Christmas hope - our safe haven thread for bereaved parents.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Hope....for the bereaved parent; even at Christmas, one of the most painful times of the year, there is an essence of hope. Hope....it is hope that sustains us through the days of grief and anger and frustration and loneliness.

The hope that someday the pain of the deaths of our children will be eased. The hope that someday our smiles will be real.

So, it is that for each of you I would hope....peace, compassion, love, sympathy, understanding, sharing and listening. In the sharing of our grief with one another, and in the emotional support we give to one another, we receive and understand all of these gifts.

Remembering my precious sons....and all of your precious children at this difficult time of year.

Thank you Blizy and Miasmummy

Pack of alcoholics I'm sharing a thread with!

Now, how are the patients going? Feeling better I hope. Or are we out partying again? Ah, go on, I don't mind...

Quiet day here today, but DH and I were very upset by the news article last night about that poor little boy who died because of 'gross failure' at a hospital. It has taken over two years to have the inquest, and finally receive an apology. So wrong. No justice - as if an apology will ever be enough.

Chip

Definitely not out tonight Miasmummy have decided I'm too old for all that malarkey I blame my lovely friends for thinking sambuca might be a good idea when 'All I want for Christmas came on'.

Had a little moment today in Clintons when choosing dp a daddy Christmas card from Katie. They had the most lovely cards 'From both your little girl's' and others similar that I so would have bought if things had been as they should.

Oh yes, the cards... I had a little sob in Paperchase when I saw cards that I should have been buying for Mia. Think I scared off a couple of other shoppers. I might still buy them, if I can manage to hold myself together to make a purchase. Yep, another shop on The List.

Argos is great. Nothing much on display, you can pre-order and then dash in and out to collect your stuff. Very little to cause tears!

Morning girls xxxx

There is a card in Clinton's with "Daddy from your little angel" on it. I've boughht that for DH from Belle. It is just perfect really. Well perfect in the only way it can be. sigh.

Been to visit Belle today. Her Christmas tree had blown away. Found it in the ditch near by destroyed and soaked in mud. Cue hysterical tears from me. I'm really upset about it. I know I can't do anything about the weather but it was still awful. Really anxious to get up there and make it Christmassy again before next weekend.

Is that the one with a little girl touching a star on a tree Caz? that's what I have bought too. Seemed the most appropriate I could find. I'm so sorry about Belle's tree. Something similar happened to Erin's and I was really really upset too. It's hard when you just what things to be as right as they can be.

Caz, so sorry about Belle's tree. Sylvie-Rose's kept blowing over and I couldnt get the little star to stay on either. I ended up putting the tree including container into a much heavier pot and so far it has stayed put. None of the solar lights on her little grave are working though. There just hasn't been enough sun. There is another baby buried nearby and she has a few little solar fairies and solar rock lights which aren't working either, otherwise I was sending the lights back and complaining.

Bear in mind, Belle can see your tree at home and will be right there with you, dh and Xander for Christmas.

caz, also so very sorry about Belle's tree. Must have been horrible. This weather isn't much fun. We found Mia's swing caught up in the tree branches.

Very emotional today. The pain is very bad. I hate that Mia isn't here anymore. Only high point - my DH's family loved the Mia leaves we gave to them today.

Morning girls xx

Morning. Sorry about Belle's tree :( It's horrible when things are moved, blow away. We had that incident at Scarlett's grave where someone set fire to everything on it. That was really terrible, I'll never forget that image. We had to deal with it right away and went and bought more things for her. What sort of person burns things on a baby's grave?

Been at hospital with dh all day yesterday after going to a&e in the morning as he was bleeding again. Low platelets so he's not responding well to the medications, and they did a lot of tests on him. He's having a camera investigation arranged too to rule anything else out but otherwise having a consultant appointment within a week and more blood tests today. Such a worry. I ended with with high blood sugars and then had a hypo which wasn't fun, my first proper one.

Feeling quite rough still, this virus isn't going and I had a nosebleed this morning, first one since I was a child. Taken paracetamol as I had a headache following that too. Soo tired, feeling so drained and still loads to get done before Christmas. Going to rest if I can today and then try and get on with things later on/tomorrow onwards!

Oh cheese .. sorry you are having a rotten time ... you are right you need to get some rest.. makes it slightly easier to cope when you are not tired

I was sooo drunk last night ....i aint getting off this couch ...

I remember Fraser's garden was vandalised ... makes you sick to the pit of your stomach doesnt it ... b* ds

Cheese so sorry to hear about dh. I hope they get to the bottom of it soon and get him sorted out. And don't feel you have to have a perfect Christmas either. Do the minimum you can get away with and try to put your feet up even if it's only for 15 minutes.

that anyone would burn things or vandalise a baby's grave! Probably drunk teenagers but what kind of families do they come from where they end up doing things like that?

Oh Cheese you are having such a rough time. I wish I could help in some way.

I cannot believe there are people sick and twisted enough to vandalise graves

Passes FM paracetamol and a big glass of water I was you on Saturday my friend. No more sambuca for me ever.

Busy week planned with K. Am hoping the busyness will distract me enough just to get through Christmas.

FM hope your head isn't too bad today, looking forward to joining you in a glass or two in a couple of months .

