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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

One of my closest friends died today.

122 replies

JayzMummy · 03/01/2006 23:58

Im really hurting.

She is the brightest, happiest person I have ever known. She has always been there for me when I needed her. She stood by me through some pretty hard times when we were fighting for DS2's diagnosis and I cant believe she is gone

I really can not take it all in.
I sat chatting with her this morning whilst having a coffee...we were laughing about the antics we got up to on New Years Eve, looking at the photos and having a really good giggle.
She said she felt like she was getting a headache coming so I took her son with me so she could potter around at home and put her feet up.
I dropped him off outside their house a couple of hours later.
She collapsed at 3pm and her DH called for an ambulance...its was to late...she died. Why???

She was fit and healthy. Shes the party girl. She never smoked in her life and is so bloomin active.
The hospital are saying it was an aneurysm but we will know more once the have done all they need to do.
FGS she is only 42. She has a 13 year old boy who needs his mom...this just cant be happening.
I feel so numb/sick/confused...my DH is in shock and my kids heartbroken...she is just such a huge part of our life...Why???

OP posts:

Report

QueenVictoria · 04/01/2006 21:10

So sorry JM

Frizbetheexpansionset · 04/01/2006 21:14

so sorry

hunkermunker · 04/01/2006 21:15

JM, I'm so sorry to hear this

lockets · 04/01/2006 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JayzMummy · 04/01/2006 21:35

Thank you all so very much for the support and kind words. They are deeply appreciated.

Its been a horrid 24 hours now and the pain is just as intense, if not more.
The realisation that I have lost my surfing buddy is finally hitting home.
I went for a long walk on the beach today and sat for what seemed like forever just gazing out to sea. We have spent so many hours in all weathers surfing the waves and I cant believe that she will never be with me again.
All the fun tmes we have shared together whilst ogggling at the young surfy bums bottoms came flooding back. The cool box always stashed with a bottle of vino and an ice pack, so we could enjoy a chilled glass whilst our Ds's would build sandcastles. Her fluffy pink towel that she never seemed to get a grain of sand on...quite how she ever managed that I dont know but it would make us all laugh so much. The way she would always be the first in her shorts and skimpy tops the minute the sun began to shine....its all gone...just memories now...very precious memories.

The whole village seems to be affected by the loss...its such a close knit community here that everyone knows everyone else.It seems so eiry and quiet...everyone going about their business but all having that look in their eye that they know its a sad time...such a wonderful member of our village family has gone.

I visited her lovely Dh and adorable son...not many words were said...what words are there to say?? How can you tell someone you are sorry...sorry just doesnt convey how I feel.
The poor man sat holding me and comforting me....telling me he was sorry...her poor poor son...I held him in my arms and wished I could take his pain away...OMG how I wish I could.

Her poor baby was at the house with her when it happened...he saw her collapse and he called for his father...by the time the ambulance had arrived she had died...died in the arms of the man and boy she lived her life for....how will her son ever get over that??

All I can do is look out for him and make sure he knows that his Mom was a wonderful, wonderful woman who lit up a room when she entered it...who filled peoples hearts with joy and laughter and gave us all a life time of fondest memories.

The saddest part of the day was when her DH gave me Ds1's birthday present...the silly old moo had wrapped up a photograph of our guys all together in a "Best Buds Forever" frame...it was a snapshot taken of the guys on New years Eve...just 4 bloody nights ago...we were all smiling and laughing and having so much fun....now we are sat feeling so much sorrow and pain.

I still cant understand why and I dont think I ever will

OP posts:

cupcakes · 04/01/2006 21:38

Really thinking of you.
It may one day be a comfort to her ds and dh that she died with the ones she loved and not alone. Maybe he can somehow take some solace from the fact that he was there at her last moment.
Your friendship sounds so special. At least she must have known how much you loved her.

soapbox · 04/01/2006 21:45

JM - sitting here in tears reading your last post

She sounds like a wonderful friend as do you. She lived life to the full from the sounds of it, and left abiding memories in teh minds of those she left behind. That in itself is a testimony to a life well lived.

