Feeling very down, will I ever be have another baby?

[bunny2]

Since my second mc I cant seem to dig myself out of this hole, I am crying every day, drinking too much (though not loads), obsessing and feeling depressed. The more I search for answers the bleaker the picture gets. The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gyneacologists have lots of info about recurrent miscarriage and I read on the site "A history of subfertility (conception delay greater than 12 months) is present in 25 -30% of women with recurrent miscarriage. It is frequently due to ovulatory disorders and confers a poor prognosis for future pregnancy outcome". Well, I took over 18 months to conceive after a m/c, then was diagnosed with ovulatory disorders and treated only to miscarry again.

So is that it? Should I give up having another baby? The thought breaks my heart.

and drunk so excuse the typos
hiccup
hanna

slightly drunk

Hana

So sorry the appointment was a waste of time. I don't know if this helps but my experience on Monday was completely different. She took loads of blood, said to take the baby aspirin while waiting for the results (as it wouldn't do any harm anyway) and to carry on ttc! Afterwards I felt really positive. Do you have the Lesley Regan book? This is well worth getting as well for proper information. Can your doctor be of further help.

Another thing she sorted out on Monday was a
bone density scan and a scan for my ovaries.

Not sure if the above helps but it might give you some leverage for a further appointment.

hana, a friend of mine had 3 mc's in a year before being diagnosed with antiphospholipid syndrome, it can be intermittent (hers is). i agree the lesley regan book is good on all the research. I hope something positive happens soon, x

(hana, she now has a beautiful year old baby girl)

Hana, what a disappointment for you. Did they not offer a scan of your womb and ovaries? I would be tempted to take baby aspirin, as eyelash says it can't any harm but might just help if you did get pg. I wouldn't stop ttc either as the chances of success are so great, still about 75% about 2 m/c's. You know yourself what you will do, but it's a shame they don't have as much knowledge. Are you able to go to LWH (L'pool) like eyelash? They are a specialist unit and accept private referrals, if your GP will do that for you. Do you have to go back?
Hugs {{{{{}}}}}}

I agree with Eyelash - take the aspirin as it can do you no harm. Studies have shown that it lowers the risk of placental abruption and stillbirth. I've been taking it since conception and will continue to do so until the baba pops out one way or another.

Also, has anyone mentioned about a thrombaphylia screen?? It's a blood test (I'm convinced I'm dealing with vampires!!) I'm having done at UCH tomorrow and it supposed to highlight whether the antibodies in your blood are likely to encourage placental abruption. Just a thought.

Lots of love xxx

Oh Hana, just read your message. I am so sorry you feel let down by your appointment and I can totally understand. When my first appointment was a washout (remember, I was booked into the wrong clinic) I was devastated, I had invested so much energy and hope into the appointment, it was just a massive anti-climax. I expect you are feeling sometihng similar. God, it makes you want to scream doesnt it? I asked my consultant about baby aspirin and while he acknowledged it would do no harm, he did say it was not very effective unless used with heparin so I have decided not to take it. Who knows what the right thing to do is? Lets just hope and pray our New Year wishes come true in 2004. Love Bunnyxxx

Turkey - yes I'm having a full thrombofilia (??) screening done - they needed 6 vials of blood for that one! And then 5 others for various tests....I hate needles and associated pain so I was glad to have that overwith.
The test results will hopefully be back before Christmas, Ive decided to take the baby aspirin ( lowest dose) until the blood tests come back. Still not happy with what didn't happen at my appt - everyone else seems to have had more fruitful appts ( 'cept you first time around Bunny!)
Getting angry all over again - 2 more friends are pregnant - and I just cant stop wishing it was me. The due date for the baby we lost in the summer is next week...not looking forward to that at all, thought I would be pregnant by this time...which I was...and then lost that too. Feeling a bit glum .
hana

Sorry you are still glum Hana. I am up and down too. I had a go at my consultants secretaty yesterday, I told her she was incompetent (the forms for my blood test were sent to the wrong address despite me checking they had the right address at my appointment). It's so frustrating isnt it, we have to have so much faith that these people can help us and then they keep letting us down. .

Hana, I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad few days. I know it doesn't last forever, but it doesn't help at all at the time. You just feel that only you seem to be going in the direction you want and the medical people are just going the opposite sometimes. I know they're busy but you just want a little tlc and your entitlement to some answers. I know this won't help but I did feel that upon trying for the third time that if I lost it (loose it), I will be referred to the best there is and they will do all they can. You too Bunny, please hang in there, put 2003 behind you, I am and look forward to better times in 2004. It's been a tough year for all of us on here and I am praying especially for you. I can;t beleive how they have messed around with you Bunny, will you have to take the blood test again??
Sending lots of hugs to you both {{{{}}}}
Get the bloody vino out!

Quacks, love the name change!! Thanks for your lovely message. You're a star!

