Christmas hope - our safe haven thread for bereaved parents.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Hope....for the bereaved parent; even at Christmas, one of the most painful times of the year, there is an essence of hope. Hope....it is hope that sustains us through the days of grief and anger and frustration and loneliness.

The hope that someday the pain of the deaths of our children will be eased. The hope that someday our smiles will be real.

So, it is that for each of you I would hope....peace, compassion, love, sympathy, understanding, sharing and listening. In the sharing of our grief with one another, and in the emotional support we give to one another, we receive and understand all of these gifts.

Remembering my precious sons....and all of your precious children at this difficult time of year.

everlong when i go to the grave and i get in the car and a song is on that reflects my mood ( today i put r2 on and it was hero by Xfactor 2010)

i cried as the lyrics " i am here with you" made me remember the day he was born.

Oh Everlong that is lovely. It must be so nice to know his friends think of him often. I'm always really touched when I go to Erin's grave and someone has put something new there. Very often I don't know who has done it but it gives me a warm feeling to know she is remembered xx

shabs oh so you weren't expecting him feet first then? One of Scarlett's feet got stuck so they had to try a few times to pull it down, that was what put me so close to a section as they almost couldn't dislodge it. All happened so fast at the time for me but dh was quite scared! Really hoping for a birth announcement soon!

everlong trying to stay relaxed but it's hard, it's all just waiting now. That's really lovely about the flowers :) Definitely sounds like a sign to me. Need to get to see Scarlett tomorrow if we can, I'd like to tidy things up a bit there

chip me too :) how are you doing?

some of davids friends go. ones from pre-school those who actually remember him

tbh there is only one who does and i know his mums still - they went to toddler group together and were like brothers. he was heartbroken when he died, he put some flowers down on tuesday they said " to david, you are always in my thoughts. X xx

Not too bad, Cheese!
Odd wobbly moment here and there but by and large OK.

im not that good with technology! i do try though :)

it is lovely that he leaves him flowers. His friend works nearby and often pops in for a cuppa after work.

here is the link again does it work this time ?

we had all things bright and beautiful. I cannot listen to it anymore as i just break down. I have a lump in my throat whilst typing this

i agree. it is a very poignant song. full of emotion and happiness.

Everlong every now and then I go onto your lads FB page and I always end up crying....most people would think 'How can you cry about someone you never met.' BUT its the friends pictures on there....its their messages to him. He certainly made an impact in this world didn't he? xxx

Hi everyone
A boy who ds1 was at school with died this week, he was knocked off his bike on the same road another friend died crossing last year. I don't even have the words it's just so so sad. I'd like to keep all the children in the house, all the time, but I know it's just me being irrational. Plus ds1 wouldn't agree to it!

Lovely songs, we had celine dions first time ever I saw your face, I've finally learnt not to listen to it on the way to pick ds2 up from school as it makes me cry, sure Im just torturing myself sometimes

karma I do the same, even though it hasn't happened to me, I always tell people they should get checked out even though it could be nothing, I did it on fb the other week, it always surprises me how many people just say oh don't worry, it's nothing.

Posted too soon

karma it wasn't your fault and it was extremely insensitive for the women to say what she did, in hindsight there were a few things which make me think I should have gone to the hospital sooner than I did, none of us could have known what would happen, what I would give to be able to time travel ( been watching the time travellers wife, probably shouldn't have)

Wtw I was put back over a week with ds3, I was sure they were going to put me forward ( had bleeding when af was due with all of them) at the 31 week scan he was measuring 3 weeks a head so I'm not convinced even 12 week dating scans are always right.

cheese not much longer, although I'm sure the waiting must be awful. I think I will be a wreck if I get pg again

Consultant appointment has finally arrived, it's for the week before Jacob was due, the week I was booked in to have a csection. I will be walking out without a baby when I should have been walking out ( well hobbling) with him

Poor ds3 is ill again, and teething. He has two bottom teeth and two coming through at the top and is full of cold poor boy

Morning girls xx

Morning all x

Morning Ladies xx

Morning xx Early start Shabs xx

Was wide awake about 5am - no idea why

Talking of funeral songs (if it's OK if I join in?), we had Somewhere Over The Rainbow (Eva Cassidy), very poignant as it's her middle name, and I like to think of her as being over the rainbow, somewhere out there, just beyond reach.

Then we had Brahm's Lullaby. It was a struggle to find a classical one, that sounded 'right'. DH wanted this as we were "putting Tamsin to bed, for the first and only time". DD1 has this on her nightlight, and plays it till she sleeps, so I have to hear it nightly, not only that, but she used to have it playing when she woke, and Tamsin would 'dance' to it, and also try to kick DD1 off my lap. It's hard to hear it now, but I have to.

moomin I think that. I keep thinking if I close my eyes & concentrate very, very hard, that I can make the world turn backwards (as in Superman). I can go back to before I even met DH, when I was a single mum to a teenage lad, and was 'safe'.

Of course I don't really want that, and am happy with DD1, and was very happy to have Tamsin (even for such a short time). But I could do things differently - as Ferris Bueller said (that great wise sage

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

which kind of sums up how I feel, things happen, you don't realise how happy or 'safe' you are, and you just wish you could have had time to savour in the moment, really drink it up, and notice when something was wrong - which I so regret

afternoon girls!
am going to go out with DD tonight. We will pop into the graveyard tonight.
On the topic of songs that remind us of our DC, i cant listen to someone like you by adele or make you feel my love. They are both songs that remind us of David. "Never mind ill find someone like you"