Update on Rindercella's DH (No. 2)

[Portoeufino]

The other thread has reached 1000 posts, so I hope no-one minds that I started a new one......Hoping R is home with you now!

Much love to you all.
Sounds like you have been very busy and sorted lots of stuff out, great that Richard made you a special place to read etc in, I have a book here that I'll be sending you this week.
I'm sorry that you've had battles with the Cc but glad you got a good result with the donation but I'm sorry you had to go throu what you did.
I made a complaint about our bank for there crapness and don't get me started on tax credits who were happy to take steve off the tax credits but only with his permission and signature. I was told that each bank should have a worker that is trained in handling people that have been bereaved and banking stuff.
Beware of sales reps that phone up saying that they had spoken to your husband only last week, in the widow community it is sadly common and personally, I enjoyed making them squirm and realise that it was not a good sales pitch.
I think of you often and I think you are doing very well, be kind to yourself always.

Thank you for all your lovely messages. OJ, thanks for the tip off re the widow-hunters. How bloody low can some people get?

Can't believe it is nearly a week since I last posted (God, I sound like I am in confessional or the AA or something!). Time is just going so quickly. Too quickly. Soon it will be our 5th wedding anniversary. I am dreading it. It was without doubt the best day of my life - having my two babies certainly stood out as wonderful, but rather painful too. Our wedding day was fantastic from beginning to end. Richard always said there was no such thing as perfect - our wedding day disproved that. I know someone asked further up the thread for me to describe it, so I will

We got married in Stratford-upon-Avon at the beginning of June '06. We used a lovely hotel just outside Stratford as our base and then from there we went to the registry office to get married. I was in a car with my dad, Richard went separately with his best man and all our guests - for this part of the day just immediate family and a handful of very close friends - travelled in an old Charabanc bus (in fact, this is likely to be the very one!!).

It was a hot, hot day. The previous few weeks had been awful, just horrible, wet weather, but the sun made an appearance the day before and on our wedding day it was bright sunshine and about 27 degrees. We had a very simple exchange of vows in the registry office, just R's sister sang. Then we all boarded the bus, fought our way through Stratford on a Saturday lunchtime (think lots & lots of tourists took photos) and travelled to the river where we then boarded a boat. We had a lovely trip down river for a couple of hours. Lots of champagne, Pimms and canapes. R had organised the music and it was just fantastic (lots of Sinatra and Sam Cook, leading to funkier stuff like St Germain as we got closer to our venue). Richard loved music. It was part of him.

We arrived at a great pub on the banks of the Avon, met the rest of our guests and just had the best party ever. There was a magician and a caricaturist and a great, chilled jazzy-bluesy band. There was champagne and canapes and then we had a really, really good wedding breakfast. You all know I like my food...well, this was planned down to a T and all seasonal, local produce cooked perfectly. We then surprised all of our guests when we went to cut the cake with a Brazilian Samba Band playing and dancing us in! I have to say, looking back at the photos, some of the costumes were very risqué, but everyone especially the men seemed to love it.

So we carried on partying until a car took R & me down to Gatwick at about 11pm. We went to St Lucia for our honeymoon.

I loved our wedding. It was fun. Everyone had a great time. There was no side or any of those nasty little vendetta things that happen at some weddings. It was just lovely and relaxed and a great big party! Oh, the DJ was pretty crap (so maybe R was right about the perfect thing). We had a Bob Marley ft Lauren Hill track for our first dance - Turn your lights down low.

So, in just over 2 weeks I am going to have to face our first anniversary on my own. Think it's going to be a tough one.

I'm still forging ahead with stuff. Trying to get 2 or 3 things done each day.

The girls are doing just great. They're happy and full of fun. We say 1...2...3...Good morning daddy each morning and then do the same when we say goodnight to him at bedtime. During the day we probably say hello to him once or twice

HI Rinders. Your wedding day sounds fantastic. Really lovely.

I am sure that the first anniversary without Richard will be so so hard.

