'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

Beautiful OP Dee, thank you xx

In memory of my DD1, Bobbie, born sleeping on 9th October 2010, so tiny and fragile. I'm so sorry sweetheart, I love you so much xxx

Please know I dared to love you, and if Heaven?s rules allow
I?ll hold you close again one day, and forget the pain of now

Mylittlebubble your post on page 1 touched me - I remember so well how quickly people stopped mentioning/asking and how much I NEEDED to talk about DD. They couldn't face my grief and were protecting themselves. I felt so so alone. You can talk about Joseph as much as you like here, for as many years as you need to. We all understand the need.

We celebrated Bobbie's first birthday the weekend before last and I made her a big chocolate birthday cake. We took her roses, and her baby sister to see her, and cried many more tears again. So many what ifs and if onlys.

spilt I was expecting it but not so quickly. The mum's at the childminders pratically run to thier cars when they see me in fear of having to speak to me. So sad. I guess my life is a scary place for those around me right now and they just don't want to go there. I have been honest with my friends about my feelings and promised them I will be honest if they say anything to upset me but asked them to be normal as not normal is more upsetting as I know they are compensating.

I have just ordered 'Water Bug and Dragonflys' and 'an angel instead' to read to my 3 year old.

A few of you have talked about signs. We feel we have had a couple since Joseph left us.

At his funeral we were standing at his little garden that we had picked for him when a big dragon fly circled his garden. Then it went to my husband then over to me back to his garden then flew away. It was magical. My brother and SIL were standing with us and agreed it was special. We asked the manager of the crem if they got Dragonflys there and he said he had never seen one there in the 10 years he has worked there.

Mylittlebubble that's lovely, I'm sure that was Joseph saying hello to you :) We had something with a dragonfly and Scarlett too, we were putting up a set of dragonfly wind chimes in the tree next to her and as we were leaving a dragonfly flew around us. We got to the car and it came alongside and flew along with us for a few meters and then flew off. I think it was her too. It's comforting I find xx

lovely opening Dee,remembering jayden, our precious grandson fell asleep nearly five years ago, never ever forgotten ,xx

That's lovely cheese xxx

The week after Joseph left us we were walking through town and my DD stopped and called us both back to her. She said did you see that, that white feather. We dismissed it as we couldn't find the feather. The following week we past the same point and I asked DD what she had seen the previous week and she replied ' a white feather mummy. I think it was Joseph coming to say goodbye to me'. Our jaws dropped to the floor.

I have heard other people talk about these lovely things happening but never thought they would happen to us. Whether they are really signs or just things I find comforting, I am happy to believe them and find love and comfort in them xx

Ah chip that arbor is lovely. I'm sure Sylvie-Rose's garden will be just beautiful. We ordered those books too on Blues recommendation. Along with 'No Matter What' - the inspiration for Caz's thread. They do help especially 'We were gonna have a baby' And yes sorry I did mean ds4

Blue sorry to hear your dsis has been so insensitive. I really hope you get your bfp very soon. DHAC's love it Dee will repeat that to myself when I encounter them

Cheese and Mylittlebubble - what lovely reminders from Scarlett and Joseph that they are still near. That must be such a comfort.

We ordered Erin's headstone today. Was hard but glad we did it. I think it will be really lovely for her. Spent some time with her at the grave today making up some new flower baskets and putting a new wind whirler up there for her. Someone has been and left a lovely Rose bush there for her. Don't know who but it is so lovely to know someone else is thinking of her.

I can't seem to move for fb updates about babies being born - the last of my friends who was due around the same time as me gave birth yesterday. That's 4 of us all had girls, except I'm the only one with empty arms

Hope everyone is okay this evening x

Talking of signs, ds3's teacher came up to me to day, partially to sympathise and partially to complain about ds3's unwillingness to do any work!
He ( the teacher) has actually been absent for ten days as his own mother died and he told me this as he thought it would be helpful to us.

