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Original poster

Christmas hope - our safe haven thread for bereaved parents.

993 replies

shabbapinkfrog · 11/12/2011 13:54

Hope....for the bereaved parent; even at Christmas, one of the most painful times of the year, there is an essence of hope. Hope....it is hope that sustains us through the days of grief and anger and frustration and loneliness.

The hope that someday the pain of the deaths of our children will be eased. The hope that someday our smiles will be real.

So, it is that for each of you I would hope....peace, compassion, love, sympathy, understanding, sharing and listening. In the sharing of our grief with one another, and in the emotional support we give to one another, we receive and understand all of these gifts.

Remembering my precious sons....and all of your precious children at this difficult time of year.

OP posts:
everlong · 28/12/2011 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
shabbapinkfrog · 28/12/2011 11:08

Oh yes that is just what you need!!! xxxx

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hazygirl · 28/12/2011 11:14

hi everyone thinking of you shabs and your lovely family, candle lit here.
im gonna to be a grandma again, a little boy, due in may ,its my second grandson, jayden will always be my first grandson, but if one more person says a boy at last im gonna punch their lights out.
dd1 went out and bought him babygros bless her, dd2 loved them ,its a link between the boys, cousons, so 2012 i will be a granny to seven, im begining to feel old.

Original poster
shabbapinkfrog · 28/12/2011 11:50

Wonderful Hazy.....I used to get the opposite said to me 'Awwww not another boy, I bet you wanted a girl!!!' Some people are just knobs fools xxxx

OP posts:
Original poster
shabbapinkfrog · 28/12/2011 11:51

A very dear friend, who I love with all my heart, just put this on my FBook status......

Don't weep at my grave,
For I am not there,
I've a date with a butterfly
To dance in the air.
I'll be singing in the sunshine,
Wild and free,
when u see the butterfly you know im with thee !! x

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 28/12/2011 15:02

Oh, shabba, I love it! Happy birthday to the big boys.

I used to get that thing every time I was pregnant, "oooh are you hoping for a girl?" And then when she died........ I really think people were upset for me that my girl had died, rather than that my child had died. And when I thought about it, there is no way I could every have been less upset had one of my lovely boys been taken from me.

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 28/12/2011 16:53

Hello all from holidays... Just wanted to catch up with you all. Happy birthday to your boys, shabs and ouch! for your hangover everlong. as for being 'fine', it's nice to be away from those expectations, so to those of you being brave as we miss our babies and mums.

Christmas is over, more gently than expected. Think it was all the love surrounding us.

It is very beautiful here, and we are amazed by all the wildlife. But we saw a chicken yesterday, just an ordinary chicken, and I thought 'Mia never saw a chicken. Ducks and geese, dogs and cats, yes. But not a stupid chicken.' Such an everyday thing. She didn't even get to walk on her own, although she would be walking now... It's so much of the ordinary stuff, let alone all the exotic experiences, that she didn't have. I know we probably couldn't have done more with her in those months we had together, but the chicken made me sad... Silly, but there you are.

chipmonkey · 28/12/2011 19:28

Mias glad you got through Christmas OK. I know what you mean about the chickens. It's one of those life experiences which, although simple enough, are ones that our girls will never know.

Whatevertheweather · 28/12/2011 22:23

Glad Christmas went as gently as it could Miasmummy. It's funny the little things that get us. I was thinking the other day that I really wish I'd taken Erin outside just for a moment so she had been 'outdoors'

triplets · 28/12/2011 23:40

That is beautiful Shabs xx
Hazygirl what lovely news to end the year, so happy for you xx

Original poster
shabbapinkfrog · 29/12/2011 09:41

Morning girls xxx

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CheeseandGherkins · 29/12/2011 12:09

Hello everyone. Hope Christmas was peaceful for all. Ours was actually better than I thought it would be. We visited Scarlett and took her some flowers and little things, it was "nice" seeing her on Christmas day. It was very busy there too. We ate at about 6pm as usual, I can't stand the rushing about for dinner at lunchtime so it was very relaxed. Had a few moments and wobbles but overall it was a good day.

