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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 28 29

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

my beloved hubby died 2 weeks ago today - suicide :(

721 replies

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/04/2011 14:03

tbh i dont know what to say - i never expected to post a thread in this section of mn :(

I didnt expect to be a widow at 37 :(

he was severely depressed, and although had some very good days, he also had very bad days and for whatever reason he felt he couldnt carry on and took his own life on Saturday 16th april :(

i know its early days, but i cry every day, silly things set me off, like yesterday changing the duvet cover - it was hubbys's job to do that and i had to do it for the first time

its got to get easier hasnt it? :(

OP posts:

Report

PlumBumMum · 30/04/2011 15:49

Oh Blondes I never expected to know the poster when I read the thread title

I haven't been on mn much lately so glad (wrong word) I caught this iykwim

Blondes I can't even begin to understand anything you are going through but I do hope you get through the coming days/weeks & months with plenty of support around you and know everytime I watch EE I will send up a wee prayer for you & your dh

a squeeze you tight hug from me

RockinSockBunnies · 30/04/2011 15:51

Very, very sorry for your loss.

EggyAllenPoe · 30/04/2011 15:55

sorry for your loss.

be very gentle with yourself - if you are getting anything at all done that's pretty amazing.

HRHUrsulaBuffay · 30/04/2011 15:59

Just wanted to add my condolences and support Blondes x

Adair · 30/04/2011 16:04

Agree with EAP. Do what you feel like doing and don't beat yourself up about not doing anything else. He sounds like he really was your soulmate, have great picture of you as 'chalk and cheese'- especially given your mn nickname. I hope too that he is happy and resolved.

Best wishes, and don't forget to ask (here, friends, family) if you need anything x

teenyweenytadpole · 30/04/2011 16:07

Just wanted to add my own message of condolence. Depression is a terrible thing. I am glad you are getting support from friends. Be kind to yourself in the coming weeks and months. Thinking of you and wishing you strength XX

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 30/04/2011 16:15

So sorry Blondes x

Secretwishescometrue · 30/04/2011 16:33

my deepest condolences Blondes. My heart hurts for you, 20 years is a life time and i hope in time the bad/sad memories will fade and all the beautiful happy times ye shared will hold tight to you x

MollieO · 30/04/2011 16:57

So sorry to read your post. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. I have, however, given evidence at an inquest. Everyone from the court ushers to the coroner were kind and supportive and made the process as easy as it could be. Be kind to yourself and take the help of friends who offer.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/04/2011 16:57

thanks piste boffy and plum as you 'know' me and thank you everyone else

peachy that must have been hard rescuing dh - are you worried he would try again?

OP posts:

BoffinMum · 30/04/2011 17:25

Can I send you a silly email with daft pictures, like you send me, would that momentarily cause the tiniest of smiles to cross your lips?

BeakerTheMuppetMuppet · 30/04/2011 17:32

I'm so sad for your loss blondes, and am sure your DH is in a better place now.

sending you some very unMN but very Beaker-like hugs and love

x

suzikettles · 30/04/2011 17:32

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

Suicide has hit my family twice and I know it can be devastating for those left behind.

I'm glad you know there's nothing you could have done to prevent it. Depression is such a bastard disease and unfortunately some times it is fatal. Your dh is at peace now.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/04/2011 17:37

boffy course you can

infact if you wanted to,you could 'flash' me

all my rw friends flash me if im crying - and have sent me pics of their boobs (in bras thankfully ) via text

have to say it works

OP posts:

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 30/04/2011 17:43

Oh Blondes how awful for you. You sound like you are coping very well. As others have said be gentle on yourself and don't be afraid of asking for help - here or in RL.

xx

bigTillyMint · 30/04/2011 17:44

Oh Blondes, how terrible for you and your family

socialhandgrenade · 30/04/2011 17:52

We haven't met before, but I am so sad for you.

My dad had depression for two years and took his life in May 98

I also felt relieved for him that he was no longer suffering, and we chose to put 'at peace now' on his gravestone with a broken
daffodil to symbolise life cut short.

I know it doesn't bring them back but doing things like that, choosing what he would be buried in, were ways I felt I was still helping.

Again so sorry for your loss. I hope your family and his are supporting you.

lostlady · 30/04/2011 18:57

Must be horrible, all these first time things. Am slattern, but have now done bed and not moaned. So even in your darkest hour you have helped me!

My sister did the same as your dh, agree at least at peace.

SecretNutellaFix · 30/04/2011 19:02

Blonde- I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you peace.x

madworld2 · 30/04/2011 19:07

So sorry for you loss. I know about the problems with inquests as my mum's recent death is subject to an inquest. Hopefully you will find some organisations will accept an interim certificate. Certainly I have found that to be the case. It is so horrible havimg to deal with all the admin stuff whilst you are grieving. I know how tough it is but take all the help you can.

silverfrog · 30/04/2011 19:10

BLondes - I am so sorry for your loss.

If there is anyhting you need, please do ask - from chatting before when I was haivng nanny issues, you mentioned you were not too far away form me in RL - so please do ask.

aStarInStrangeways · 30/04/2011 19:17

I'm so sorry Blondes, what a hideous hideous shock this must be for you :( Grieve in whatever way you need to and don't be afraid of taking help from those who offer it.

Re. the inquest, my dad found my mum midway through her suicide and had to give evidence at her inquest. He also spent the night of her death in the cells, as the police had to take him in for questioning - it was process due to her death being unexpected/unexplained and him being at the scene (she had phoned him beforehand). He said they were very kind to him and he recognised that it was necessary to ensure that nothing sinister had gone on. Same with the inquest; it was awful but necessary and I think he found everyone involved quite gentle.

In the future, if you feel you might want to read around the specifics of suicide bereavement, I can really recommend this book. I read it last year (20 years after my mum's death) and it helped so much to untangle some of the complex feelings that have affected me for so long.

Be kind to yourself x

FreudianSlipOnACrown · 30/04/2011 19:20

I'm so sorry for your loss Blondes :(

He's at peace now and watching over you xxx

aleene · 30/04/2011 19:35

I am so sorry. Wishing you strength.

laughalot · 30/04/2011 19:37

Blondes I am happy you have posted on here not only for support but also because I dident know how to ask you on our thread what had happened. I am so very sorry I know its been a difficult few years. It must be very difficult to get your head round and I hope you have alot of rl support it sounds like you do. Glad Mr blondes is finally at peace just so very very sorry for you xxxxx

Flip

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