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Bereavement

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Update on Rindercella's DH (No. 2)

845 replies

Portoeufino · 12/04/2011 16:25

The other thread has reached 1000 posts, so I hope no-one minds that I started a new one......Hoping R is home with you now!

OP posts:
lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 25/04/2011 08:13

I'm glad dss is there to help you and you have wonderful family and friends. Your right cancer is a bitch, hate it horrible thing that takes over everything :(

Can't believe it was only last year he went in that's so bad.
How are the girls?
Anything you need just yell. Loads of hugs xx

theladylovescupcakes · 25/04/2011 08:28

I haven't seen all of your threads, but have read a few just now. I'm so sorry for your loss. Wishing you all strength for the days ahead x

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 25/04/2011 08:32

I'm glad you had a good day yesterday amongst the tears. Your lunch sounds lovely!! I wish I still enjoyed cooking/catering... I just hate it these days and will go to great lengths to avoid it!

DSS really does (as someone else said) sound like a chip off of the old block. Does he look much like Richard? I am so pleased he's that little bit older and able to get to yours as and when he pleases x

It really is hard to think it's been a year on Tuesday since the A&E visit. What a roller coaster of a year. In some ways it seems a long time ago, in other ways not long at all...

It doesn't matter how much you think you have prepared yourself for what's to come, it still hits you like a ten tonne truck. The aching loss, the wanting them back, wanting the future you were expecting and should have had... just the 'missing', it's all so bloody horrible. Horrible, lonely & unfair. It's good to crumple into a sobbing mess - you need to let it out x You don't have to be 'strong' or 'coping' or 'together'... ((HUGS))

I hope you have sunshine where you are today and you are able to watch the girls playing in the garden. Eat chocolate & cuddle them loads x

Lots of love
xox

TimeForMeIsFree · 25/04/2011 08:36

You are strong Rinders, giving into your emotions and having a good cry doesn't make you weak, it is essential so you just go with it. You have had so much to cope with since the day Richard walked into A & E, it's been full on and if you didn't cry you would crack up!

Your meal sounds delicious! And your DSS sounds wonderful, I bet it's really comforting to have him around and supporting you.

Thinking of you and sending you lots of love xx

Rindercella · 25/04/2011 09:54

Thumb, yes I think you're right about it being rosacea. Apparently it can really be brought on by emotional stress, so no surprise it is getting worse.

Right, someone asked how DH and I got together....

We both worked for the same company, but never closely together. I always admired him from afar (as you all know, he's a very handsome man). I remember once speaking to him on the phone, thinking what an amazing voice and dashed down to the photo board to match face with voice. What a jaw-droppingly amazing combination!

There was a massive works do in Brighton. I was a svelt size 10, wearing a red velvet dress with feather neckline (gorgeous dress actually), we were on the dancefloor and he said later that I 'appeared out of the mist'. Anyway, we err, got closer that night (always remember our first kiss in the lift). There were red feathers all over the place - lots of colleagues alluded to me getting 'plucked' that night! I didn't see him for a few days until one day I saw him bending over in the kitchen at work and nearly fell over - what an arse! (sorry to be so base). There was a cleaner in there at the time, so I couldn't really do or say what I wanted to. I didn't see him for another couple of weeks, but couldn't stop thinking about him. I knew his marriage had just ended so didn't want to push it. Then I saw him in the office again and I just had to send him an email about how hot he was looking. Heart thumping, I got an immediate reply asking me out.

Somehow we kept our relationship a secret from work for the best part of a year. We truly came out when he'd won a trip to Hawaii for sales performance and invited me a long. A friend who worked for the airline upgraded us as it was my 30th birthday. Richard asked me to move in with him just after 9/11. I'd flown to the States (west coast) for work on 10th September and was stuck there for a few days. That devastation made us realise what was important and how much we loved each other.

We had our ups and downs, but there were mainly ups, rarely arguing. I don't have any regrets about our 12 year relationship. We always treated each other as an equal, with the utmost respect and dignity. Richard was my best friend and I could talk to him about anything. He gave such great advice, always gave me great perspective and allowed me to grow. If I was wrong he would tell me. We did so much together, travelled to so many wonderful places. Treated each other to so many lovely, romantic weekends away. We truly, truly loved each other.

And then of course we got married, on 3rd June 2006 and then had two beautiful children together. I always knew what a great father he was because of DSS and DH's total, unconditional love for him.

I miss him so, so much. I know he will always be with me in spirit, but to lose his physical presence is almost more than I can bear. He gives me strength and I think of him watching me in everything that I do, so that I know I am doing the right thing.

It's my birthday in a week's time and I know that he got his sister to buy a present for me from him. That just sums him up really. He was dying, in so much pain, but could think of getting me a birthday present.

treedelivery · 25/04/2011 10:40

Wow I felt really giddy for you reading about how you met. You are really good at painting pictures with words you know.

