my beloved hubby died 2 weeks ago today - suicide :(

[Blondeshavemorefun]

tbh i dont know what to say - i never expected to post a thread in this section of mn :(

I didnt expect to be a widow at 37 :(

he was severely depressed, and although had some very good days, he also had very bad days and for whatever reason he felt he couldnt carry on and took his own life on Saturday 16th april :(

i know its early days, but i cry every day, silly things set me off, like yesterday changing the duvet cover - it was hubbys's job to do that and i had to do it for the first time

its got to get easier hasnt it? :(

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

< Really regretting it now >

[FoofffyShmoofffer]

So sorry

[MarzipanNutPie]

Very sorry for your sudden loss Blondes

[Ormirian]

Oh blondes, I am so sorry

[Blondeshavemorefun]

piste thanks for the flash :)

It's the nights I find hard :(

I'm awake tho knackered - fell asleep maybe 1,30/2am and awake by 4 am

Thank the lord for fb and my friends abroad who are awake now

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

Lovely Blondes,  it has been such a short time, it must all feel so raw and your much disrupted sleeping patterns are all part of the grieving process. Night times are always difficult because they are quiet and still yet your mind is full and too busy.  Be gentle with yourself B, and take strength from the fact you are surrounded by people who love you.  

Glad you liked my flash. There will be another one later. X 

[onlyjoking9329]

So sorry to hear that your husband died. Each hour there will be some reminder that it really has happened. Things change and very slowly and will become your new "normal".
I'm not sure that things are ever the same again but with time and support some of the pain becomes more manageable.
I'm glad you have people with you and yes it will be difficult the first time you do anything that your DH usually did. Be kind to yourself and talk as much as you can. I'm a member of WAY (widowed and young) I joined almost three years ago, my DH had terminal cancer and got very depressed and became actively suicidal and couldn't be left alone. there are many who have been widowed by suicide they also have a range of books you can borrow. Another site I used is "merry widows" both WAY and MW are on Facebook. There are a few of us on MN who are members of one or both groups.
Feel free to PM me if you think it might help.
Take care and know that things WILL feel different but you will adapt to your new situation.
Me and our three children are in a very different place now than We were three years ago.
I wish you peace and strength.

[GettinTrimmer]

Blondes, glad you are surrounded by friends and fb is useful. Thinking of you xx

[bronze]

I'm so sorry for your loss Blondes.

[TheOriginalFAB]

I have only just seen this, Blondes. I am so so sorry.

[MmeLindt]

So sorry to hear this, Blondes.

Take care of yourself.

[giraffesCantDanceWiOotBuckie]

oh blondes I am so sorry, only just seen this now, have known "of" you, chatted on and off you for about 4yrs on here and on the other place, i remember seeing lovely photos of you and your dh on holiday together. take care xxxxxx

[MilkNoSugarPlease]

Oh blondes :(

Oh lovely, I am so very very sorry, I can't imagine (nor will I pretend to) what you are going through, but, oh I'm so sad for you




We've chatted a biut and I've seen you on the choldminders/nanny page....PLEASE PM me if there is ANYTHING, anything at all I can do

Please look after yourself xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[MilkNoSugarPlease]

Oh blondes :(

Oh lovely, I am so very very sorry, I can't imagine (nor will I pretend to) what you are going through, but, oh I'm so sad for you




We've chatted a biut and I've seen you on the choldminders/nanny page....PLEASE PM me if there is ANYTHING, anything at all I can do

Please look after yourself xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Blondeshavemorefun]

thanks childcare/nanny lot :)

as i said its the little things that set me off

last week a dear friend of dh and i came to cut the grass, as the girls and i tried to do it and had trouble starting the mower, let alone pushing it

i stayed the night at his house last night (as cant/wont sleep alone at the moment) and then came home- a few hours later he popped round and mowed my grass again- and this set me off - that he came round on a bh and did it

[ChippingInLovesEasterEggs]

Blondes - I am so, so sorry x I have only just seen your thread. I am so shocked. I knew your DH suffered from depression, but I didn't realise he was in such a bad place at the moment :(

I was only saying yesterday that I hadn't seen you around in a little while and joked that we needed a new TV series to watch together... I had no idea you were going through this x

It will get better, you will be OK sleeping in your house on your own, you will cope... truely. But for now, take all the help, love & hugs you can get off of family & friends.

We're all here for you... I wish there was something I could do or say to take some of the pain away from you xxx

[MummyDoIt]

Blondes, I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my DH to cancer in August 2008. I wouldn't say it gets easier exactly but you adapt. You cope and you get used to it. A friend of mine summed it up very neatly when she said you have to get used to a new normal. Life is very different now to how it was when DH was alive but it's still a happy life. In the early days, I didn't see how I could ever laugh or smile again but I do. I still miss DH desperately and always will but I've made a happy life for myself and the DCs and I'm sure you will too.

Just make sure you take care of yourself and don't expect too much of yourself. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, just do what you need to do. Some days, I'd throw myself into things and keep myself busy. Other days, I wouldn't leave the house and would spend all day crying.

I really felt for you when you talked about changing the bed for the first time. I never used to lock the front door at night. That was DH's job. It took me a long time to be able to do that without feeling sad. You'll get there.

PM me if I can help in any way.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

im sorry for all of you who lost a dh to cancer/illness :( - i am assuming that they died in a hospice rather than at home

if they did die at home, did you move?

for those who dh comitted suicide at home - did you move?

[MummyDoIt]

DH died at home, not in a hospice. I never thought of moving house because this is where I feel close to him, this was his home, and it's where I remember him best. In fact, his ashes are in the garden. Some people might think that's weird but, to me, it was just bringing him home and I feel that's he's close to us. It gives me a lot of comfort.

[bellavita]

I am so sorry

[Blondeshavemorefun]

mummydoit thats lovely that ashes are buried in the garden - hope you never move

as your dh was ill, it prob is nicer to stay in your house of happy memories

many friends of mine think im strange/weird to stay in the house where dh killed his self

they thought i was INSANE to stay there the night of the day it happened

but if i went to stay at my friends/mums, then i never would have gone back iyswim

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

Blondes you are so brave.

I'm sending hugs for you.

Please be kind to yourself.

[giraffesCantDanceWiOotBuckie]

i understand what you mean.
how have your bosses been?x

[Hulababy]

I am so sorry for your loss/

[GettinTrimmer]

Is anyone staying with you atm Blondes? You sound like you're surrounded by lovely people.