'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

Oh Chip well done you. So glad it wasn't too painful seeing your dn.

Morning everyone xx

shabs, I have friend requested you on FB but it wouldn't let me message to say who I was. I'm the one with the weird Irish name.
(Btw, will understand if you don't want to friend me in case I'm a hairy trucker troll, will not take offence!)

Afternoon. Hope everyone's getting by. Feeling quite odd today, tomorrow is the year anniversary of Scarlett's death and then her birthday on the 6th. Sometime between late tonight and tomorrow Scarlett died, we didn't know for sure until we went in on the 2nd early afternoon and were scanned though. Been out today buying some new decorations and bits for us and for her, which we're taking tomorrow.

Have to dash, dh just had a call from his mum saying she's in hospital apparently from carbon monoxide poisoning.

Ahhhh thats who the hairy trucker is? LOL - Have accepted love. Had a nosey on your profile and realised who it was

And guess what, shabba, we share a birthday!

noticed that - also noticed you are soooooooooooooo much younger than me!! x

Back now, she'd discharged herself and is waiting on test results. He tried to get her to get her appliances etc checked over in the mean time (has 2 younger sisters living there too) so hopefully she's done that now. She's a 4 hour drive away, which took us more like 6 last time in traffic, so isn't really feasible to go there at the moment.

Anyway, really irritable at the moment, barely keeping things together.

oh God what a week ...

Friday last week mum rushed into hospital... oxygen so slow they are surprised she was still alive. She was in overnight with a chest infection
Quite why she was sent home the next day I dont know ..

You know where this is going dont you .. Tues night she started and by 6am yesterday she was unconscious and on a machine one step down fom respirator at hosp

At 1pm yesterday we were told she wasnt responding to treatment and it was only a matter of hours (deja vu anyone)

By 5pm she was off the respirator and holding her own.. they have now decided its pleurisy.. thought that had died out years ago!! but then I thought stillbirths were a thing of the past too ..

cheese..hope your mum is ok and that she gets her appliances and stuff checked out for all your sakes

Its really odd thinking that your child died before they were born isnt it ??

I will light a candle for scarlett in the morning .. sending you lots of hugs

I always find the day between frasers remember date his b /day very odd.. never quite sure what I am supposed to do with myself
You have quite a gap to cope with .Its gonna be a rough week.. we are all here

FM - I like the sound of your Mum - a proper fighter.

My Mums Alzhaimers is a weird thing. When we are in each others company she is just like 'my old Mum' - mind you I have told her there will be no tears about this crap condition....we will laugh in its face and kick it in its balls...(she laughed at that so we are sticking with it) She has lost so much weight. Spent all her life with family taking the mickey cause she was always a big lady (like me) she seems to be shrinking. Today I have got rid of her 'moustache' LOL and her little beard. We ended up nearly wetting ourselves laughing. I ended up plucking some of the hairs out. Then I did her nails. Neither of us are very girly but both wish we were. Awwww my poor Mum...she held me close and said 'Never let anybody call you fat, dont put up with any crap....you have lived a life of hell and you still smile...I love you.'

shabba Its lovely that you can have these moments with your mum despite her cruel illness

Mum is a fighter for sure.. the paramedics didnt know why she was still alive this time .. lol. Its such a shame that she only seems to get a little better before falling over again and she has to start all over again

oh well keep calm and carry on

When I was a little girl my Mum used to sing 'Ce sera sera' to me and when I wasn't very well she would sing 'Scarlet Ribbons'. This Royle Family clip is just my Mam and my Gran....and I have no doubt this will be Me and my Mam. xxx

Hope your Mum and MIL are okay FM and Cheese what a time you're both having

Cheese I will be thinking about you and Scarlett tomorrow. I am going to light a candle for Erin and will be lighting one for Scarlett too if that is okay.

Shabs your mum sounds fantastic

Went to 2nd bereavement counselling today. Finding it quite helpful, the lady is very insightful and makes a lot of sense which is helping me order my thoughts.

