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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

One of my closest friends died today.

122 replies

JayzMummy · 03/01/2006 23:58

Im really hurting.

She is the brightest, happiest person I have ever known. She has always been there for me when I needed her. She stood by me through some pretty hard times when we were fighting for DS2's diagnosis and I cant believe she is gone

I really can not take it all in.
I sat chatting with her this morning whilst having a coffee...we were laughing about the antics we got up to on New Years Eve, looking at the photos and having a really good giggle.
She said she felt like she was getting a headache coming so I took her son with me so she could potter around at home and put her feet up.
I dropped him off outside their house a couple of hours later.
She collapsed at 3pm and her DH called for an ambulance...its was to late...she died. Why???

She was fit and healthy. Shes the party girl. She never smoked in her life and is so bloomin active.
The hospital are saying it was an aneurysm but we will know more once the have done all they need to do.
FGS she is only 42. She has a 13 year old boy who needs his mom...this just cant be happening.
I feel so numb/sick/confused...my DH is in shock and my kids heartbroken...she is just such a huge part of our life...Why???

OP posts:

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JayzMummy · 10/01/2006 23:18

Its the funeral tomorrow
I dont want to go
I dont want to sit in church and know my closest, dearest friend is sleeping just feet away from me.
Most of my other friends went to see her today in the chapel of rest....I couldnt go....I want to remember her full of life...not lieing in a wooden box.
God I miss her so much....my mornings are never going to be the same....we talked every morning and planned our days. We spent every Tuesday morning together....this morning I felt so alone.

Her poor poor boy is in pieces....he asked me today who will take him to the beach in the summer??....who will take him to footie practice??? who will support him when he swims in the galas??...who will be there when he gets home from school??? How the hell do you answer those questions???

Im so angry that a beautiful, loving mother and friend can be taken away so suddenly and at such a young age....still can not understand why and I dont believe I ever will.

I just want the pain to go away for all of us.

OP posts:

hermykne · 10/01/2006 23:25

jayzmummy
i am so sorry for you, this is heartbreaking,
my dh lost his dad at 13, and to this day, he is now 40, its like yesterday for him.

the pain will be hard to bear but you will because she was your best friend and she needs you to.

the funeral is hard but its a time to share everything about her with all who go and feel wonderful things about her for her son too to know he had a great mum.

hugs

LadySherlockofLGJ · 10/01/2006 23:28

JM

Please, please go tomorrow, even if you have to leave and just head for the beach/the hills etc.,

Try and go and say goodbye, I walked into the church for Yvonne's funeral, and practically had to be carried out at the end by my dad and some one else of the parish, it passed in a blur, but it gave me some sort of clousure.

I hope this helps.

Much love

LGJ

soapbox · 10/01/2006 23:31

JM - wishing you strength to see you through tomorrow

marthamoo · 10/01/2006 23:47

Oh JM, I wish I could make it better for you .

hunkermunker · 10/01/2006 23:58

JM, I'm so, so, so sorry - I cannot imagine what you are feeling right now, but your posts are so raw and sad.

Funerals are SO hard, I dread them, but in some ways, they're almost a relief - a place to be with the people who loved the person best and remember them as they were.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow - I hope you do decide to go to the funeral, but you must make the decision that's right for you. If you do go, you can always leave if it does get too much. You will always remember your friend as the vibrant, loving person she was.

Much love x x x

FrumpyGrumpy · 11/01/2006 00:02

Oh darling, I just stumbled upon this thread and just couldn't not reply, I hope that's ok and not intruding.....

Firstly, as I sit with the tears pouring down my face, I send all of you much love.

Second, you write so eloquently about her and that will surely be a huge benefit to her son when he needs to hear it. Maybe you could write some stuff down for him, he might not always feel he can ask but in his own time and his own privacy he might get comfort and a different insight into his wonderful mum. How proud would many be to say they had a surfer mum (rock chick!). In some way, you might get comfort from writing some of it too and when you read it back in a while to come you will be surprised and delighted that some small details come back.

I wish you peace for tonight and strength for tomorrow, don't worry if you fall apart at the seams, its what the day is for. Will be thinking about you, good luck honey.

