Christmas hope - our safe haven thread for bereaved parents.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Hope....for the bereaved parent; even at Christmas, one of the most painful times of the year, there is an essence of hope. Hope....it is hope that sustains us through the days of grief and anger and frustration and loneliness.

The hope that someday the pain of the deaths of our children will be eased. The hope that someday our smiles will be real.

So, it is that for each of you I would hope....peace, compassion, love, sympathy, understanding, sharing and listening. In the sharing of our grief with one another, and in the emotional support we give to one another, we receive and understand all of these gifts.

Remembering my precious sons....and all of your precious children at this difficult time of year.

hi girls,i cant listen to somewhere over the rainbow without crying x not a minute goes by without thinking of him but i know hes beyond the rainbow, and adele i watched her in concert shes amazing.
Thanks girls with your help dh got the job,things are looking up at last,starts next monthxx thanks for holding my handxx

Hazy we are here to hold your hand!

Adele is amazing but a lot of her songs are very sad and remind me of David in many ways. Somewhere over the rainbow reminds me of him as well.

Chuffed to bits for you and DH Hazy xxxxx

well done Hazy!

Well done to your DH Hazy Nice to have one less thing to worry about .

We had Eva Cassidy "Over the rainbow" too , used to listen to the album all the time when he was alive and it just seemed so apt , can't listen to it now .

I am off out tonight but will leave some vodka behind and interesting snacks for the munchies later

A candle is lit here in Sussex today for no other reason than I am thinking of us all x

hazy so glad about your DH's job. FX for you both.

Sounds like a few of us are out tonight, thanks for the vodka and munchies, tw. Is it to early to break them out?

The song which breaks my heart is Angel by Jack Johnston

she has a heart to melt your own
she has a smile that just makes you want to sing

That's Mia.

Can I just say that I hate that missing Mia is now feeling normal? It shouldn't be, it can't be, but it is. I feel mad and guilty at the same time...

Miasmummy I hate it too. I hate that 'died' 'grave' 'cemetery' 'grief' 'bereaved' are all now regular words in our house.

I've had to move Dumbo from the DVD shelf so Katie doesn't ask to watch it. We had Baby Mine at Erin's funeral. I haven't listened to it or to the other songs we had since then. I just can't.

I kind of feel we didn't get enough time to figure out songs for Sylvie-Rose's funeral. That and the fact that I was so numb and shocked that I don't know if we did her justice. When my Dad died, the Irish music society he was very active in ( he played the fiddle) came over and sang and played such lovely music at his funeral. But Sylvie-Rose never got to know anyone outside the family, never got to join a music society, never got to make any friends who played the guitar or the flute or the violin. Seven weeks was not enough of a life.

chip so many 'nevers', aren't there? I am sure you honoured Sylvie-Rose beautifully.

We had Pink Floyd- Wish you were here - chosen by Richard's friends - I did not think I could ever listen to it again but when we were with our eldest son in OZ he put it on and we all cried together. it was moving xx

That's the thing, Miasmummy. My Dad was 62 when he died and we all thought that was terribly young and we said he never got to retire, never saw his book published, in the end it wasn't published, not sure why, never got to meet my ds3 or ds4.
But now, since Sylvie-Rose died, I think, my goodness, he did have a full and wonderful life, visited eastern block countries long before the fall of the Berlin Wall, lived in the USA for a while, had a wife and four children who adored him, played loads of instruments, spoke 2 languages fluently and another one passably, made friends with people from lots of different countries, got the top marks in the whole country in art for his major state exams, got a PhD, published loads of papers in his field, could make furniture and wooden toys....
so, so much. And yet I was gutted when he was taken from us and thought it was so unfair.
And now I know what's really unfair. That a person can be born with a lifetime in front of them, and then just vanish from the face of the earth without ever getting to smile, take a first step, utter a first word, learn to spell "cat" steal a first kiss, have a baby, have a grandchild.
Such a little life. But that little life has become my world.

Life is so cruel chip xx

Oh, lavandes, that sounds so lovely, that you could all listen to it together and cry together. I think it's good to do that x

I sobbed when he put it on i said -I can't listen to this its the funeral song - my son said 'its brilliant we must' that was the first time he had talked about Rich. He was right it brought us together xx

thanks girls,your all amazing and brave , for new ladies i lost my first grandson , in december 2006,jayden ,he went to sleep and didnt wake up again, cot death,there was no answers ,but god i miss him.
the girls on here allow me to mention him , in rl ,people change the subject,jayden forever loved and missedx

Oh Hazy :(

I cried last night, DD put the radio on and it was someone like you.
I feel like there are too many nevers. He will never have children, get married, go to uni he will never have a pet. So many simple things that we take for granted he can`t.

Morning all. I don't want you to think I dumped and ran. It was all quite overwhelming talking about Rufus. I think since being back at work I've buried it slightly so since writing on here I've not been able to stop crying.

Hazy, I'm so sorry about Jayden.

Yes, so many nevers...

Morning girls - I just woke up

Hazy - I cannot (and dont want to) imagine the grief of loosing a grandchild. My grandson brought the sunshine back to our lives. Your loss makes me want to scream and sob and I have never even met you in real life. It terrifies me xxx I think, as a family, you are doing brilliantly xxxxxx

AMAW, I do understand about burying those feelings. I am due to go back to work in a couple of weeks and am wondering how I will get through the day without "permission" to cry. But this is a lovely place where we can offload and then go back to the reality of having to earn a crust.

could i please join you :(

i lost my son on dec 2nd 2011 at exaclty 7.30 pm i still here those words ''kaans father im sorry'' she couldnt even tell it to me i will never forget that doctors face for the rest of my life how i fell to the floor and begged her pleasee please save him ..no dont let my baby go pleasee . a tear rolled down her cheek and her nose scrunched up and she walked away , she walked and left me and my partner in peices i screamed so loud i wanted someone to help me someone to take me too i begged for god to take me with my son a man asking me to drink water and i told him i didnt want water i wanted my baby i dont remember much of that night i was in shock my 11 weeks beautiful boy had been taken from me after 4 ops on his tiny heart he caught an infection and that infection didnt just take my baby it took a part of me with him a part of me that can never be complete a part of me will always be missing :(

some days are harder than others i dont really have good days our 1st chıld was our 4th pregnancy we sadly had 3 mc and thought wed done how wrong were we wed never have guessed that insted of bringing home our beautiful boy wed be burrying him having to watch my partner carry our baby was the worst thing iv ever had to see the worst pain iv ever felt and something that still makes every hair on my body prick up along with that awful panik feeling :(

sorry my story was a bit long love and prayer to all you parents granparents who are currently suffering the unbelivable pain of loosing a child xxxxx

justmee, I am so very sorry for the loss of your tiny boy. So sorry you are having to join us here.

justmee how awful. I hear your pain and disbelief. I am so, so sorry. These things never make sense. Of course you want your beautiful boy. It's only natural. Please write as much as you like here, if it helps. We all have pain, and come here to find understanding. Would you like to tell us your little boy's name?