Christmas hope - our safe haven thread for bereaved parents.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Hope....for the bereaved parent; even at Christmas, one of the most painful times of the year, there is an essence of hope. Hope....it is hope that sustains us through the days of grief and anger and frustration and loneliness.

The hope that someday the pain of the deaths of our children will be eased. The hope that someday our smiles will be real.

So, it is that for each of you I would hope....peace, compassion, love, sympathy, understanding, sharing and listening. In the sharing of our grief with one another, and in the emotional support we give to one another, we receive and understand all of these gifts.

Remembering my precious sons....and all of your precious children at this difficult time of year.

Saying a prayer and keeping everything crossed for decent weather for you Lavendes xxxx

cheese so glad you're feeling better xx

Snow has now stopped here, had to take DD1 out to see it (too young last year), with a coat over her babygro, she loved it :)

I'm off to have my hair shorn this afternoon. Going to a different (and bloody expensive) hair salon, from the one I went to when pregnant. The one I was using would only do bobs, and then needed to staighten, when I have curly hair.

Hope everyone has a good (and safe day) xx

Snow here too. DH working from home, so result for me...

lavandes I am sure that the airports / airlines will be far better prepared for snow after last year's debacle. If not, we will keep the roads and runway clear for you through the sheer power of our minds!

shabba also proud of Tom for you, it must be wonderful seeing him growing in confidence and popularity. What huge compliment to your mothering skills!

cheese hope you continue to feel better.

everlong school??

tallulah and whatever try to be glad for the good days. Jacob and Erin won't mind at all. We have plenty of sad days to balance them out.

No snow here, yet! Dp is working away over new year, so hopeing we won't get it then as he might not be able to fly back at weekends

Hi Ladies, have not posted for a while, not coping very well. Can't stop the tears, tomorrow last year I was rushed to hospital bleeding (low lying placenta) at 30 weeks that is the start of the long windy road that I'm on, no end in sight. I got out 2 days later and Megan held on until January to be born. Christmas last year was being unable to travel in case I needed rushed to hospital, I was at risk of sudden haemorage. This year tree is up for the girls, they are very excited, couldn't face putting up the usual decorations. I usually display all of the photos of the girls with Santa and enjoy looking at the changes, wasn't able to look at them this year. I've nothing organised food wise for christmas, just booked an asda slot for a delivery, need the full Christmas dinner. I have a 8" candle santa that I've had about 10 years that I'm going to put on Megans grave, a teddy with sister written on it from the girls and a small pink teddy about 2" just wondering about the frost damaging things as have a snow globe but the glass might shatter. I'm just finished 3rd course of anti b's and a course of steroids for a chest infection and don't think its cleared up properly yet. Wish it was last year....

.....just been thinking about Tom and remembering stuff!! I had cervical cancer in 1992/3 which was luckily caught early and 'got rid of.' In 1997 I was diagnosed with it again. I went in and had a cone biopsy and some treatment. They asked if I could be pregnant and my reply was something like 'Wash your mouths out with soap - Im 40 in a few weeks.

The cancer was 'got rid of' again A few weeks later I found out (on my 40th birthday) that I was pregnant with Tom. When we counted back the days we realised that I was about 2 weeks pregnant when I had all that treatment

So I suppose - that sulky, wonderful, moody, laughter filled teenager of mine is truly a miracle xxxx

shabba Tom certanly is a miracle, and you poor thing going through so much, truly a courageous woman xxxx

I love miracle baby stories!
karma you are very brave and strong! After all you've been through, getting out of bed in the morning is strong and brave.
Mias, had a look at your beautiful girl on FB. She is stunning and such amazing expressions for such a little girl. And I see now where she got her good looks from!