"A thing of beauty is a joy forever, its loveliness increases and it will never pass into nothingness"

JayzMummy · 11/01/2006 16:10

I hate life, I hate God and I hate myself for feeling so bloody selfish.

I want her back.....I dont want her lieing in a wooden box in a cold and empty grave yard.

I want to hear her laugh again and see her smiling face....I want to pick up the phone and hear her say "hiya muffin...what we up to??"...
I want to dance crazy dances with her....sing silly songs and giggle the night away.... I want to go shopping with her...I want to go for a sauna and a swim with her...I want to go for a surf and have her with me...I want to stroll along the beach and natter about all the things we want for our children...I want her to come to my house and sit around all day just flicking through mags....I want to sit and listen to her tell me all of her dreams and hopes and fears....I want to tell her all mine....I want her to walk in my house and shout out "spud, Sprout I am here" and watch her cuddling my DS's...I want and I cant have, not now, not ever.

She was my dancing queen, my surfy chick, my beach babe, my friend, my rock and I love her so much.

Life is a bitch and then you die!

OP posts:

Gingerbear · 11/01/2006 16:17

life is so unfair. It isn't much comfort now to you, because you are missing her so much, but she was obviously a fabulous friend and those memories of her will be with you always.

When my grandad died, some years ago, I wrote down all the things we used to do, special things about him, jokes he told, his mannerisms etc. I put them in a little book with his photos. As the years pass, this book helps me to remember him.

kkgirl · 11/01/2006 16:18

JM

So sorry to hear about your friend, can't believe something so tragic and horrific can happen.
Your friend sounded like such fun and so full of life, and it beats me how things like this can happen when there is so much evil and such cruel people still living.

Nothing can make it any better, but remember those good times and cherish those memories.

Thinking of you.
Take care.

blueteddy · 11/01/2006 16:19

Message withdrawn

melrose · 11/01/2006 16:27

For once, words fail me.

I am thinking of you and the horrible day that you are having. You have lost an incredible friend and I cannot imagine how that feels. Perhaps you can gain some stength from the fact that you can still be a wonderful friend to her, by taking care of her beloved DH and DS

xxx

Hausfrau · 11/01/2006 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrumpyGrumpy · 11/01/2006 17:26

Today has been such a tough day. Funerals are the worms in the poo.

Keep posting, type away, when you feel so frustrated its the only thing that comes close to helping.

Love to you honey.

hunkermunker · 11/01/2006 21:49

JM, have been thinking of you today x x x x

Clary · 11/01/2006 22:10

Jayzmummy I'm sorry I hadn't seen your thread.
I am sitting here in tears reading your posts, especially that one about your friend's son asking who will take him to footie practice...
I don't know what to say except that she sounds like such a wonderful wonderful friend and you were all so lucky to have her and know her.
I am sure she knew how much you all loved her. Just hold all the precious memories of her and keep talking and thinking and laughing with her and about her and she will life in your hearts and never die.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 11/01/2006 22:20

Sititng here sobbing, please believe me, time dulls the pain.

Much love

LGJ

hornbag · 11/01/2006 22:24

Thinking of you

kleist · 11/01/2006 22:31

JM . You're going through probably every one's worst nightmare. We all dread losing loved ones and we all dread having to face the thoughts of children losing their precious mothers.

I'm so sad for you. For all of you. Keep remembering her.

hullabaloo · 12/01/2006 00:47

Jayzmummy I didn't see this message until now . I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you were truly blessed with a wonderful friendship and a beautiful person. Thinking of you and both of your families.

FrumpyGrumpy · 16/01/2006 15:13

Hi honey, just wondered how you're feeling? Probably like a pile of shite with glass in it but I don't mind if you type that.

I always find a few days after the funeral, when the rest of the world starts revolving again, I want to scream "Don't you know what's happened to ME!" It can feel like you're going about with that big black rain cloud on top of your head and no-one can see it.

Dinosaur · 16/01/2006 15:18

Jayzmummy I'm sorry, I somehow missed this.

How heartbreaking. I'm so, so sorry.

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