It's a bloody hard and shitty road really isn't it?

Your wedding day sounds lovely.

Life is so unfair at times .

What a lovely day What a cool couple!

My sister is planning on being out of the country for their anniversary later this year. It will be their first anniversary and her dh isn't going to be there with her and we all knew that at the wedding. It is indeed a bloody cruel world sometimes.

A lovely lovely story. I love Stratford; what a great place to get married.

Thinking of you Rinders. Keep the memories coming ...

Lots of love. xxx

what a lovely wedding day you had :)

i am just so sorry that you wont be celebrating your 1st wedding anniversary with richard :(

but remember he will always be with you xx

That sounds like a pretty perfect day to me Rindercella? How did you meet Richard?

He (and you) sounds awesome.

< I haven't posted on here before but I have been following and wishing you well- hope you don't mind the intrusion.

Thank you everyone. It was such a great day, I have such happy memories of it. I remember someone gave me a fantastic piece of advice - to enjoy every second, not think, oh I will start to have fun once I have my dress on, or once I get to the registry office, or once the speeches are over, whatever. Just enjoy every moment. And I did - we both did.

NL, so sorry for your sister. Their wedding day must have been so bittersweet, knowing that they were going to be married for just a short time.

Blondes, this year will be our 5th anniversary (don't think it's any worse or better than a 1st anniversary - it will still be incredibly hard).

Had another nice email from the CC co MD today. He would - at some point - like me to come in and give a talk to some of the employees. This will obviously be at a time to suit me. He is taking what happened incredibly seriously. The horror and regret in his emails in tangible. I will do that, in time. It is something I hope to be able to do across the FS sector. DH will give me the strength to do it, I know. In my back pocket I have someone incredibly influential in central government. I will use him if I need to (even if just in the background/for advice).

Missing Richard like crazy. I keep having little snippets of us together in various places...Cornwall or Wales or France or wherever we went on holiday (at the moment it is just holiday memories I am having, I don't know why). They are times I cherish and God, do I miss him. He was strong, and handsome and funny and sexy and charming and kind and generous.

My Mum has just gone home from her surprise visit here (it was her b'day on Saturday so I drove down, we all took her out to lunch - it was wonderful - and then I kidnapped her and brought her back up here). My MIL is coming later on in the week and then SIL and DSS at the weekend - a houseful again, which will be nice. I am using the opportunity of MIL being here to go out and get trollied with some friends on Friday night

Your wedding sounds lovely and how fab that the sun came out for you all.
It's very sad that you didn't get long enough, but eternity would have been preferable.
Holiday memories are great aren't they, time when things were ok, before you all knew what was going to happen. I love looking at old holiday photos but I still can't watch any of the DVDs from where he was fit an well and handsome too, the girls love to watch them, do your girls enjoy looking at photos? I guess DD2 may be too young, the girls have a digital photo frame with photos of their dad and us all together on it, would your girls like something like that?
Nice you got a surprise visitor and more at the weekend too.
Take care.

go forth and enjoy friday night - friends are what get us through everything xx

Blondes, I definitely intend having a bottle glass or two on Friday

OJ, both the girls love looking at photos. Jasmine, who is only 13 months old points Richard out when I ask her where Daddy is. There could be 10 men in the photo and she immediately points to him. I think that's wonderful

Jasmine had her first morning with a childminder today. She seemed to love it! It was meant to give me a morning free to do stuff. Instead I gassed with my new next door neighbour for a good couple of hours! It was lovely actually, and I like her very much, so that's good. And the CM is brilliant too. Jas was so settled there - really happy. I think she had much more fun than she would have done had she been at home with me. She has now crashed out - think she's knackered!

So much paperwork to sort out still. I try and do 2 or 3 things a day but sometimes it's hard. Making yet another phone call to inform someone of the death of my husband, or sending yet another letter, complete with death certificate off to someone else. DH's ex called me the other day. She had to be nice to me to ask me to send her a death certificate. She also asked for details of the pension R signed over to her as part of the divorce settlement. Why she doesn't have the details God only knows, but I found it, copied it and have posted it all to her.

