A love story : Living without my beautiful red-headed Mia

[MiaAlexandrasmummy]

This love story began before Mia was born, intensified when she entered our lives, and it will continue to burn strongly forever. Mia is my red-headed flame, my sweet pea, my noisy sprite. Mia is joy, she is love, she is every good thing you can imagine. And I am so incredibly proud to be her mummy.

Yet she is gone. Mia died totally unexpectedly last October at the age of 13 months. Impossible, but true.

We miss Mia?s cuddles, her weight and her little legs curled around us, her face against our cheeks and her warm arms around our necks, the soothing pats on the back that she would give us as we in turn patted her. She was intimate, coming to us, arms raised, for a reassuring cuddle, but then with a smile, content she would wiggle free, independent and inquisitive about everything around her, exploring her world, looking in cupboards, peeking between the banisters as she climbed the stairs and just revelling in her existence.

I have tried to estimate how many times a day we kissed Mia. Picking her up, putting her down, dressing her, feeding her, washing her hands, just because? it must have been hundreds. Equally, we always made a point to tell Mia every day just how much we loved her. We know she listened.

I cannot begin to adequately describe the love that we have for our little girl. I can only ask you to imagine the most perfect feeling of love and warmth that you can, to double its intensity, and extend it to infinity and you are still not even close to the amount of love that we shared with Mia every second of the her 13 months.

This is her story, and mine, and my reality.

Well done ALL of you - mias mummy, daddy, grandparents and wider family for how you have come through this year with such dignity and love. You haven't allowed mias memory to become tarnished with bitterness; you have fought for the truth but never lost sight of what matters most which is of course your beautiful daughter. You've been an inspiration to so many of us. I know thousands of us will continue to hold you close in our thoughts over the next few days as you face the next difficult milestone. And beyond that too. You're not in this alone.

You have done all you could for Mia, to establish the truth of what happened and I trust that lessons have been learned that will help other children. I have just seen the report on the regional news. I hope you feel that it helped to have the truth established and mistakes acknowledged.
I expect you're feeling very tired now.
I know that it is Mia's birthday in a few days. Wishing you continued strength over the next days and weeks x

Mia's mummy whilst the verdict didn't go far enough it was only through the love, determination and dedication you and your family have shown that ensured a verdict of natural causes wasn't given.
I have prayed so hard over the last few days for the right verdict for you and the hospital know they failed in the most dreadful way.

Darling Mia you are blessed with the most amazing mummy and family- stay close to them, and send them much love and light.

Just saw the report, read Mia and the words "red-headed" and wondered if this was your dd and came to look up this thread. her beautiful smiling face is on the front of my bbc page xxx

As Mia's loving parents you have done everything you can to seek the truth and find what really happened. I hope that every health professional involved has learned what they could have done better to save your precious daughter and will apply that learning to others in future. I also know that will not ease your pain or loss. It must have been very hard to relive the detail of the nightmare of it all. I am in awe of your courage and your loving commitment to your daughter.

MiasMummy it must be a bittersweet relief that the verdict has now been given, and while, as you say, it doesn't go far enough for you and your family, it will force the hospital and its staff to change their ways so that a tragedy like this cannot befall another family. For that we must all be grateful.

I have followed your story right from the start, and cannot believe almost a whole year has passed. I have continued to be in awe of you and your husband and Mia's grandparents in the strength and composure you have shown through these threads and it still breaks my heart every time.

Wishing you and yours all the strength and love for the upcoming week.

x

I have been following your thread and now have seen the news article on the bbc website. What a stunningly beautiful photo of Mia. Everytime i read some of your thread i am in tears, you write so beautifully about Mia. I hope that your plans for Mia's wood and your new baby give you some comfort.

Miasmummy no words, but sending you and your family much much love. xxx

I've just read the statement issued by you and Mia's daddy, following the verdict. Once again, I am inspired by your dignity and integrity. You are, and always will be, the kind of exceptional parents every child deserves to have.

All your praise is very kind - but I am quite sure that anyone of you, if you were in similar circumstances, would do the same. Mia is worth it, all our children are worth it.

have also read the statement and just want to echo everyone elses words, its very strong and clear, i hope things move forward as you want them to and you are able to be as involved as you need to be (whilst also being able to step back when you feel the need) much love to you xxx

I really so hope the hospital brings about the changes so needed.
And yes I agree that anybody similarly affected would do the same but very few peo

I really so hope the hospital brings about the changes so needed.
And yes I agree that anybody similarly affected would do the same but very few people have the dignity and moral courage you have to act like you did. I would find it very hard to be civil about such people.
Sadly your opinion of the CQC is one I share- not fit for purpose.

