'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

Sounds like a good idea ,sleep well x

shabs scanning through the thread, I thought you said that you had to google X factor to see what it was! I was there thinking you were one of those intellectual types with no telly!

Ah feck it, shabs that song makes me cry!

No - intellectual me? Never!! xx

dee (hugs)

Have a drink for me too please ladies, I've needed one three a few times lately but obviously didn't have any! So much stress still with dh's mother, it's really getting me down. Too much to go into now but it's a big mess and she's just ignoring him at the moment, no support whatsoever whenever we've needed it most and was vile to us after Scarlett died. Anyway, getting worked up again so I'll avoid that.

Washing machine should be being fixed tomorrow now, man was off sick today so the washing is piling up, just hope it's tomorrow.

Hope you're all having a nice evening. xx

dee I want to echo what the other ladies are saying, You can do this! We are all here if you need to rant or scream.

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies

Never did get that lie in, but i do feel much better today.

Hope today is good for you all x

Morning Dee xxx

Morning all. Feeling just as stressed today as last night, just can't get things off my mind. Really don't know how to deal with things with his mum, well, I don't have to deal with her but he does and she's still refusing to even reply to him. All for no apparent reason and we really need to get things sorted out as he's basically stuck on a mortgage with her (he went on as she couldn't get it alone and he did it to save her about £50k, long story) and so he can't come on with me and I'm worried about losing the house. It's all a nightmare. Sorry to go on.

Hope your days are better than mine xx

Oh cheese what a nightmare, mil sounds like a right piece of work. Hope things work out for you. x

dee Glad you are feeling better today.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Hi jane, me too but this has been ongoing for about 2 years now... only getting worse, if she'd just discuss things with him so we knew where we stood it would be more acceptable but as it is she's trying to alienate his siblings against him for daring to want his own life! She's given no support this pregnancy and is just making things more stressful, I'm really shocked and saddened by her behaviour. I don't have siblings myself but my parents are wonderful and really are there for us, thankfully.

I'm just wallowing today, waiting for the man to fix the washing machine. Had plans of making mince pies and mincemeat biscuits today and then doing some cleaning but I really can't be bothered! See if I can motivate myself soon. Can't stop eating ice but all I want is to eat lots of chocolate to make myself feel better but I can't even do that. Sorry, very self pitying today, shall try and pick myself up shortly.

You wallow away, Cheese, it sounds well needed. Have you thought about perhaps getting a solicitor inolved? It might giver her the kick up the arse she needs to actually talk to your DH?

I have plans of making (diabetic friendly) teabread today, as i made some over the weekend and ate the bloody lot, but like you, i really can't be arsed. Instead i'm going to paint a wall in what will soon be the boys bedroom. We've got blackboard paint so they can draw on it - i think they'll be impressed! As for your chocolate craving - i sympathise. Remeber though, a little of what you fancy does you good, missus, and if all else fails, try Horlicks chocolatey malt light - it's delicious and gives a good chocolate boost without the high sugars.

Hadn't thought about that dee but I'd be worried about making it worse, he'd be the "bad guy" yet again, sigh. His sisters are younger 13 and 16 so really there is actually nothing he can do but it's all the not knowing what's going on that is making it worse. We can't plan anything without knowing what's happening. She promised him and his brother (who is also on it) at the time that they could get off the mortgage any time they wanted to but has gone back on that. She's been saying she wants to move for well over a year and said she'd be putting the house on the market when they came back from holiday in August but that hasn't happened either.

It's a 5 bed, really large house for the 3 of them and she's gone on about not needing it and wanting to be mortgage free etc but it appears to be just lip service. It's not like they'd be out on the street, they'd be living mortgage free (which was what she wanted) and I think dh has been more than patient with her. So I'm stuck on a mortgage with my ex husband, he wants to get off it and I can't get one on my own. It's just a big mess. There's a fair amount of equity in this house as well (my dad put down a deposit) on it and I've paid the mortgage for the years since I divorced ex and at the moment he's agreeing to just get off the mortgage without taking any of the money (only lived here for 2 or so years together here so he's not really put much into it) but I don't know how long that'll last as he's just got a new girlfriend. It's all far too complicated.

Do you fancy posting the recipe for that dee? It sounds really lovely. I am still trying to motivate myself to bake today, I'm determined to at some point! The biscuits only take minutes so I will drag myself up off my arse soon!

I did buy some of the treatsize chocolates but haven't had any yet as I'm so worried about harming the baby, maybe I should get a box of celebrations or something like that as they're even smaller. I'l l have to try the horlicks [hsmile]

Take the painting easy, what colour are you doing it?

One treat sized mars bar or equivilent will not harm the baby, my lovely. If you do want one, the best time to have it is after a meal - think of it as a little dessert.

The teabread is really really simple.

350g mixed dried fruit
1 large egg
75g demerera sugar
175g self raising flour.

Put your fruit in a bowl, add a quarter of a pint of boiling water and leave to saok for half an hour. Then add the egg and demereara sugar and mix. Then add the flour and mix till sticky. Put in a greased and lined 1lb loaf tin and then in oven on gas 4 for aout an hour or so.

We've just finished the 3rd coat of magnolia - we had to cover the shocking pink walls, then we're painting three walls turquoise, and one wall black, with blackboard paint, which they can then draw on

Thanks for the recipe, I'll give that a go, looks really nice :)

I'll have something little after eating this evening, see how I get on, thanks :)

That's a brilliant idea, I bet they'll love the blackboard paint! I love a turquoise too.

Hi Cheese - I'm guessing you have/may have gestational diabetes? That's what the doctors were 99% was the reason for our baby Jack being born sleeping. I have a very good friend with type 2 diabetes, and at his advice, I bought a home blood sugar testing kit (from the chemist, was about £20 at the time). I was pretty obsessive about testing after I had eaten (think it was within an hour but I can't be sure now as my DD are 8 and 5). If nothing else, it gave me much more of a sense of control and took away some of the fear of the same thing happening again. Just a thought xx

Hi parttime I do have GD, I was given a glucose monitor by the hospital at 13 weeks and after a few days testing they put me onto insulin so I'm on that now. I have to test 4 times a day and whenever I feel it necessary. I'm at a different hospital now than the one I had Scarlett at and they seem quite sure that I would have had GD with her too and the post mortem indicated that. They weren't even going to test me until 24 weeks this time and then only with a GTT. My new consultant said that's not the best way and it isn't 100% and that she prefers to get people testing their sugar when it's questioned. Thanks for the advice :) xx

Sterre's memorial stone had just arrived! I've uploaded a pic on my profile if you want to have a peek! It is absolutely wonderful!

Oh blue, it is absolutely wonderful - totally perfect. I'm glad your happy with it

My brother is a monumental mason, and when Ciaran died, he made a memorial plaque for him. On it, it says 'Step softly, for a dream lay here...' It's beautiful, fitting and right.

That's the chalkboard painted wall done. Am knackered now!!!

Dee that is such a nice thing for Ciaran's memorial plaque! Sitting here crying and smiling at the same time!

Cheese - sorry, obviously grandmothers and eggs there!

blue it's beautiful, I'm tempted by them myself! How do you feel now it's arrived?

dee that's really lovely xx

parttime always glad to have advice :)

Washing machine man is here!

Oh my word Dee......just read your post and burst into tears....my DH is now totally convinced that I am barking mad!! What beautiful words for your little man xx