Feeling very down, will I ever be have another baby?

[bunny2]

Since my second mc I cant seem to dig myself out of this hole, I am crying every day, drinking too much (though not loads), obsessing and feeling depressed. The more I search for answers the bleaker the picture gets. The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gyneacologists have lots of info about recurrent miscarriage and I read on the site "A history of subfertility (conception delay greater than 12 months) is present in 25 -30% of women with recurrent miscarriage. It is frequently due to ovulatory disorders and confers a poor prognosis for future pregnancy outcome". Well, I took over 18 months to conceive after a m/c, then was diagnosed with ovulatory disorders and treated only to miscarry again.

So is that it? Should I give up having another baby? The thought breaks my heart.

So perhaps there IS a chance Melliek!

WHAT???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quacks - I posted in on the ttc thread, but it's a bit quiet over there what with all the graduates.

Bunny, hope you have had a better day today, hon. Wish I was in Bournemouth already but there's been a few hiccups! Will email you. Take care. xxx

Bloody NTl, first time I have got a connection sice Monday.

Melliek, Quacks is right, it is very early days. Last time I was pg, I got 4 negs before a positive. Dont give up hope just yet hon. I know what you mean, your whole message echoes how I feel. I am a damn good Mum, so much better than some of the druggy horrors who seem to breed like rabbits (oops, getting very judgemental too). So why cant I have another baby????

A friend of mine had a baby today, I am very pleased for her but I want it to be ME.

Yesterday ds told me he was lonely, I felt so bad. I try to do lots of fun things and we see loads of friends and family but he wants a little sibling and I feel like such a failure. I cried for hours (when he was tucked up in bed of course).

Quacks, how are you? Pls let me know, I do worry (about us all!)

Bunny, I do relate to those feelings. DD says almost every day about baby bothers and sisters. Any baby toys, clothes she finds she says it's for my sister. She would dearly love someone to play with and boss around! Thank you for asking about me bunny, esp when you are obviously so upset too. I'm honestly just taking each day at the moment. Symptoms are no stronger and no less, although every day I'm checking my boobs etcc. Just wish I knew. I know I didn't get nausea till 6 weeks with dd, so just hangin in there. Hopefully your computer will work tonight!! Take care
xxx

Bunny is your appt today? best of luck. Hope it easing your pain a bit and you are given some answers, or will be on your way to finding some.
Quackers, I used to check my breasts to as an 'indication' and would worry. I'm very small, so any change was immediately noticable. I've got everything crossed for you that this IS it for you, everyone is.
My friend is expecting twins, very heavily pregnant now (another couple of weeks) My dd knows there are 'babies in *'s belly' and she said to me 'Mummy doesn't have babies there' and that just made me so very very sad. No, no babies in there, not anymore. I guess I'm a bit glum as well. Still no sign of my period, and it's been 5 weeks. Am going shopping ( all by myself, bliss!) today, so I'm sure that will go some way to cheering me up. Although it is stictly for Christmas presents.....will sneak in something for me.....!
hana

Thanks for remembering my appointment Hana, it was a washout! I had an appt for 11.30, then I got a letter a few days ago saying it was changed to 2.00. So dh rearranged a meeting eith the taxman, I rearranged my mum to have ds etc. Got to the hospital early, waited till 3.00 when I finally saw the doctor. She looked at my notes and apologised I'd been booked into the wrong clinic and she couldnt help me at all. I went ballistic, I screamed like a banshee "I've waited f*ing weeks to see you" etc etc. I was absolutely hysterical, for weeks I have been reading up on infertility and m/c, I was almost counting the hours till seeing someone who could provide some reassurance and I really thought I'd get some today. I was so let down and so angry, still am. So now got to wait till next week (dh was furious and has booked a private appt). All I wanted was for some doctor to tell me I would be able to ahve another child because at the moment I am convinced I cant. Feel very very crappy right now.

How was your shopping? I am meant to be going tomorrow but dont really feel in the mood now.

Quacks, that must be so hard to hear your dd talking about babies every day. Still, maybe she wont have to wait much longer. Remember every day that passes without incident is another day closer!

bunny, that sucks. (can I write that?) Awful. You must have been so very pi**ed off , not only with the childcare aspect, but in terms of having someone to talk to and be closer to finding something out. Has your appt been booked now? Did the consultant say why you were booked in there? Did they help at all?
My appt is in Dec now, was it you that said to get the bloodwork done in advance, or was the quackers? Can't remember. But next week is only a few days away, and if it's a private appt, you'll be treated nicely, so on to next week eh?
Shopping was an absolute treat, stuck to the list and sadly bought nothing for myself except a Happy Meal (sad but true) It was great to tick things off my list!
hana

Hi Hana, I am only just calming down now! I was just so terribly disappointed that I could get no reassurance or advice today. I see the Ob-Gynea next Tuesday. Hopefully as a private patient I wont be hurried out of the door after my allocation of 15 minutes (loads of questions). Re blood tests, I know St Marys requests you have them done before your appt so that no time is wasted when you see the doctor. I dont know if that is the policy elsewhere.

Hello both of you. Bunny, I'm speechless, I really am. I just cannot understand the way that this has been dealt with. What a total let down. I am very very sorry that you have had to experience yet more upset and roller coasters. What a day. I'm glad they have got you an appointment for next week, but the fact you have had to do this privately is a sham. Disgusted. My thoughts are with you and DH and DS. Hang in there (again)! This time next week, think of that and put today behind you. All my love. xxxx
Hana, glad you got some shopping done, thank you for thinking of me, all of you. I did have some bloods done by my GP after 2nd m/c. They can tell from this if you have PCO, nearing menopause, short luteal etc.., loads of stuff. I don't know about policy and the norm, just that St Marys do it and I asked for it from GP. I know there are 2 other recurrent clinics. One is Liverpool Women's Hospital and I believs St Thomas'. I might have a look at their websites and see what they come up with.

