'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

cheese I have probably not mentioned Harry to strangers and mothers at the school gates more than I have . I just can't bring myself to say it out loud to people I don't know well , then I have the problem when I get to know people better that there never seems a right time to ruin their day so I always feel that they only know half of me .

Morning ladies.
I can't sleep! We are having Jacob's ashes interred today and a little gravestone put up for him. I am glad to finally have him in his spot but it was so hard to see the stone when I went to check it on monday.
I was asked at the gym the other day if I had children. I hesitated a bit, couldn't say no but didn't want to upset anyone! Eventually said 'yes,but he died'. Poor woman looked totally shocked but was then very sympathetic and asked about him. I think it's impossible to say 'no' but then really hard to say 'yes' because you then have to explain it and that makes it real. I sometimes still can't believe it myself, it's like I was dreaming I was pregnant.

Charlie Who went to sleep 22nd Nov 03 - Cot Death
I know ur there on my shoulder son
love and miss you
xxx

Why do we feel the need to reassure and comfort folk when we mention we've lost a child and why do we comfort others when they realise we've been there?

Morning girls xx

Welcome to our thread Lemsi...sorry you had to be here, but glad that you found us. xx

Tallulah - will be thinking about you today xxx

Morning folks.

Well, more news has emerged about the little lad who killed himself. It seems he was being very badly bullied in school, and just couldn't face going back there again. That poor poor child.

There's a piece in the Lancashire Telegraph, Shabbs, dunno if you've seen it.

Ooh Dee I hate bullying. It's my biggest fear about K going to school. That poor lad. I hope the bullies understand the magnitude of what they have done and it changes them forever.

Just a thought on 'how to answer questions': I tend to say, 'well this one's number 4' when I have youngest DS with me. If nosy people anyone asks about ages I then say that my eldest is 18 & they're usually too interested in the 'vast' age difference (DS4 is 2) to ask anything about the others :) I know this doesn't help everyone, but I've found it a way of including DS3 without having to reveal too much.

So sorry to hear about the little boy near you, Dee, and mMnshape's great aunt.

You and Jacob will be in my thoughts today, Tallulah

Welcome, Lemsip - so sorry to hear about Charlie

Oh Dee - I despise bullies. If I was his Mum I would hunt the little shits down....I would play mind games with them until they knew what it felt like to be bullied. Most of all I would insist with the head teacher that I go in and speak to each class individually....I would name and shame. Oh it makes me so angry - so very angry.

A couple of years back some lads in Toms class told him to prove to them that he wasn't gay! They said he had to touch one of the girls in class in front of everybody. He touched her bum and then they reported him to the teacher. In the end school rang me and said they were worried about him...he had said nothing to me about this incident. The morons at school said to him 'When you're Mum finds out about this you might as well kill yourself.' I sat all night with him talking about how I didn't care about his sexuality, I didn't care that he had touched a girls bum...we talked into the night for many hours. I did go up to school and I waited outside every night for these lads. I never spoke a word to them...I just watched them until I couldn't see them anymore. Weirdly enough it stopped!!

My heart aches for the family. Poor, poor lad. I hope he has, by now, met my Gareth and Matt - I know that wherever they all are my sons will protect him xxx

Somebody on my FB posted this a while ago

Please read. A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stomp on it and really mess it up, but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty it was. She then told them to tell it they?re sorry. Now even though they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bullies another child, they may say they?re sorry but the scars are there forever.
The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home.

The poor, poor child.

Hi everyone, well baby group was ok,, I quite enjoyed it and ds3 had a realy good time, he loves to see other baby's.

The only difficult bit was answering the induction questions , as there must be one asking if your pregnant. She said your not pregnant yet are you so I just answered no, whilst thinking I should be

I'm going to try baby massage tomorrow, ds is abit older than they usually take them but he's not crawling yet so were going to give it a go

blue what a poignant way of teaching. Hope someone passes it on to that boy's school, and others too. dee streaming love thoughts to the family via you.

tallulah thinking of you and Jacob today.

lemsip welcome from me too. Very, very sorry you are here. I have found the ladies here to be wonderful in dispensing advice and humour, empathy and understanding.

shabba and whatever I did peek at your photos of Matthew, Gareth and Erin - thank you. I am sure that they are all being mischievous together!

everlong just thank you.

moomins, helyantha, cheese Shabba whatever and wilbury What is it with questions about children?? I tell myself it is natural and polite to enquire, and I am admiring how you all find tactful ways to address them, and take into account the feelings of others. Don't think I have sufficient self control to reach that point yet. Shall keep your examples in mind though.

tallulah I hope today passed as peacefully as it could , you and Jacob have been in my thoughts today .

How is everyone doing today ?

I hate this time of year , tomorrow is the dreaded first day of the advent calendar , it took me about 6 years to throw away the one Harry had , he only got to have one of the chocolates .

Time is a funny old thing isn't it everlong The dates shouldn't really matter because it doesn't change anything but there is something about the smell and the feel of a time of year that can just take you right back .

Nice to see you too , I have been a bit rubbish lately about keeping up with everyone but I do think of you all x

Ah thanks Everlong xxx

Well, went to see SIL's baby girl and it was ........fine! I held the baby, gave SIL bfing advice and although Sylvie-Rose was on my mind, it was more a slight sadness that SIL's dd was losing out by not having a cousin her own age, she has no cousins at all on her Dad's side and on ours, my ds4 and dh's other dn are both 3 and play together very well but are the youngest cousins this little girl has. Of course SIL will probably have more babies herself but it would have been so perfect if Sylvie-Rose had lived.

I was just thinking today that I am quite disappointed in my own sister. She has phoned me once since Sylvie-Rose died and that's almost two months ago now. And when she did phone me, she wasn't really much help. Not that anyone can say anything to help exactly but when I said that I thought Sylvie-Rose was in spirit, she said something like "Yeah, some people believe that" Now when my Dad died I seem to remember both of us thinking that we could feel our Dad around and took comfort from that so why has she changed her mind now that my dd has died? It seems that she is an atheist so long as she's OK, IYKWIM! My brother came to the hospital the day Sylvie-Rose died and to her funeral but hasn't phoned me since either. In fact the best person for keeping in touch has been my other sister who has special needs ( probably autistic but not diagnosed)

I have decided that SIL ( BIL's wife) is my replacement sister because she has been phoning and texting almost daily.

Morning girls xx

morning girlsxx

Morning Hazy.

Thinking about all of your family today on your precious grandsons 'remember day' I will be lighting my candle to remember him and to show my love. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to lose a grandchild and how you cope with your own grief and that of your own childs. Take care my dear friend. Much love xxxxxx

Morning, hazy and shabs! Will also light a candle for your dgs, hazy.