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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

my beloved hubby died 2 weeks ago today - suicide :(

721 replies

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/04/2011 14:03

tbh i dont know what to say - i never expected to post a thread in this section of mn :(

I didnt expect to be a widow at 37 :(

he was severely depressed, and although had some very good days, he also had very bad days and for whatever reason he felt he couldnt carry on and took his own life on Saturday 16th april :(

i know its early days, but i cry every day, silly things set me off, like yesterday changing the duvet cover - it was hubbys's job to do that and i had to do it for the first time

its got to get easier hasnt it? :(

OP posts:

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whomovedmychocolate · 30/04/2011 19:42

Goodness how awful Blondes :(

I'm very sorry for your loss. We're the same age, I can't imagine what you are going through.

I hope all the administrative bollocks is eased as much as possible and you can start to get things sorted soon. It seems so unfair that you are left in limbo for so long before the funeral and inquest. :(

I don't know what to say other than take it easy on yourself, you must be absolutely stunned. :(

sybilfaulty · 30/04/2011 19:47

Dear Blondes

I am so sorry to read this. We have struggled with depression many times in my family and i know what a terrible illness it can be.

I too have given evidence at an inquest. I was only 20 at the time and very frightened. The court staff were lovely and the coroner was kindness itself. Do be aware though that it is standard practice for an inquest to be opened and then adjourned, so you may not in fact have to give evidence quite yet. There is normally a Coroner's officer who deals with witnesses who will be able to give you more guidance about when you might be called and the procedure.

Thinking of you. Take care.

5inthebed · 30/04/2011 19:52

I am so sorry for your loss Blondes. x

CarGirl · 30/04/2011 19:56

Blondes I recgonise you from the nanny threads, I am so sorry to read of your loss. It's such early days I wish you peace as you come to terms with a very different life.

everlong · 30/04/2011 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prettybird · 30/04/2011 20:47

My heart goes out to you Blondes.

A friend of ours committed suicide a few years ago. His wife was also a friend and they had two lovely young boys. Like your dh, he had been struggling for years with the black dog of depression: as friends who only saw him intermittently, we would never have known as he was an extremely charming, apparently happy man, good looking, intelligent.

We missed the funeral because I was going through my 2nd MMC and had to go for a scan :( (his wife was lovely - she was more concerned about me than about the fact that I was missing the funeral) but I was told that his wife talked very movingly about what a wonderful man he was and that what had killed him was a dreaful illness that engulfed him. She told people to remember the man, not the illness - because that was what she was going to do.

You'll know you are moving on when, instead of being in floods of tears at having to change the duvet, you can be angry at him for not being there to do it. But it will take time.

Look after yourself - and let others look after you too.

SwearyMary · 30/04/2011 20:47

I'm so sorry for your loss Blondes.

Sending you love and the strength you need for however long it takes. You seem like such a lovely person and I'm certain your DH is out of pain now.

Sweary x x

sb6699 · 30/04/2011 21:04

So sorry for your loss. I wish there was something I could say to take away your pain.

My DH lost his father to suicide and it now brings him some comfort to know that he is no longer suffering the way he did when he was with us.

I know it may be premature, but could I suggest you get some professional counselling - it really will help.

Sending you much love and strength xx

TrinityRhino · 30/04/2011 21:08

blondes, I lost dh aug 2009
car crash
instant death

I'm just about getting together now

Plonkerr · 30/04/2011 21:10

I'm so sorry for your loss Blondes

Much love and strength to you and your family xx

TimeForMeIsFree · 30/04/2011 22:00

You don't know me Blondes but I am one of many people who enjoy reading your posts. I just want to say how sorry I am. I too am sending you much love and strength xx

ClaireDeLoon · 30/04/2011 22:18

Blondes my lovely I am so very sorry, I have been thinking of you so much since I heard your news (and selfishly missing you too). I haven't got anything else to say other that I'm sending you my love and support.

PeachyAndTheArghoNauts · 30/04/2011 22:27

Blondes- truthfully? every day, every phone call when he is out I wonder if it's bad news, if he is late home by more than thirty minutes I panic and call around relatives. As he has sudden - what would you call them I wonder, he seems OK then it hits him hard- episodes?- I watch to check he comes back from taking the bins in, if things are tough from the front door. We are waiting to find out of we have a third autistic child, so I am watching like a hawk though thankfully he was already medicated when the issues dropped (danger time for him being between obvious illness and meds working).

But I have him here, and it is a testament to you remarkability that you even asked to be frank. You are amazing, woman.

BerryLellow · 30/04/2011 22:42

So sorry for your loss, what an awful thing to have happened.

Buda · 30/04/2011 22:53

Blondes - I am so sorry.

kuckingfunt · 30/04/2011 22:58

Blondes I am so sorry for your loss.

You sound an amazing woman dealing with all this when you must be falling apart in side.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

CommonerTrulyReigns · 30/04/2011 23:00

Oh Blondes, I'm so sorry to hear this - please please look after yourself.

I hope you can find strength to help the next couple of weeks be bearable.

Take help and support where you can.

CommonerTrulyReigns · 30/04/2011 23:01

And remember there's always someone around on here who will listen to you.

Valpollicella · 30/04/2011 23:05

Oh Blondes

I have no words. I wish you much strength. I am so, so sorry this has happened xx

BoysAreLikeDogs · 30/04/2011 23:42

I am so sorry

bibbitybobbityhat · 30/04/2011 23:45

Oh blondes - how absolutely agonizing for you. Please be extra gentle on yourself: something terrible and shocking has happened. You must deal with it however you see fit. Thinking of you and your beloved dh. B xx

GRW · 01/05/2011 08:12

I am so sorry for your loss, and the pain that you are going through. I lost my sister to suicide 12 years ago, and found good support from a group called Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide ( www.uk-sobs.org.uk)
I had to attend an inquest too, and actually found it helpful to clarify in my mind what had happened. Suicide is so hard because there will always be unanswered questions, as the only person who can answer them is no longer here. Be aware that the local press will be there, and it's likely to be reported in the local paper.
Thinking of you x

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/05/2011 09:10

social and lostlady im not relieved as such, but im glad in a weird way as i know how unhappy he was iyswim - obv i would prefer my dh to be alive but now he is at peace

and well done for doing the bed

silver thx i will do if i need to

laughalot yes had a bad year but honestly though things were on the up, i was wrong :(

pretty thats the one, the black dog of depression, a good book

trinty omg, your dh has been dead nearly 2yrs :( so it gets easier eventually?

peachy you have it harder then me, and everyone day you will wonder if today will be the day :(

grw yep ive been told the inquest is public knowledge and anyone can attend and that it will be in the paper that week

I have fantastic friends who have been 'babysitting' me 24/7 since it happened but the for the last week i have had time alone during the day as i need it - tbh felt very claustrophobic with them all here, but i need someone at night - friends either stay with me or i go to them, but i know one day im gonna HAVE to stay alone at night

OP posts:

RatherBeOnThePiste · 01/05/2011 09:32

Don't feel you have to rush anything Blondes. I'm glad you have such strong mates around you. Love the idea of them flashing you, they all sound like loons- amazingly lovely loons PM me your mobile number and I'll flash you.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/05/2011 10:07

number sent

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