Remembering with love all our departed brothers and sisters – “The angel inside us”.

[dejavuaswell]

My sister Jane died on 24th October 1992. We never knew exactly how she came to crash her car. There was no proof that there was any other vehicle involved but it was very hard to explain what happened unless she swerved to avoid something.

Jane was the youngest of 5 (4 girls and a boy). She died in a road accident 15 months after she graduated. She was closest, chronologically, emotionally and tempermentally to my brother. My older sister, the secular one, has always kept a picture of Jane on her bedside table and my younger sister, the religious one, puts everything down to God?s Will and seems to think of Jane as the lucky one for being in Heaven before the rest of us.

After many years of hardly mourning her death Christmas 2010 was really difficult for me. I had such strong images of her lying cold and alone in the cemetery wondering where the rest of the family and her boyfriend were that it has made me really tearful and spoilt Christmas 100%.

When I think about all that happened in my life since Jane died it seems so unfair that she died before marriage and parenthood and before she could make proper use of her hard-won degree.

This thread follows on from this very moving one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/641812-For-Jonny-and-all-our-darling-departed-sisters-and-brothers

Mumfie, good to hear your morning was better. Hope your peace lasts a while.

October is a difficult time for several regular posters - Jane died 19 years ago, Jenny 4 years and Matt 2 years.

Dejavuaswell: sister Jane, birthday 26th October, died 24th October 1992

Hunkerbunker2: sister Diane, birthday 27th November, died 13th February 2001

Cyteen: brother Simon, birthday 9th July, died April 26th 2007

Caffeineaddict: sister Jenny, birthday 15th Jan. Died 14th October 2007

Evansmummy: brother Jonny, birthday 6th March, died 30th May 2008

MissM: brother Jim, birthday March 9th, died October 17th 2008

Binary (was Oneofapair): twin sister Caroline, birthday September 29th, died August 27th 2009

Shelleylou: brother Matt, birthday 28th June, died October 19th 2009.

Thanks for the reminder deja.

I'll be thinking of you, caffeine, MissM and Shelleylou this month, even if I don't get to post on the exact dates.

As long as we live, they too shall live, for they are a part of us, as we remember them.

Hi ladies, ?I hope today has been kind to you. I haven't managed to get more then a few minutes on line over the past week or so. I am inundated at work, which being a teacher means working evenings and I am still playing catch up from my time off at the start of term. Going back to work has been the best thing for me, but today is the first day I have felt rubbish, sad, low in the last 2 weeks. It's hit me again like a bolt :(

My mum isn't coping very well either, which is making me sad. Maybe guilt for not being sad? I am very very very sad.. I just don't have the time to show it. Does that make sense? She's just gone back to work after 7 weeks off and is finding the normality incredibly stressful. She even found out her job is on the line (local council redundancies) and she talked about jacking it in which is so unlike my mum, I am worried about her but live so far away can't do anything :(

I called Cruse and left a message 2 weeks ago. Thy never even bothered to get back to me which has royally pee'd me off!

We are fast approaching 2 months since my sister died and it is still as unvelievable as when I first found out.

I had such a shit day (disater flat tyre on the way to work) and just needed my sis to moan to on the phone :(

I've been away from this thread for a while, coping with the death of my father. I've caught up with some of the posts, and just want to send hugs and support to everyone here. Such sadness. Dejavua, thanks for posting - am facing 4th anniversary of my sister's death this week.

caffeine, how are you feeling today? And how did yesterday go?

I'm sorry for not being around much, aand i'm afraid i won't be for a while. Baby Eliot was born last Sat and i'd forgotten how hard life with a newborn can be!

You all remain in my thoughts though, even if i'm not posting xx

Thanks lookout. Got through it. Just feel so sad and I miss her still so much.
Congratulations on Elliot - great to be posting about new life x

Congratulations lookout

Another rubbish day here! The 2 month anniversary was on Saturday and I kept myself so busy with visitors/shopping/kids birthdays it hit me like a bolt at 4am this morning :( So I have had the day off with my son. But still feel rubbish :(

2 months on we still don't know how she died and it's ripping us all apart, but we are staying strong for eachother x

minisis, so sorry you have been having a rough time. how are you feeling now? i'm pleased to hear your family are supporting each other. anniversaries are always hard, i always feel they make it all seem more real, while moving me further away from my brother.

caffeine, how are you doing?

my mum found a baby photo of my brother today. Eliot looks just like him. it breaks my heart that they will never meet.