Just finished watching Harry Potter 7 Pt2 (which Amazon kindly delivered the day before release ) bawled my eyes out when his mum and dad talk to him before he goes to meet Voldemort about always being with him and living in heart. I was 30 weeks pregnant with Erin when we saw it in the cinema.

Cheese - remembering Scarlett. Such a glorious name!

And here's to wonderful Mums - all of us, and all of ours. And the courage and love they teach us.

My mother flies home tomorrow, after 6 weeks of wonderful support and care. She needs to be home now. She has been so brave for us, and but admits she needs to go back to 'have a big bawl' and to be there for my father, who has found that he dissolves into tears from the kind words and gestures of a small country town community.

Hope I can follow her example once she has gone. I know I need to, but don't anticipate that it will be easy. Well. it is easy to love Mia. Not sure about the courage bit yet.

Morning girls xx

Thinking of you today Cheese and holding you close xxx

Morning ladies xx

I am sorry your Mum is ill again fm. It is a nightmare. When my Mum was 84 she had a leaking abdominal aortic aneurysm. It took 2 days for the doctors to realise what was wrong, they thought it was a bug!! Before she was taken for surgery we all said our goodbyes because we had been told her chances of survival were very low. She told us all to look after eachother. She survived and lived for another 4 years. It took a toll on her of course and she could no longer live alone as her eyesight was so bad. She went into a home but she was ok most of the time. These ladies who have lived through a war and endured so much hardship in their lives are amazing. xx

I will be thinking of you today cheese. I will light my candle for all our precious children as I do every weekend. Hope your MIL is a bit better now.

Please give your Mum a hug from me Shabs your stories remind me so much of my mum who was a Yorkshire lass, I know from the wrong side of the Pennines but a strong northern lady to the end. I am 60 but I still miss and need my Mum who would not have left my side until she knew it would be ok xx

Morning all. Remembering Scarlett Niamh today, I cannot believe it's been a year. Miss her and love her so much, now and always. Thank you for the candles being lit, we'll be lighting some ourselves later on. xxx

Remembering the lovely Scarlett, Cheese

Mias my Mum stayed for 2 months altogether between Sylvie-Rose being born too early and then dying. I really missed her but it did make me get on with things a bit more. She is coming up tonight for the weekend.

A lovely bright red candle burning brightly here for Scarlett. Hope the day is passing as peacefully as possible for you Cheese xx

A candle is lit here for Scarlett , I hope the day is passing as peacefully as possible for you today .

It is 10 years today since Harry died , how the buggery did that happen ?

Has been a really shite day , I am worried about my throat (weird lumpy swallowing thing and feeling like it's swollen) gp actually sat in front of me on monday looking at tick lists wondering if I qualified for the two week turnaround shit we think you have cancer thing . Then decided I didn't quite meet the criteria . So on top of Harrys anniversary I have been freaking out about the possibility of having cancer . Spoke to my usual dr today and she is lovely and has organised the tests to be done within the two weeks as I am such a mess .

But most of all I just miss my boy , I need vodka .

lots of love to cheese and tw today xx

things plodding along here. I managed to find a company online that does personalised designs in stamps so have ordered the sleeping angel that is on Belle's headstone as our inclusion of her in our christmas cards.

As an aside I was nominated this year to receive a mumsnet secret santa gift. It has arrived but I haven't opened it yet... not sure what the protocol is? are we supposed to open it christmas day? anyone know of a thread anywhere for thank you's etc? I can't seem to find anything.

for Caz

That is lovely Caz , I think you can open it whenever you like , nobody seems to mind , and I am now nosey so it should be soon

CazLink to secret santa thank thread here Would you mind sharing the link for the site you got your stamp from?

Big hugs TW I can't imagine living with this pain for 10 years. I bet some days it still feels like yesterday. Candle lit here for Harry xx