Had my first ctg yesterday and all was perfect thankfully, I'll be having them weekly at least now and scans every 3-4 weeks unless I want them more often. I think I might ask for the next one to be sooner. Seeing both consultants next Friday too. 28+5 now, she's breech and I have a feeling will stay that way! I do have low iron though, only 8.5 so I'm taking some liquid iron and hoping that does the trick.

xxx

CheeseandGherkins · 29/12/2011 12:21

This day last year was Scarlett's funeral, what a difference a year can make. I really cannot wait for this awful year to be done with. I'm hoping we have a good year now, this one has been terrible all round. Dh has had more problems too so am really hoping that things brighten up for us.

Bluetinkerbell · 29/12/2011 14:29

dear cheese thinking of you and Scarlett today! Here's hoping for a better year for all of us! x

I'm preparing the house, as my parents and youngest brother and boyfriend will be arriving in a few hours! DH has gone to pick them up from the airport!
Making a lamb hotpot in my slow cooker which I got from PIL for Christmas. (I hope it will be nice... I'm vegetarian Wink)

chipmonkey · 29/12/2011 17:39
frasersmummy · 29/12/2011 19:03

shift up chip.. i brought Wine

new year will be hard for all the newly bereaved .... its like the start of a whole year without your child and the year after you lost them instead of being the year you lost them which feels oddly different

people always think a new year a new start.. and its like they expect you to move on

so here's not so much to the new year but to finding the courage to face 2012 without our babies..

Whatevertheweather · 29/12/2011 20:23

FM that is such a lovely post xx

Bluetinkerbell · 29/12/2011 20:53

chip apparently it was lovely! :)

frasersmummy · 29/12/2011 22:23

well done blue... a few weeks from now you will wonder how you ever got by without your slow cooker

triplets · 30/12/2011 00:11

I find NYE very emotional, this will be my 18th without Matthew, each one gets sadder as the gap widens.He loved NYE, breaks my heart..............I have just heard today that the RAF officer killed in Afghanistan came from Deal, I know his mum, he was 34, brave, handsome. Flown home and died with his family by his side......................bloody sad:(

chipmonkey · 30/12/2011 01:38

triplets, that is so sad.Sad Poor family.

fm I do think you're right about NY. People do seem to expect that it will be a "fresh start" for dh and me. I do want it to be a good year but feel that 2011 was the year of Sylvie-Rose and in a way I don't want to leave it.

ds3 did a cute thing today. He plays a game called Minecraft where you create scenery and houses etc. He planted a row of roses for Sylvie-Rose. So sweet!

Original poster
shabbapinkfrog · 30/12/2011 07:48

Morning girls xx

Oh Trips that is so sad. Another family starting to walk 'our crappy path.' I hate NYE - that was my 'third day' after I had my twins. My milk came through, everything I possessed was hurting - I had the twins 'normally' and it was slightly traumatic. That morning Gareth was transferred to the local childrens hospital....in a very slow ambulance with police motorbike outriders clearing the traffic in front of the ambulance. I struggle so much on NYE but I am up at Chelles this year - with all her large family. No time for crying - thank God.

OP posts:
Helyantha · 30/12/2011 16:15

Another NYE avoider here. Didn't like it too much before, but it's so hard getting through the 'looking back/forward' stuff. As triplets says, the gap widens for most people, but it doesn't for us :(

21 years without my brother, 6 without my son: how can that be??

It will be spring soon though, so we can plant new flowers of hope for our beloved children (& we're actually trying to plan our holidays properly this year - another achievement!)

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 30/12/2011 17:18

I am scared about NYE. I don't want to leave Mia behind in 2011. I am hoping that I can tuck her into my heart and sail into the new year with her there.

Whatevertheweather · 30/12/2011 17:20

For us 2011 will always be the year of Erin. Don't want to go in to 2012; a year that Erin has never been alive in Sad