Take care my friendsxxx

Bunny2 - you must be seething. What an awful way to be treated. I will keep looking in to see how you get on next week.

Hana - I think it was me who suggested getting the bloods done as my doctor arranged these for me prior to my December appointment (but I can't seem to find the post - very strange). In fact I collected them yesterday but they made no sense to me. btw I have been referred to the Womens in Liverpool who are supposed to be very good.

Quacks, a vindaloo and bottle if wine later, I am finally calming down. Dont you ever feel noone knows what you are going through? The nurses were lovely but I was still shouting away "I've had 2 miscarriages, I want a baby" etc. Probably got me down to see a psychiatrist next. How are you today? Another day closer to your 12 weeks.

Eyelash, when is your appt? Keep us up-to-date and have lots of good luck with you.

Hi Bunny, yes I did think thta didn't want me to be the joker though!!

I had a look at Liverpool women's hospital website last night, it's excellent. They seem to do just the same as St Mary's and there is a number you can call every day(ex weekends). The site is www.lwh.org.uk, go to gynae, then outpatients, the link is too long, so I can't do. There is another www.themiscarriageclinic.co.uk. They are based in the sount - Epsom, Carshalton areas and run weekly clinic's,again there was a number for you to ring for adive and they accept private patients at this one. There is a dedicated contact for private patients to ring n the first instance. Eyelash, that's grt you got a referral to LWH, they look fab. Good luck there.xxxx

Thanks for the info on clinics. I'm going to make some enquiries if I dont feel satisfied when I see my Consultant next week. I'm a bit miffed he prescribed clomid without doing any tests, IMO he should have tested for PCOS (according to my book, if PCOS is the problem there is a very high chance of m/c if clomid induced ov).

Bunny, I would still be in an absolute rage even now at being treated like that, what a total letdown. Glad you've got another appt though, unfair you've had to go private tho'.

Quacks, thinking of you too, nearly reached the 'magic' number.

Hi Jodee, yes, it's fingers croissed for Tueaday. God help them if they muck this appointment up!

Well ladies...AF visited me on Fri. UGHHHHHHH!
At the time I was very frustrated because I thought that I was PG, but my body had other plans!I am ok now, looking forward to BD this month to try again. So, enough about me! How are you making out Bunny? Are you feeling ok?
How about you Quackers?? Have you gone for your scan yet? I really do hope everything is alright, which I am sure it is!!!!

Oh melliek, what a bugger. Still, only first month, so maybe try the fertilityfriend site I suggested on your other thread xxx
Thanks for asking, I have my scan a week tommorw and I'm pooping myself. I have felt nauseous for the last couple of days, but boobs not as sore, so not thinking about it as much as poss!
Bunny - how are you chuck???
Good luck at your appointment tommorow if I don't get chance t speak to youxxxxxxx

sorry melliek that you've got your period this month, it seems there have been so many 'graduates' lately on ttc, that when it's not you (us) it can be a bit of a downer...not to take any of the joy away from the newly pregnants I mean, but you wish so much to get that positive or no period......I'm still trying too...maybe next month will be our turn. you never know
hana

Thanks for the support Hana and Quackers. I have decided that this month will be the last time that I really "try". You know, when do I ovulate, checking out the fertility signs...yada yada. It is really consuming me too much! I think that if it doesn't happen this month I am just going to let it go with the flow and not get too dissapointed(hopfully). It is just hard at the end of you cy waiting to see if AF will show or not. On the other hand, Quackers that site that you recomended was rather insiteful. Quick question...do you spot once you've ovulated and how long after you have do you? I had spotted on day 21 so I am wondering if I am ovulating latter than 14 days.

Hi. Melliek, was a bummer, I really thought you were pg. Maybe you are due an extra-special Christmas pressie this year

Thanks for the good wishes for tomorrow Quacks. I will hopefully relax a bit more when ~I have a few answers. I have felt much better the last few days but I shall still take it one day at a time.

Bunny, thinking of you today Let us know how you get on!!

Melliek, I think you could do with knowing when you ov. Either by using OPK's or temping if you are eager to get pg. Usually about day 21 a samll bleed could be an implantation bleed. Most of the time(75%) I beleive, the egg doesn't get further than this point and period comes as normal. It's only when you are really in touch with your body that you would ever know it was anything else. Hang in there, you're doing great, so soon after your loss(s). xxxxxx
Hana, hope you;re ok too. xxxx

Helloo,

Saw consultant today armed with lsit of questions and prepared for a fight (No I will not wait for another mc before having tests etc etc). He was lovely and agreed I should have tests NOW as both my m/c were late (seems to be after the magic 8wk mark, now mc are becoming increasily known as late). SO I am being tested for PCOS (would explain why I just cant lose weight) and antiphospholipid antibodies. According to the Doc there is a fair chance I have one of these conditions but equally may have had 2 mc at 9 - 10 weeks purely because of very bad luck. I cant have the test done until day 1 of my next cycle which could fall at any time. I should have results 3 weeks after that. So, hopefully, I will know more and be ready to rejoin the ttcers in February.

He seemed very confident that I would be able to ahve another baby so I am feeling very happy tonight.

Bunny, that's wonderful news!! I'm so pleased!!! What a result. I bet there will some celebrating in your house. I'm so glad they have decided to test you for those 2 things and aren't wasting any time.
Good to see someone on your side. It makes up for the treatment you had last week! I bet he was surprised at your level of knowledge!!!
Great news about Sibble too isn't it!