It really does, wish they'd have found who did it. It's always at the back of my mind when we go now, wondering if her things will still be as we left them.

Everlong It's odd but it almost all seems "normal" now! So much goes wrong that I kind of expect it. We did make it all lovely again, had to and felt so much better afterwards. Dh was there too and it was just our luck that we'd taken the dcs with us as well so they also saw it :(

chip thank you, me too, hoping they can get him all stabilised and settled before Christmas but that's probably asking for too much. He's currently on 6 different types of medication a day including painkillers but also can add codeine when he needs it, he's always in pain so he tries to hold off as long as he can as they make him quite sleepy.

Makes you wonder doesn't it, I'd be horrified if any of mine ever did anything like that.

whatever thanks. Keeping busy does help, definitely. Hoping Christmas passes easily for you x

Ds2 is so cute, he's been sitting with me for about 20 mins now feeling the baby kicking he's such a lovely little boy and is so excited. Children are amazing the way they can bounce back. He's just told me he loves me more than anything else in the world too looks like butter wouldn't melt!

Been forgetting to water the tree so it looks like it's dying! HOpe it holds out until Christmas day at least, going to water it lots with sugar in the water too and fingers crossed.

cheese what a difficult weekend for you and the family. You are amazing dealing with it all. Your DH sounds like a very brave man. Your DS2 sounds adorable

fm just stay on that couch. Here's some tea

Have DH home this week before we go away on Thursday, which is nice - he encourages me to get going in the morning by being here. Lots of boring stuff to do like tax, and packing, and cleaning, but so little motivation. All I want to do is sit and think about Mia, or read trashy books, to push back the pain temporarily.

Cheese- I hope your Dh is better Soon. How scarey for you with the hypo too. Try and rest up. Xx

Miasmummy- just you do whatever helps to get you by the next few days xx

Love and hugs to you all x

cheese & FM My gosh, I'm so, so sorry to hear that your LOs graves were burnt/vandalised, unbelievably evil. xx

cheese I hope you're feeling better, and your DH is OK (the tree too of course) xx

caz sorry about Belle's tree, I think the card sounds lovely - I've not bought a single card, I wish I was as thought out as you lot xx whatever the same thoughts for you wrt Erin's grave xx

Miasmummy been thinking about you a lot, I had meant to send you a poem (I know it's nothing, but wanted to let you know that people are thinking of you), but have been a bit too incapacitated to do it, but am trying xx

It's weird how important things like trees blowing away are (and Mias swing). If something blew away in the garden it'd be annoying, but the significance is so great. The vandalism though is unforgivable, the disrespect is so crushing.

I was annoyed at Tamsin's funeral - the grave was not dug wide enough, so instead of being lowered gracefully into the gound it had to be shoved down. Not at all how it should have been (for one moment I thought it wouldn't go in at all), but I was too upset & in a blur to really think about it, now I wonder if I should make a complaint.

Tamsin's grave is very sunk in already. All the other graves have earth piled above them still, and most are two years and older. Whereas Tamsin's is lower than the surrounding ground.

Can't believe how fast Christmas is approaching. I wish I could be excited, at least for DD1's sake, but I can't. There should be two little DCs here, I should be stressed out, trying to get ready, but being too busy with a newborn. I should be excited as DD1 is old enough to appreciate presents (not old enough to understand though, which is a blessing as in a way it can't be ruined for her), and it is Tamsin's first Christmas. Life really shouldn't be this way.

Miasmum Dh has had so much going on, I really don't know how he keeps on going, I'm doing all I can to help him but there isn't masses that I can do. Keeping track of his meds for him so he's taking them properly, I found a really good app for my phone to help as it's quite complicated with taking things all through the day. Glad you have dh with you this week :)

blitzy it was a bit scary but I thought that at least I was in ther right place if anything happened! I carry glucose tablets with me so I took them and then tested again after a little while and it was up a bit again, just made me realise that I need to remember to keep on top of it even if we are in hospital or somewhere.

karma that's really awful what happened at Tamsin's funeral, that must have been hard for you :( Can they do anything about her grave being sunken? (hugs) Christmas really is coming fast xx

cheese I have no idea if they will.

Went to B&Q today, to have a look at their 75% off Christmas decorations. Bit weird really, as I'm in no way 'christmasy', but still...

Well, I now know why I wanted to go so much. They had very little in terms of decorations left, but found a lovely wreath for Tamsin's grave...

And angels! Rainbow angels! I have never, ever seen rainbow angels before, but they were the only ones they had. I bought two that light up, one soft toy one, and a large illumintated one, for the wall. The angels have rainbow coloured wings, amazing - rainbow angels for my Tamsin Rainbow Angel

karma, I love the sound of those rainbow angels. How absolutely perfect!! As for Tamsin's grave, can you speak to the caretaker (on-site?) to add some more soil? I'm sure that they would be sympathetic.

We spent this afternoon talking to various people about Mia's inquest, gathering more information to better understand why she died. We know what we think happened, but it's still very confusing. Quite practical, but it makes us feel we can at least do this for our darling girl. Must admit, I am quite scared about the inquest. If anyone else has been through one, I'd really appreciate a PM about your own experience. xx