At his mother's funeral, his aunt told him that his deceased uncle frequently leaves signs and mentioned feathers. The teacher is already fairly sure that the spirits of our loved ones are all around us but was a bit about the feathers. Till he went home to his own house and found 2 feathers inexplicably lying on his couch!

Whatever can I just say that you were so good to support that lady on the PROM thread. I was going to post but have to confess that after reading through the thread, I got very upset about all the prem babies that did very well and wondered why Sylvie-Rose couldn't have been one of them. Particularly because she did very well for 7 weeks and then just went and died suddently!
And I felt like a bitter old hag by not posting anything helpful but you were great!

You know ladies, right now i could very easily, get rip roaring drunk. Except i'm pregnant. And i don't drink.

I know that feeling well Dee xx

How about a good rant instead ?

Here if you need a shoulder x

Thanks sweetheart.

It's just Tatey. Dunno if you've seen my FB, but they think he may have autism. I had suspected for a while, but actually hearing her say it, yunno? It's thrown me somewhat.

Dee - I hope I didn't say the wrong thing on your Facebook status.

If you want I can get drunk on your behalf I have some strong cider apple juice in the fridge that I can hear calling my name.

Always, always here for you....fighting your corner with you xxxxx

I hadn't seen it (was doing important stuff like playing bejewelled )

I am not surprised it has thrown you , anything different just chucks us back into the mire doesn't it ? You and he will be fine I am sure , he is a lucky boy in so many ways x

I know there isn't a quick fix or a sentence to help but you have a lot of people on your side , use them x

No matter what they finally diagnose your little man with you are a wonderful Mum and 'all will be well....all WILL be well.' All anybody needs is their Mam and Dads love. xxx

Oh that's a good idea , me and Shabs can get drunk instead

I am pretty good at it if I say so myself .

My God I am a classy bird - NOT!!!

No Shabbs, what you said is true. And please have a drink or three for me.

I know all will be well because shabbs said so and i've coped with much worse. I'll cope with this too.

The one thing thats really upset me is that if he does have Factor X Syndrome, he got it from me. And Brogan could be a carrier and give it to her children. Brennan could have it too, and this little one i'm carrying

G'wan then. Get sloshed for me you bitches

Dee , I think any child with suspected sn is tested for fragile x . Not much help and I know you will still worry but it is a routine thing rather than a specific to your gorgeous boy thing x

Ah thank you Chip. I know what you mean though about hearing of really weeny preemies beating all the odds. I've read so many uplifting stories on here that I had utter blind faith the doctors would be able to work their magic on Erin. She was 35 weeks, 5lbs and had a heartbeat - how could they not save her?!

Sorry to hear your going through another tough time Dee. These things really are sent to try us. ......

Yay for the getting sloshed

I think I may have a large vodka , just for you Dee , I am nothing if not generous .

I know TW but i worry I swear i'm only happy when i'm worrying about something.

Y'know, i'm not actually a drinker. My drink of choice used to be either a Southern Comfort or Jack Daniels. And i'm not adverse to a Newkie Brown either

I have just had to google Factor X - have never heard of it before.

Dee....I know it is easy for me to say...I also know that you have had a rotten day...you must be very tired and your imagination must be running away with you. My dear friend, one step at a time...with each result that comes back for your precious little man, you will be able to make plans for what is going to happen. You have already gone through the worst thing possible for a Mum...have you heard me - 'gone through' you know what I mean though.

Everything is up in the air at the moment. Once you have definite diagnosis you can (with our help) stand up tall, shoulders back and smile pinned on. Even though we have never met in real life - I know you are a strong, loving, caring and amazing Mum. YOU CAN DO THIS and Im sure I speak for all of us on here...we will all help xxxxx

No eye rolling needed , we all worry , as a parent it is what we do , as a bereaved parent we do it to excess , it is shite but I really don't think we can stop that . But you are not alone .

A bottle of dog ! I haven't had one of those for years , not much call for it down in the soppy south . Used to love the odd bottle .

Thank you both.

I'm going to take me and my hormones to bed. It's been a long day and i'm bloody well haing a lie in in the morning