Christmas hope - our safe haven thread for bereaved parents.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Hope....for the bereaved parent; even at Christmas, one of the most painful times of the year, there is an essence of hope. Hope....it is hope that sustains us through the days of grief and anger and frustration and loneliness.

The hope that someday the pain of the deaths of our children will be eased. The hope that someday our smiles will be real.

So, it is that for each of you I would hope....peace, compassion, love, sympathy, understanding, sharing and listening. In the sharing of our grief with one another, and in the emotional support we give to one another, we receive and understand all of these gifts.

Remembering my precious sons....and all of your precious children at this difficult time of year.

accidentprawn not sure if that was meant as supportive or not, as I'm a bit sensitive right now it comes across as Tamsin was nothing

Actually I'm going to bow out of this thread for now, and wish you all luck in the future.

I'm very depressed right now (as some know), and really hearing that I should accept that having some pain & bleeding, could be the same as giving birth to baby, holding that child & having to bury it????

FWIW my DS's GF had a miscarriage in August (so last year wa mega shitty), but she hadn't bonded in the same way.

Wish you all luck xx

accidentprawn are you being serious or joking? as what you are writing can be read in different ways...

we are all here to support each other...

Karma I'm worried about you. Talk to us.

Thank you blue xx

accidentprawn I've never shown anything but kindness to others, I am sitting here in tears, you may just think that we're all anonymous people on the end of a screen, but we are real people who are hurting.

Don't worry I really won't be back now

karma of course you should be here if it helps you. Tamsin matters. Your grief matters. You matter. Your support on MN has helped me enormously, and I would hate to think that somehow there is a measure or a test we all have to "pass" to be here... there isn't.

I echo MiaAlexandrasmummy. Come back Karma.

karma please don't feel that you should leave the thread , carry on talking to us , Tamsin was your much loved daughter and you have every right to be feeling the way you are . I for one would miss you if you weren't around .

accidentprawn I don't understand your last comment at all , please feel free to explain .

i have reported my own post. it can be seen as insensitive ( it was not meant to be) i didnt read back and didnt think.

sorry to have offended any of you, i am so sorry for my last post.

Hang on a minute ladies. This thread was started by a lovely lady after she gave birth to her precious baby girl who was stillborn. We have all kept this going for about 3/4 years and have helped each other through some awful times. Karma - nobody on here has ever made out that their own loss is worse than yours. None of us have a 'worse' loss - there is no death no sad as that of a child - no matter what age that child was.

I am just sat here not totally knowing what is happening on here - this is our 'safe haven' thread.

One thing that will always be true on here are the words 'United we stand, divided we fall.'

accident I honestly didn't know which way you meant what you had said that was all , as blue said it could have been taken either way , how you doing ?

i honestly don`t know how i am doing wilbury

today has been one of those days were i feel like i am lost with no way out iyswim. when i went to the grave today i saw a little child being buried near davids grave and it reminded me of the funeral.
I had a flashback to the day of his passing.
and to top it all off DD is turning into a stroppy teen, she is having friend troubles ( friend self harming). I feel like someone has come along and dumped a tonne of bricks on top of me.

I don't think it's anything to do with grief olympics really. It seems that Karma doesn't feel listened to or understood in RL and is feeling her pain isn't recognised and then felt that accidentprawn was echoing how she feels in RL when she thought she was safe to talk here. Spectacularly shitty timing.

Sounds like a loooong day accident , do you have any help with the flashbacks ? I know how tiring that can be .

Sounds like a glass of wine could be on the cards soon .

i agree with my post being shittily timed. i didn`t think what i put down through properly.

I deeply regret posting.

i have no help with flashbacks.

DD never met her brother so i can never talk to her and say " i remember david doing x or i had a flashback today to when he did y"

I think a glass of wine is on the cards too wilbury.

hopefully Karma will see you regret it accidentprawn. It's sometimes hard to know what someone means when it's just written without seeing the face etc.

Do you have someone who you can talk to about your flashbacks? I think one of the many lovely things about this thread is the feeling that we can talk about that kind of thing.

Wilbury, would you mind telling me your story? I'd love to know.

Goodness not sure what has happened here. I didn't see accidentprawn's post that was deleted. Karma if you are still reading and I hope you are I hope my post hasn't upset you in anyway. Fwiw I'm with Shabs I've never seen any 'competitive grieving' on here and that's what makes it a 'safe haven' and a good place (normally!) to be

AMAW My son died when he was 14mths old in dec 2001 , we were told on the saturday that he had a cold and all was well , he died in my arms he following morning , his lungs just closed , no reason , no sense .

I'm so so sorry. How hard. I'm so sorry for your loss. I sometimes worry that I sound trite, but there are just no words to express it. It's a terrible cruel thing.

Thank you , as we all know there aren't really the words , but it is good to have a safe place to be able to talk .

Just been round to the shop....anyone want a glass of cider apple juice?? Been a long hard day. My Mum came round this afternoon - remember I said she has Alzhaimers? On FB there is a group for the town my parents (and myself) were brought up in. Mainly people of my age on it but my Mum remembered all their parents and where they lived - she had a fab time on Facebook and said she wants me to make her an account but not to tell my Dad because he thinks it is 'the work of the devil!!' I got slapped on the legs for swearing in front of her ROFL. We had a good laugh.

She remembers every single event, however small, from all my sons childhoods. She was laughing about Matt being like a shop lifter in her house. He used to bring all kinds of stuff home with him and say to me 'Smell that Mum, it smells lovely like Grandma....then he would shove hankies, soap, perfume etc up my nose to have a smell. She enjoyed talking about all of them and didn't get upset at all. That is major progression for my Mum who could hardly talk about Gareth & Matt without sobbing, until recently.

I could be persuaded Shabs , or maybe a beer instead of cider , cider was my drink of choice as a teenager and I have too many memories of drunken sicky times (classy bird I am )

Your mum sounds fab , I am really pleased she is now able to enjoy her memories of your boys .