Wow just wow Shabs Tom truly is a miracle baby. I can't believe how much you've gone through xx

Miasmummy I hope you don't mind but ive also had a peek at your album of Mia's photos. You can see in every picture what a contented, loved and happy little girl she was. Every moment of her life wrapped in your love. She has very knowing eyes. I couldn't stop the tears at the picture of the two of you together. Pure love xx

ssd10 thinking of you xx

Well I have just had a freak out of epic proportion at Erin's grave. When I got there I saw that her tree, plants and wooden cross had all blown over. It looked a mess. But also the earth looked all disturbed, cracked and sunken. Totally irrationally I thought someone had been trying to get in to her and just totally freaked out. I know now it was just the weather but my goodness did it throw me into a panic. Luckily I was on my own and no-one else was around to see me sobbing and shaking as I sorted it all out again. Then went to carol singing at Katie's school. I was very struck by how quickly we can switch from grieving mother to jolly mummy/partner/friend. What a strange day x

WTW, it just seems like such a travesty when the grave is disturbed, doesn't it? My little Christmas tree for Sylvie-Rose kept blowing over, also a little Christmas fairy which is just really not meant for a grave but I feel that things that are meant for a grave are usually too solemn-looking for a baby's grave. In a way, I am just waiting till the permanent headstone and surround is up so that I can do it all the way I want it.

sad10 I have read some of your posts elsewhere, but hello here. I am sad to hear that you don't feel you are coping. It is such a hard time at the moment, with the cold and dark, and then trying to pretend / ignore the festive cheer, and then you aren't well either. Do stay here with us if it helps you in any way. xx

shabba you are indeed a miracle lady with a wonderful son.

whatever I can imagine your shock and horror at that discovery. I admire your ability to switch to happy mummy for Katie so quickly afterwards. The mind is an amazing tool. (But the heart is equally miraculous too.)

Glad people like the photo album of Mia. (Happy to link others on FB if interested) She did have amazing eyes, and I saw her love for me shine out of them every day. I adore that photo of us together which I called "pure love". It is taken on the last day of her life. Oo - now that was a hard sentence to write... We had no idea what was to follow 12 hours later.

Why oh why is MN advertising the book "zoe and the beans" on the home page. My heart is now racing .

I realised I had done no washing n about 2 weeks so I have been washing and drying shopping etc.. nothing exciting

Ross has gone to the panto with his grandparents and is spending the night there .. I am sat here thinking I should get some wrapping done... but I just cant bring myslef to get started....

I have parcels that mum bought for people before she passed away inc my dad plus the stuff he has asked me to get for him for people plus all the stuff we have bought ...

its all too much

whatever it is horrid when the ground cracks and starts to sink .. the cemetary should build it back up for you

In a strange way I like going to frasers garden when its been stormy and sorting it out.. feels like its the only time I can do something for him as a mum if you see what I mean

sad10 sounds to me like you are coping better than you are giving yourself credit for ... your tree is up, your asda slot is booked .... well done you!!
Your tears are normal.... its bloody hard this time of year. I am not trying to belittle your feelings honey..please dont think I am I know how horrid it is when you feel you cant cope within yourself
I am just saying you are at least getting stuff done considering how ill you are and your grief you need to give your self some credit

Christmas party with pre-school mums. Much alcohol consumed. Random man. Question: how many children do you have? Fuck. If only you knew.

Hi Ladiesxx

I am not going be able to post after tonight. I just need to thank you all on our threads for your love and support. I don't know how I would have coped without your love and support. I think I have come a little way but I have a long, long way to go.

I wish you all a peaceful path through the coming days. Please remember Christmas and New Year is only one week. This difficult time will soon pass

I will catch up in mid January but you will all be in my thoughts and many candles will be lit in memory of all our precious children. xxx

lavandes, I hope you enjoy your very different Christmas as much as you can. You seem to be a strong, beautiful and courageous person, and your words continue to help me. xx

lavandes have a great time ,you deserve it , see you next yearxxxxxxxxx

Morning girls xx

Lavendes I hope you have a wonderful time. Will miss you but see you soon. xxxxx

Morning all! Please could someone pass me the anadin? This is why I don't drink very often. Oh dear.

Lavandes have the most wonderful time. Can't wait to hear all about it when you get back x

My face looks like this LOL....came down hours ago - front door not locked, outside light still on and looks like I had a kebab.....there are 3 plates on the kitchen table with bits of kebab on Dont even remember getting home!!!! LOL. Oh my poor head.

Lavandes - hope you have a wonderful time and enjoy lots of cuddles with you little grandsonxx

Shabs and whatever hope your heads feel better soon, here have a cuppa [tea]

shabba and whatever don't worry, we will look after you today. After your aspirin, here's a and a , and a big glass of water. Now just sit on the sofa and watch some trash tv... we'll be here, and quietly chat amongst ourselves.

LOL x