I hope once your immediate grief has past that you will use your great crafting skills to make her DS and DH a scrapbook of all that you guys shared together, so that they have a tangible reminder of how wonderful she was. Perhaps it would be cathartic for you too

The community you live in sounds wonderful - I hope you can all draw strength from each other over the coming days and weeks. There is another great community here too for when RL gets too much

Take care - be kind to yourself

soapbox · 04/01/2006 21:45

passed - not past

LadySherlockofLGJ · 04/01/2006 21:48

JM

I could not post today, because I lost a friend nearly 20 years ago, along with three other members of our community , (car crash) and your post was just too raw for me.

The pain and the hurt you feel will never go away, you learn to cope and you learn to get around it.

I missed my friend (I grew up with her from birth) so very much that when I was PG, if it was a girl, I was determined to call her Yvonne, until DH very gently pointed out that it was a big name for a little girl. (Too many memories etc.,)

I miss Yvonne so very much even now, but the hurt does dissipate, I used to go down to the sea at night, and abuse God and all his plans and basically rage at life.

It will scab over, but in the beginning it takes very little to knock the scab off and with time(that old cliche) it gets better.

The first of everything is the hardest.

Sorry if post is not making much sense, but I am struggling.

Thinking of you.

Much love

LGJ

mykidsmum · 04/01/2006 21:51

jayzmummy, nothing I can say can make you feel better, but I feel for you my love i really do and send my love to all those who loved and knew your friend xxxxx

bubble99 · 04/01/2006 21:53

I don't know what to say. What is there to say??

I couldn't pass this by without posting something, though.

Thinking of you.

XX

Screwballmuppet · 04/01/2006 21:54

So sorry

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 04/01/2006 21:54

Am in tears at your post Jazmommy. I am so so sorry.

mykidsmum · 04/01/2006 21:54

Love to you too LGJ, my dp went through a similar experience 18 years ago, he was in the car that crashed.Life is so cruel. my love to you all xxxx

jenk1 · 04/01/2006 22:00

LadySherlockofLGJ · 04/01/2006 22:03

MKM

Thank you.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 04/01/2006 22:03

Tamba

Sorry I was on the phone and missed your message, but thank you.

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 04/01/2006 22:12

LGJ (((( hugs ))))

bettythebuilder · 04/01/2006 22:56

I've just worked my way thro the swap thread you've been organising, and was thinking what a kind person you are for doing all that for others. Then I saw this thread. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, for the pain you feel. I wish you, and your friend's family, all the strength in the world.

edam · 04/01/2006 23:00

Jayzmummy, I am so very sorry.

MrsWood · 05/01/2006 23:09

I'm so very sorry for your loss.
This happened to a cousin I am very close too couple of years ago. Her husband died one afternoon after complaining of a headache. She said she found him cold on a sofa after he didn't get up for dinner. It was shocking - it couldn't have happened at the worst time for them (not that any time is good!). They planned a new baby, they've just bought a new house and were due to move few days afterwards, and their dd was only 5 - my cousin was 30 and a widow (her husband was just 32). It's heartbreaking but apparently, neither of them could have known - he was born with it and like a time bomb, waiting to explode.
Again, my thoughts are with you.

Hausfrau · 06/01/2006 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gravity · 08/01/2006 14:13

jayzmummy - i just wanted to check in on you. hugs xx

spursmum · 08/01/2006 14:17

Hugs for all who need them. My thoughts are with you.

BudaBabe · 08/01/2006 14:28

Oh Jayzmummy - I am in tears reading your posts esp about the present for your DS. Would love to be able to say something to ease the hurt but there is nothing. Time will ease it though I am sure it doesn't seem like it now.

LGJ - hugs to you too hon.

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