Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

993 replies

DawnOfTheDeementedDead · 16/10/2011 14:44

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

OP posts:
Bluetinkerbell · 05/12/2011 21:29

FM hugs and prayers for you! please let us know if there is anything we can do! x

CazBX · 05/12/2011 21:32

fm just lots of love to you xxx

LottieJenkins · 05/12/2011 21:32

FM Sending you and your family love, hugs and prayers..................... xxxxxxxxxx

chipmonkey · 05/12/2011 21:36

Btw guys I am posting from my phone as both computers in our house are broken. Hope I'm not coming across as being overly curt.

Everlong · 05/12/2011 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheeseandGherkins · 05/12/2011 21:53

FM so sorry to hear that, thinking of you xxx

lavandes · 05/12/2011 22:06

I am so sorry fm, sending love to you and your family xx

dairyhog · 05/12/2011 22:25

Thank you for those links whatevertheweather; they're perfect!

Also, so sad to see another family is grieving tonight. Very sorry about your mum FM. Take care.

shabbapinkfrog · 06/12/2011 06:52

Morning girls xx

lavandes · 06/12/2011 07:02

Morning ladies xx

CheeseandGherkins · 06/12/2011 07:25

Happy birthday darling Scarlett Niamh, 1 year today, it's gone so fast yet feels like only yesterday. We love and miss you xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 06/12/2011 07:27

Thinking of you and Scarlett today - lighting my candle to honour, respect and send love to your precious little lady xxx

Whatevertheweather · 06/12/2011 07:54

Happy Birthday precious Scarlett Niamh. Sending you floaty kisses and sending your brave mummy big hugs xxx

Bluetinkerbell · 06/12/2011 08:00

Happy birthday sweet Scarlett! big hugs for you and your family today Cheese

lavandes · 06/12/2011 09:31

Sending losts of love and strength to you and your family today cheese and of course remembering your beautiful Scarlett hope she is playing with all the other precious angel babies. xxx

frasersmummy · 06/12/2011 10:00

oh cheese.... can you believe its been a year .. feels like yesterday doesnt it .. happy birthday scarlett ...one today.. should have been a lovely milestone for you alll..I am thinking of you cheese

My mum was the person I could cry with. . I cried for hours while she just held my hand after we lost Fraser...she was of course the only person who could give me a mummy cuddle. I loved her sooo much and I didnt want to lose her and yet she has suffered so much this last year that I know its for the best and now she is free of pain and suffering

This is a very different sort of bereavment to losing my son. With Fraser there are soo many questions unanswered so many things that he missed out on and we missed out on not having him. For the next however many years people will say do you only have the 1 child , etc etc

With my mum its natural that she went before me .. we know why she died.. she got very ill.. we saw it happen. We didnt expect the rapid decline that happened laterally but we knew it was inevitable
But she was only 68 and I didnt want to lose my mum I loved her soo much

I will take some flowers to Frasers garden later and light a candle for my mum as well.

I am going to be with my poor dad ...

Helyantha · 06/12/2011 10:29

So sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, Frasersmummy - you will be in my thoughts and prayers today

Wishing you a gentle day, Cheese x

chipmonkey · 06/12/2011 11:26

Have lit a scarlet candle for Scarlett.

travellingwilbury · 06/12/2011 12:43

cheese a candle is lit here for Scarlett , I know no words can help but please know you and Scarlett are in my thoughts today .

fm I am so sorry to hear about your mum , a huge hug for you , and your dad . Be kind to yourself , it is a hard thing to get through anyway without all you have been through already .

When my nan died ,( who was more like a mum to me ) I remember feeling cross and a bit jealous that she would be with Harry and I wasn't and that she would spend more time with him than I had . This may just be my madness but I just thought I should tell you .

tallulahpolly · 06/12/2011 12:50

fm so sorry about your Mum. Mine is a similar age and I would be lost without her.
cheese thinking of you today.

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 06/12/2011 13:13

cheese I am wearing my scarlet scarf in honour of your lovely Scarlett.

fm you are in my thoughts. Your mum will be cuddling your boy, telling him how much you love both.

My grandmother died 3 days before Mia, so we like to think she is there to love our little girl.

Everlong · 06/12/2011 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chipmonkey · 06/12/2011 14:04

So far today, ds4 has spilled blue paint onto dh's laptop and left the tap running and the plug in upstairs. He tells me Sylvie-Rose is coming to his birthday party but that she doesn't have any legs.
He is delightful, really!

Everlong · 06/12/2011 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LottieJenkins · 06/12/2011 18:46

Im now starting on my difficult struggle towards Jacks birthday..........Sad He would have been 17 on the 22nd December.............Old enough to learn to drive. It doesnt get any easier each year,,,,,,,,,