So romantic. To bump into this man and for it all to just work. With exciting holidays and life events and personal growth together. And for him to not be gay/married to miss perfect who is also lovely and fab in every way/prone to delusions of grandeur (things that always seemed to happed to me when I came close to meeting such a man Hmm)

What a relief for you that dss is doing ok. He must have great maturity which is a credit to you all and himself. You are an amazing role model for your family and for your children. Such dignity. It will help them so much you know.

thumbbunny · 25/04/2011 10:56

Oh Rinders - I am absolutely in bits for you, just reading that. What a lovely romantic story. How many lovely memories you must have of him in those 12 years together!
He truly was a Prince Charming for you, wasn't he. :)

ajandjjmum · 25/04/2011 11:34

I can only imagine how devastated you must feel, but how wonderful to have 12 years worth of good memories.

Thinking of you and your family. x

TimeForMeIsFree · 25/04/2011 12:20

Another one in bits here after reading that. Life is so cruel sometimes but still so wonderful. You have some lovely memories of Richard to share with your DD's. Smile

And thank you too Rinders for sharing with us x

AitchTwoOh · 25/04/2011 12:33

what a lovely story, rinders, and how utterly divine of him to have made sure you have a birthday present. we'll be holding your hand when you open that up, my love.

SpeedyGonzalez · 25/04/2011 20:26

Wow, Rinders, that is such a wonderful, heart-warming story. And every time you write about him it is so clear how much you utterly adored each other. And that he bought you a birthday present while he was dying! Incredible man. Some men don't even manage that when they're in good health - he puts them all to shame! Grin

I love what you've said in your last two posts about your DSS. he sounds like he's taken after his father.

What an amazing family you have, Rinders.

bellavita · 25/04/2011 20:39

What a lovely lovely story Rinders. I was all caught up in the romance of it Grin

Thinking of you x

copycat · 25/04/2011 21:20

Ah Rinders as I read your story I don't know whether to smile or cry; in fact I am doing both. Thank you for sharing your beautiful romance with Richard. He sounds a very special man indeed and a part of him lives on in his wonderful DS and gorgeous DDs and in your treasured memories. I'm so sorry for your loss.

xx

riojaguzzler · 25/04/2011 21:31

Rinders, what a romantic and heart warming story Smile. It's like something from a film!! And the trip to Hawaii- wow!!!

It's so clear from the way that you write about Richard just how much you love him and the fact that he organised a birthday present for you shows that he felt the same. I'm just so sad for you that it was all too short.

Take comfort in all those lovely memories.

Hugs x

corblimeymadam · 25/04/2011 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ViolaTricolor · 25/04/2011 22:57

What a lovely story, I've gone all melty.

evitas · 26/04/2011 11:04

Oh Rinders how romantic! :)

I hope you've managed to rest a little bit after that super family meal.
x

trulymadlydeeply · 26/04/2011 18:31

Thanks for telling us your backstory, Rinders. Richard lives on in your love, and in your posts, and through your DC and DSS.

Thank you for sharing it with us.

You truly were blessed to have found each other.

Take care.

XXX

Buda · 26/04/2011 22:14

Finders what an amazing love you have had with your beautiful Richard. It is so horribly unfair.

Your Easter sunday lunch sounded lovely too. You are so strong to be able to do it.

Thinking of you lots this week.

HRHUrsulaBuffay · 26/04/2011 22:25

I think you make me believe in love

[csmile]

ReindeerBollocks · 26/04/2011 22:53

What a lovely story - when you have time/strength could you detail your wedding? If you want to, that is. I'm sure you were a gorgeous, well matched couple.

Your DSS sounds very lovely, and protective of you all. He is a credit to his father and a wonderful brother for your little DDs.

I hope you are looking after yourself too at the moment x

kuckingfunt · 27/04/2011 11:46

What a lovely story - you and Richard were very much in love and I am glad you were able to share such wonderful times together.

Your DSS sounds like a lovely young man - he will take care of you and and your dc's. From what I read about him, I can see that there is a lot of Richard's traits in him. You must be so proud.

Take care of yourself in what must be a very difficult week for you.

Flisspaps · 27/04/2011 13:00

What a fantastic post Rinders. It's really made me smile. So much love there :)

Listmaker · 27/04/2011 14:15

Someone I work with lost his wife very suddenly last year - massive heart attack and she was only 36. He has found a lot of help through a couple of websites. You may already know about them and may not be ready for such things yet but thought I'd pass them on anyway - just in case.....

Here's what he said.......

There's Merrywidow.org.uk ? not for young widows ? for all, but mainly younger ones there ? a public site.

wayfoundation.org/ for younger (under 50s) widow(er)s ? a good organisation to join as they do local meals / social gatherings and things ? members only with a small annual fee.

He also said it really helped him to talk to people going through the same thing.

Thinking of you and your family....

SunCream32 · 27/04/2011 19:48

Hi Rindercella, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and your family and hope Richard's funeral tomorrow goes as well as it can do. Hope you feel truly fabulous in your new dress and can feel your husband's love upon you as you wear it just for him xx