I hope you can take the time in the coming days to have some peaceful time and fill your heart and mind with happier memories of Mia's precious life.

When the time is right I'm still looking forward to buying some trees for Mia's wood xxx

Miasmummy, you and your DH are truly inspirational. I am so sorry your amazing gorgeous girl wasn't given better care. I know she is somewhere near you with a heart full of love and pride for her exceptional parents. Wishing you peace xx

Hi Mias, my second post to you. I am still reading, still welling up at your posts, still wishing with all my heart that I could somehow bring Mia back to you. How cruel, that a child cocooned with so much love and joy should be taken so suddenly. Truly unthinkable :( I read about Mia's inquest on the BBC website and my ds who just turned 2 looked at Mia's picture and said "nice.. girlie!" I told him she was one of the nicest.. I hope you can begin to find some peace soon with your DH and soon to be DD2 or DS. You are often in my thoughts x

MiasMummy
I have been a long term lurker on your beautifully written and desperately sad thread.

I too have a gorgeous redhead, i look at her and frequently think of you, a complete stranger who had such a precious gift taken away.

Your updates have made me cry gently to myself on many occasions, and give my dd an extra big hug.

I have seen the verdict, and wanted to express my sincerest condolences to you and MrMia. Not only that, but to say just how much I admire your spirit and ability ride this terrible storm with such dignity.

Good luck with Mia's Wood, it will be a place of peace and many happy times for you. If you feel it is appropriate, please let us know when Mia's sibling is born. I think we would all celebrate with you.

Mia is an absolute beauty with an amazing mum.

I have lurked on this thread and realised it was your Mia when I read the news article. So dreadfully sorry for the loss of your incredible little girl. You have shown yourselves to be fantastic selfless parents in all of this. With love.

We received Mia's death certificate today.

I don't feel selfless or any of the other generous attributes given to me here. I just feel weird and horribly sad. It's the funny period of time in which a year ago yesterday, we took Mia to the hospital, and we were grieving today - even though the dates are tomorrow and Wednesday. In some ways, I cannot delver into those memories and feelings, especially after they have been so thoroughly dissected last week.

But I know they are there - I feel like shouting at me a year ago, saying, "No, don't do that, do this..." I principally remember the happiness and unknowing innocence of that weekend as we celebrated MrMia's birthday with his family and friends, cuddling Mia at the table, taking a nap together, watching her amazement as everyone played with kites outside, playing in her sandpit wrapped up in her coat.

It was all brought home rather horrifically when we woke to a text about one of Mia's little friends. She had been admitted to hospital overnight with a chest infection and rapid, shallow breathing, on the evening of her 2nd birthday. And just as my grandmother had died a few days before Mia, this child's own grandfather had also died. The parallels were simply too frightening to contemplate. "Please, no, not again. Surely not." I said to myself. We both breathed a huge sigh of relief when we heard she had been discharged yesterday afternoon.

I wish that we had that ending to our story too.

That's certainly the story that happens in my head. Just like the one where Mia is patting my tummy and saying 'baby.'

Yet instead, we are left with the bittersweet solace of watching the baby kick when we played videos of Mia the other morning, as her little sibling responded to all Mia's squeals and nonsensical baby mutterings as she played...

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you all over the next few days...
Mia's little sibling kicking as he/she hears his/her sister is a clear message that Mia won't be forgotten or far away, her sibling knows her voice and will grow up knowing and loving his/ her sister, heaven can't separate true love that will one day all be reunited.
She will forever be with you, in your heart and all you love.

Wishing you love and light and the heaviness of your mourning heart to be made a little easier to bear.
In my prayers xxx

Thinking of mr mia today on his birthday. I hope you feel mia close to you today as I know she will be. Take care of each other. Sending love to you both as always x

Thinking of you with no understanding of how you must be feeling nor of what you've been through, but sending you and MrMias heartfelt hugs and love nonetheless. Wish I could do more ...

Xx

I can t stop thinking of you all. You are in my prayers. Xx

Thinking of you and Mia's daddy today and tomorrow.
x