x x x x

DixieD · 05/12/2012 09:16

I have followed your threads for a long time Mias. I think about you and your husband often. I find your words very moving and have been moved to tears before. As I was again when I logged in and checked your thread for any news. These ones though were tears of joy for you and MrMia. I am so delighted for you on the arrival of your lovely son. Congratulations to you both and your family. What a blessing Mia has sent you. Enjoy him.

DreamsTurnToGoldDust · 05/12/2012 11:11

Congratulations Mias Family, what a lovely name. Finn will grow to know Mia through you and Mr Mia, what a wonderful present.xx

eightytwenty · 05/12/2012 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 05/12/2012 22:27

Finn and I came home from hospital yesterday, and we have spent the last 24 hours being cosseted by MrMia. It has been lovely, being in our own little world together. Although MrMia turned up to pick us up with red eyes, as he had cried all the way, wishing so much that he was holding the hand of his little red-headed girl, excited to meet her little brother...

eightytwenty your words were prescient. Our winter baby's first view of the world was of unexpected snow which arrived overnight. And Mia's little snowdrop bulb is starting to sprout.

MrMia and I have been so very touched by just so many messages of love from you all here. Truly overwhelming. And this afternoon, I have learnt from the lovely Knotty that Finn is to be a very lucky recipient of a very special and beautiful rainbow quilt. We both cried when we saw the photo.

Our beautiful Mia made all this happen. So many new friendships that I cherish, although the cost has been so very high.

OP posts:
SaintVera · 06/12/2012 00:37

I have been reading about your beautiful Mia since my darling son Sean died in July.

How wonderful to hear about little Finn. You deserve all the happiness in the world xx

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 06/12/2012 00:42

Congratulations and all best wishes xx

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 06/12/2012 00:47

congratulation, Miasfamily, and congratulations Finn on getting picked for their team.

saffronwblue · 06/12/2012 01:16

Mias your threads have made me cry and now this one makes me smile and cry. Of course you still feel the pain of Mia's absence in your family although she is so present in your hearts. I love to think of Finn being cuddled in a special rainbow quilt.

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 07/12/2012 23:01

The last couple of days have brought a lot of very intense emotions, as you might expect. I am so very conscious that Mia is not here to share our happiness. And that she should be here. I can barely think of this time last year, how raw and painful it all was, without tearing up. They are all there under the surface...

Last night, I was holding Finn and started talking to Mia's photo next to our bed, and then suddenly I started to tremble uncontrollably, and felt incredibly cold. It was most probably a physical reaction to all the changes in my body, but I simply could not stop shaking. MrMia just had to hold me. I know I scared him. I scared me too. Finally, it all subsided, but even this morning, I could tell that it was barely under control, as I would continue to have small shivers throughout the night.

Her death seems even more horrific than ever before. Her bright smile, gone, forever. It feels so wrong.

OP posts:
Welovecouscous · 07/12/2012 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlyOverTheMistletoe · 07/12/2012 23:11

Miasmummy ..........Finn needs you, Mias daddy needs you, Mias Grandad loves you, we all love you..........Mia is hoping that you can smile again - and show her little brother how great the world is Xmas Smile.....thinking of you x

PacificDogwood · 07/12/2012 23:13

Oh, MiaAlexandrasmummy, I had not idea you were expecting - congratulations on the safe arrival of little Finn!

I can only begin to imagine what you must be feeling: joy and grief and post-natal hormone changes. It must be so hard to look at your brandnew baby boy's face knowing you will not see his sister's face again. In some ways, his arrival will reinforce what you have lost IYKWIM. Her being gone IS so utterly wrong.
I have had several early pregnancy losses and coped with them well at the time. They only caught up with me when I actually had my first child - then I suddenly truly undersood what I had lost. It affected me deeply even though I had not even met the barely-there children that never were.

My heart goes out to you. Enjoy your precious son and hold him tight. Mia will be his older sister forever, but the time will come when he is older than she was. There will be many hard milestones to come and I wish you all the strength and love in the world.

DreamsTurnToGoldDust · 07/12/2012 23:19

MiasMummy, so much love for you and MrMia and Finn, Mia lives on in all of you and I believe very strongly she will be beside Finn throughout his life as he starts to explore this new world of his, and I have no doubt she had a large part in sending Finn to you to help your sadness and help you smile again. Xx

zookeeper · 08/12/2012 12:18

What a strange, joyous, yet desperately sad time this must be for you.
Wishing you both strength. I will light a candle for both your children tonight.

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 08/12/2012 20:30

Today MrMia and I took Finn to a local Christmas Tree Festival, where our bereaved parents' group had a tree. There at the front was our bauble with the photo our beautiful Mia. I wanted so badly to see her glowing there, to honour my little girl, oh, how I hated seeing her there at the same time! Mia should be running around under a tree, pulling off ornaments, touching presents, being inquisitive... But this is all we can give her.

Not enough. Never enough. Many tears.

OP posts:
MiaAlexandrasmummy · 08/12/2012 21:16

Why can't I have her back? Finn needs his big sister to grow up with him. I need my beautiful girl.

OP posts:
Welovecouscous · 08/12/2012 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Welovecouscous · 08/12/2012 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

finleymoon · 08/12/2012 22:24

Hi Miasmummy, I too have lurked and cried over your terrible loss but I am so pleased that you have this new arrival to love and cherish. May he bring smiles and joy to your life. My username is the name of my youngest son and he brings me happiness in abundance. Love and congratulations to you all.

Swipe left for the next trending thread