Hana - when I had my screen they whipped out the biggest syringe I had ever seen which they filled to the top! They then filled aload of vials and probably topped up everyone in the hospital! My veins were not coperating so it took forever! Another nurse came in and told the lady who was taking my blood to loosen the thing on my arm as my hand was going a nice fetching shade of blue!! They said that the results should take about six weeks but I'm not sure what the treatment is (if any) if the results are positive. Any idea??

I'm also on the aspirin. Some people say that it only works if you take heparin with it. At the end of the day, I'll take anything if its going to improve my chances (even in the slightest) of having my baby. I must also say that my hospital have been fab. They have said that I can have as many scans as I want and can see the consultants aas many times as poss. They're going to admit me about 23 weeks as they want me to stay in hospital for aprox 5 weeks. I can't think in terms of having a 9 month baby. 7 months is the magic marker (anything more is a bonus) as if it comes around then it will have a darn good chance of surviving.

I've also bought a doppler. People say that you'll only worry more, but come 20 weeks I'll be worrying anyway!

NT, your hospital sounds really good. Sympathetic care has a real impact on the successful outcome of a pregnancy and it sounds as if you are getting some well-deserved extra attention.

HI Bunny, so are you !

Norfolk Turkey, that must be so reassuring! I think having that there alone really helps, just knowing you can see someone anytime is great!

Hi my firends. Will spend a quiet few moments on Christmas Day thinking of all of us here (and all of those who are not here cos they don't know about this community but who would appreicate the support) and wishing us all really well in the New Year - may it bring all of us what we want. Lots of love to you all. XXXXXXXXX

Thanks Brunhilda . I hope everyone on this thread has a wonderful Christmas and, please, please, please, lots of new babies in 2004.

I had 12 vials of blood taken today, cant wait for the results so I can start ttcing again. I wanted to cry when I was walking through the hospital corridors, I passed Maternity and wanted to go in so badly. Still, I can look forward to visiting there in 2004 I hope.

How's everyone?

Hi! Lovely post Brunhilda, have a lovely Xmas!!!!!!
Bunny, wow, that's a lot of blood!!! Why do they have the maternity unit in full view of people going through m/c. Waiting for a scan is awful with all those smug pg women. Sorry that's awful. My DH was disappointed in me when I said that. He said it was our time once and it will be again. I have not forgotten those words and try not to judge, hard as it is.

When I was pg I was so happy!! Not smug. I think having had mcs does that to you - makes you happy for what you have as well as sensitive to others. Sounds like you are very sensitive Quackers - that is a nice trait.

Because my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage I will never have the joy of a blissful (ignorant?) pregnancy and imagine any future pregnancies will be spent anxious and waiting for something terrible to happen. Awful isn't it?
Bunny - I had more blood taken last week - one test needed 6 vials alone! I think that was the thrombofilia screen. My results for that might be in tomorrow, but most likely not until after the New Year. Period due at end of week, don't feel pregnant at all. So yes, roll on 2004 with lots of lovely lovely success stories from everyone here!
hana

No Quacks, I was on my way to Pathology and passed by the Maternity wing. I remember at Barnet hospital where I had ds and my first mc, there was one semi-circular ward and one half was miscarriages, the other new Mums. I thought it was unbelievably insensitive.

Hi sHANtA, posts crossed. I hope your tests give you resultsw you want. I am a bit ambivilent about my results. On the one hand I want them to find a problem which will explain my miscarriages but also be easily treated, on the other hand I want everything normal so I can ttc asap. Shall just have to wait and see I suppose. Let me know your results, we are having the same tests done I think.

I think that I am also having the same tests done! It would be good if the thrombofilia screen did give some answers so as for me, whilst it doesn't change anything, it is kinda frustrating when the hospital can't tell me why I lost my last two at 24 and 26 weeks and the scenario with each was different.

That sounds horrible - having the baby and miscarraige ward so close together. I agree with XmasQuackers - how insensitive is that??

My hubbies nephew's girlfriend had her baby yesterday. Healthy and nearly 10 pounds - wow! Whilst I am really happy for them both, and wish them all the happiness in the world, I declined my mother-in-law's invitation to go round and see them as I don't feel up to be surrounded by a bunch of woman who drop babies like there's no tomorrow! Of course I will see the baby and I feel really guilty for declining but do you understand what I am trying to say??

Hello all.

Diet, not drinking etc out the window at the moment (apologies bunny2!). But I am feeling much more positive since hormones seem to be dropping off. As everybody has already reiterated, I hope we all have positive experiences in 2004.

Miscarriage clinics are funny though - I have been told not to worry about results of bloods and investigations but to carry on ttc. In my own mind I must wait for next period though as still bleeding on and off even now - almost 3 weeks later.

Good luck to everybody and hope you all enjoy this Christmas.