I have decided to get an au pair to start towards the end of the summer holidays. So long as I find the right person, it'd be really nice to have someone else living in the house and it will give me the flexibility to do some stuff (like go to the gym) that I do not really have at the moment. The CM arrangement is only temporary until I get a suitable au pair sorted out. A specific girl's name has been recommended to me twice. Will have to do some investigations. Another thing to start soon I think.

Once again, I would like to thank all of you who have given me such support and advice over the last year or so - particularly over the last 6 weeks. We're doing ok, but it is tough and I feel so sad that Richard is no longer here with us.

its great you have a new cm and also a lovely neighbour and even nicer jasmine knows her daddy - she always will as you and others will keep his memory alive :)

going to the gym sounds good - i do body combat and kick boxing and boxercise and VERY therapeutic kicking/punching people bags/pads

much love Rinders x

What a lovely story about your wedding Rinders - a fairytale

An au pair sounds like a good plan!

Still think about you often xx

Well done rinders... You are such a 'together' person. Have a fab night out with your friends on Friday- it is sooo well deserved xx

Rinders, I haven't been around in bereavement for a while (regular but namechanger), but I hope you are having your night out with friends right now and that there is laughter amongst all the pain.

It's such a bloody hard thing, this keeping going and trying your best to be strong, isn't it? I was widowed coming up to 22 months ago (have a 4 yr old and a 19 month old), so can really empathise with all that horrible admin, the crippling grief - all while looking after young children.

The bereavement section has been a lifeline to me. I can see that you have had lots of support from a lot of very lovely people. Keep posting and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

With much love x

Rinders- hoping you had a fab girly night out! Xx

How was last night?

Hope you had a nice time on your night out, and your wedding sounds like it was lots of fun, with the true essence of what a wedding should be.

Thinking of you x

Thinking of you

Hope you enjoyed your night out with the girls!! x

Hello, thanks as always for your lovely messages. I haven't been on MN for a few days, so it is really nice to log on and see you've been thinking about me

I had a lovely evening out with my friends, thanks. It was much needed. The weekend was quite busy with lots of family over. I actually took advantage a couple of times and totally chilled, doing nothing. It is quite unusual for me, but it was good. Something the Mac Nurse said to me was that I was going to be exhausted, and she's absolutely right. There's so much to do and to think about. By myself - Richard was always so Good at Doing Stuff. Now I am having to be. And of course, grief makes you tired. My emotions are all over the place. And today is 6 weeks since he died. And next Friday will be our 5th wedding anniversary.

I have managed to get lots of things done though. I limit myself to 2 - 3 things a day as I have found there is only so many times I can pick up the phone and say that my husband has died, or send off a death certificate to yet another company. It is my mission in life now to influence change across the financial services industry in how they deal with bereavement. It really shouldn't be this hard. Don't be surprised if you see my face in the next year or two, talking about it

The girls are both doing brilliantly. Am so proud of them both. And DSS continues to be a star. It's his last week at college this week and then he will be round lots more. He's also going to come on holiday with us over the summer - booked flights yesterday. One whole long month in the sun, my Mum, the girls and me for the whole time and then DSS, 2 SistersIL and MIL coming out at various times. Cannot wait DD1 used to watch the Wonderpets a lot, and part of the song says, "what makes it work?......TEAMWORK". That has always been our mantra, now more than ever.

And signonthewindow, so sorry you have been/are going through this yourself. Much love to you xxx

So glad you enjoyed your night out :)

We all need time out to chill and just try to forget for a few hours - though tbh we don't forget :(

TOTALLY agree how useless all companies banks and financial stuff are crap and incompetent :(

They make a hard time so much harder :(

((hugs)) for today and 6weeks - everything is a time scale

The holiday sounds lovely and again much needed

I really need to book a holiday as was meant to be going away next weekend and need some sun

You are doing so well to keep it together xxxxx