my beloved hubby died 2 weeks ago today - suicide :(

[Blondeshavemorefun]

tbh i dont know what to say - i never expected to post a thread in this section of mn :(

I didnt expect to be a widow at 37 :(

he was severely depressed, and although had some very good days, he also had very bad days and for whatever reason he felt he couldnt carry on and took his own life on Saturday 16th april :(

i know its early days, but i cry every day, silly things set me off, like yesterday changing the duvet cover - it was hubbys's job to do that and i had to do it for the first time

its got to get easier hasnt it? :(

[BoffinMum]

Blondes I am on sick leave at the moment and would be more than happy to do your ringing around for you if that is at all appropriate. Just shout if you need me.

[amberleaf]

Really sorry for your loss Blondes x

[Blondeshavemorefun]

zeno - i have the interim death certificate but they need the proper one

funeral on thur 12 may

inquest on mon 16 may

because of bank hols everything gets delayed :(

i have to give evidence at the inquest - of what i found - why make me do that :(

[TrinityRhino]

I'm so so sorry for your loss blondes

you can pn me anytime

[TrinityRhino]

obvously I meant you can PM me anytime

typing through tears

[Blondeshavemorefun]

thank you trinty - if i rem correctly you lost your dh last year

[BoffinMum]

Can you give evidence in writing?

They have to know, it would be awful if someone was done away with and it was covered up because they didn't go through the process properly. They mean well. It shows respect for your hubby, doing it thoroughly.

[LawrieMarlow]

I'm so sorry :(

[ohnoshedittant]

Oh my god blondes I can't believe this has happned to you....I did not expect it to be you when I opened the thread (i know you from the nanny board).

I'm so, so sorry. I'm thinking of you.

Let me know if I can do anything.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

boffy no, i have to attend and if i dont then i will be in contempt of court or something like that :(

everyone round me says i am so strong and coping so well - i dont have a choice, i have to

[MittzyTheMinx]

So stunned and deeply sorry for you Blondes

[NorbertDentressangle]

Blondes -I'm so sorry to hear this.

Please make use of any support you are offered by friends, family and MNers -they can help you through this awful time.

[frakyouveryverymuch]

I know I've said this before but I'm so, so sorry for your loss :( you're being so brave and strong. He would be proud of you.

[colditz]

i'm so sorry, Blondes

[frakyouveryverymuch]

You do have a choice, sweetie, and you're choosing to hold your head high and battle on. You could be curled up in a corner sobbing, and noone would think any less of you if you did, but you're not.

[ilythia]

Oh blondes, I am so sorry for your loss, xx

[Blondeshavemorefun]

thanks everyone - i cant beleive you reply on this thread and some of you dont 'know' me - i dont think ive even looked on this section before

ohnoshe ive been absent from mn/nanny board for a while but thank you

frak i could lay on the floor crying and screaming etc, but that doesnt really help - it doesnt sort out the rw shit i have to deal with and all the hassle with dh dad, let alone the financial stuff like paying my mortgage :(

[indifferent]

I am so sorry for you The grief you are feeling sounds perfectly normal. It would be very odd if you were full of the joys of spring.

Cruse has some good advice on coping in your sort of situation:

//www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk

I think RL volunteers would even come round and see you, if that might help practically or emotionally.

The inquest will be hard but that and the funeral might help you to take the first baby steps towards accepting what has happened, unbelievably hard as that is.

Yes, it will get better over time but you have some mourning to do first. I wish you all the best.

Finally, remember that it was your DH's choice to do what he did (no one else's) and that now he, at least, is not suffering any more.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

indifferent i know, i dont blame myself, i know how unhappy he was at times, though other days/weeks/months he was fine

think the only way im coping at the moment is that i have to think he is up above and happy - not stressed/depressed/sad anymore

when your dh is on the sofa crying his eyes out, as he feels so dark and unhappy - it hurts :(

and i have to think hes happy now or what has happened makes it all not worth it iyswim

my doctor said to contact cruise

[PeachyAndTheArghoNauts]

Oh Blondes I am so very sorry. As many on MN know i;ve almost lost my dh to depression in the past- a random thing 9car stalling) was all that saved him, in that time he called to say sorry but he ahd to and I was able to get the police out.

I wish I had magic words. Having watched Dh fight the evil condition for years I guess at least he is at peace now but that doesn't help you does it? So, in the absence of anything worthwhile, I will just offer hugs and a genuine offer if you need to rant XXXX

[BoffinMum]

I do think Cruise sounds a good idea.
I am sure they will be kind to you at the inquest. They will be used to it.

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

My lovely B, I am so glad you have posted this thread. There is an amazingly strong community here to help support you. You will I am sure gain strength from this.

Yes your DH is away, above, happy and no longer suffering and in pain. You can rest assured of that.

Hugs B tightly. X

[WanderingSheep]

I'm so so sorry .

[MABS]

i am so very sorry

[MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic]

You don't know me, but I've seen you around MN and I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss.