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Bereavement

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Update on Rindercella's DH (No. 2)

845 replies

Portoeufino · 12/04/2011 16:25

The other thread has reached 1000 posts, so I hope no-one minds that I started a new one......Hoping R is home with you now!

OP posts:
Rindercella · 14/04/2011 09:14

Thank you to whoever arranged to have this thread moved to Bereavement.

Thank you all too for your messages.

There's lots to do today and I think that's how I'm going to cope, at least for the next week or two. I didn't really sleep last night, just from about 5.30 - 7am but that's ok - I have 2 small children, sleep deprivation is something I am familiar with. I spent a couple of hours in the early hours with 2 of my SILs, chatting about the good times.

I feel tense and nervous, with a knot in my stomach. I woke yesterday at 4am with the same feeling and had to go to Richard. I think I knew then that those would be his final few hours. I spent more time with him yesterday, holding his hand, than I have in weeks. It was a special time.

Richard's passing was so incredibly peaceful. I was holding his hand and didn't notice. He looked so young, beautiful and pain free. When the undertaker came to collect him last night he commented on how peaceful he looks. I am so pleased that after so many months with so much pain, his final hours were so comfortable.

Yesterday was informing family and some very close friends. Today my SILs and I will be calling other friends. I am going to contact key people who I know will pass on the news to others, a sort of ripple effect. I think there's only so many times I can have that particular conversation.

Deep breaths (however much they hurt).

pinkbraces · 14/04/2011 09:18

Rinders,

Im so sorry that he has gone, but pleased he was at home surrounded by you all, he would have felt your love so strongly.

Be kind to yourself.

xx

Bucharest · 14/04/2011 09:21

You are doing wonderfully Rinders, and your dignity and love is an inspiration to all of us.
If you can bear to, let some other members of the family do some of the calling. I remember how exhausted my Mum got with all of the phone calls to and from well-wishers. As you said, a ripple effect can come in to play.

ellenjames · 14/04/2011 09:22

so sorry xx

Escallonia · 14/04/2011 09:22

Rinders, you write so beautifully about his last hours. I hope the knowledge of that last peaceful day you spent together brings you some form of comfort.

Keeping busy is (ime) a good way to cope in the short term. Well-meaning people may try to tell you to go and rest or sit down and do nothing - but just do whatever you you need to, whether that's being alone and quiet, or being busy until you drop with exhaustion at the end of each day. Your way of coping is the best way, especially while the reality / unreality of everything comes into and out of focus.

x

MissPaintyOeuf · 14/04/2011 09:41

Thinking of you this morning Rinders x

onEastarEggIGraze · 14/04/2011 09:54

You are right about the ripple effect. People did this for us when my brother died and it really helped. I called the people that I thought needed to hear it directly from me, and SIL did the same, then people offered to take over.

sunshineandshowers13 · 14/04/2011 09:58

oh Rinders, i hope you gain strength from your family (who sound amazing) and can find some comfort that your dh was at home surrounded by love. I read this last night and went to bed thinking of you all and the unfairness of it all. I 2nd everything Escallonia said - do what you have to to get through this.

ZacharyQuack · 14/04/2011 09:59

So very sorry, thinking of you all.

The love you have for Richard just shines from your posts. What an wonderful man he must have been, to inspire such love from his wife, his children, his mother, sisters, friends. In our ordinary lives, it is the love we share that makes us extraordinary.

Acekicker · 14/04/2011 10:49

Rinders - I haven't posted to you before, but I'm so very sorry for your loss. Prostate Cancer is our 'corporate charity' this year, when I go back to work after the Easter break I am going to put extra money in the collection box (it gets all my coppers at the moment) and think of you, your amazing husband and your beautiful girls.

ScroobiousPip · 14/04/2011 11:16

So, so sorry Rinders.

Thinking of you and your family.

Listmaker · 14/04/2011 11:48

So so sorry for your loss. Glad he was able to get home and be with you and his family at the end. Thinking of you all.

MABS · 14/04/2011 11:52

much love to you x

FAB5 · 14/04/2011 12:30

I am so moved by your posts, Rinders, and so very sorry for your loss.

SanctiMoanyArse · 14/04/2011 13:07

I am so sorry Rinders. He had a good death; thaqt is an amazing gift to give. Quite possibly the most important gift of all those we can give the people we love.

Love to you all XX

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 14/04/2011 13:32

So sorry for your loss - thinking of you all xxx

MunchkinsMumof2 · 14/04/2011 14:47

Sat here in tears Rindercella, I'm so sorry for your loss. I have followed your story and really hoped for a miracle. I hope you have a good support network and people to share the burden with. I'm thinking of you and your little ones and sending love, Munchkins xxx

thinbridewaitingtogetout · 14/04/2011 16:31

So sos sorry for your loss rindercella, thinking of you and your family at this sad sad time x

dionysia · 14/04/2011 17:01

very sorry for your loss,

:(

WreckoftheHesperus · 14/04/2011 17:05

so, so sorry for your loss. So glad that all who loved him were around him in the end. Wishing you lots of strength to get through the days ahead x

NorbertDentressangle · 14/04/2011 17:06

So, so sorry to hear this Rinders.

My thoughts are with you and your family

Chulita · 14/04/2011 17:16

rinders I'm so sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

speculationisrife · 14/04/2011 17:24

So, so sorry for your loss - but so glad that you had those few hours with your darling husband at the end - he must have felt so very very loved. Thoughts and prayers with you and yours.

BarbaraBar · 14/04/2011 17:25

So sorry for your loss. x

lostlady · 14/04/2011 17:32

Have also read and not known what to say - so very sad, hope you can carry on being brave at what must be a really difficult time.