Hiya, ahh everything is rubbish for me! We celebrated DS's first birthday last week, but it felt so wrong without her there. But we have past that milestone and on to the next one.

We also had the coroners report back yesterday and her cause of death was (as suspected) heart failure. Until BIL goes through it with a GP we won't understand it all. But we do know she didn't suffer, her heart slowed to the point of passing out and eventually stopped. No-one could have saved her even if they were there, we were told. The heart was "broken" and their was no fixing it :(

I don't visit Mumsnet or post to this thread as often as I used to. It seems as many of the regulars have, like me, drifted away. I wish I could say I was moving onwards and upwards but the truth is I feel crap. For many years I was in denial about Jane's death and, just like the experts say, eventually it all caught up with me. My siblings are quite shocked at how much I have agonised over what might have been. I'm shocked too.

I guess there comes a time with all threads when they run out of steam: perhaps when everything that needs to be said has been said. I found posting here helped me battle through some very dark times and swapping experiences with the former regulars became part of my weekly routine.

Slowly but surely these people have drifted away leaving me with a sense of regret (I missed their support) but also with a sense of hope - perhaps they were moving on with their lives.

Goodbye - I love you all and I hope you have found the inner calm that still escapes me.

Dejavuaswell: sister Jane, birthday 26th October, died 24th October 1992

Hunkerbunker2: sister Diane, birthday 27th November, died 13th February 2001

Cyteen: brother Simon, birthday 9th July, died April 26th 2007

Caffeineaddict: sister Jenny, birthday 15th Jan. Died 14th October 2007

Evansmummy: brother Jonny, birthday 6th March, died 30th May 2008

MissM: brother Jim, birthday March 9th, died October 17th 2008

Binary (was Oneofapair): twin sister Caroline, birthday September 29th, died August 27th 2009

Shelleylou: brother Matt, birthday 28th June, died October 19th 2009.

Goodbye - If you're not returning. Am still here! Love to you and all those grieving x

dejavu, I don't post on here much either anymore. And I certainly haven't found peace. I have just been diagnosed with PND and I think that the way I dealt (or didn't deal) with Jonny's death is all tied up in it.

Threads do run out of steam though, and I just don't know what else to say about something so horrible as the death of my darling littel brother. But if you still need to say things you must must must find a place that can support you. Be that a counsellor/friend/family member. I'm sorry this thread has fizzled away but am glad that it brought you some support. That's what I started it back in 2008.

I think of you all often, strangely. Even though we've never met, you have been my strongest help in my worst times. I love you all too.

I too am still around. My life is on hold at the moment because I am waiting for the divorce to go though and for my house to sell to help finance my move to South Africa. I think of my sister Diane a lot, as somebody here once said, it is like a piece of what makes you who you are has been snatched away. I drop in to Mumsnet about monthly but if this thread might restart I will contribute to it.

Like Lookout I think of you all quite often. The people here helped me so much. I still think about my twin most weeks but that ghastly empty ache has gone. With love to all the regulars.

Hi sorry i went AWOL for quite a while. RL caught up with me. I spoke to my parents about DS2 being named after my gorgeous ickle big bro as i called him. My parents weren't surprised and were happy for me to do so. DS2 arrived 4 weeks early at the begining of October and is now a bouncing 5 1/2 month old. His premature arrival gave me one less thing to worry about.. him being born on DB's remember day and i could have my customary JD and coke.
I miss Matty every day and im nearly 2 and a half years on. I still can playback my parents telling me what had happened, the images of him in the mortuary at the hospital and him in his coffin are etched into my mind. I dont think i will ever lose them. My eldest son still talks about him and they have the same eyes. All of my children will know of their uncle i wont let his memory die. I've made a massive step and phoned Roadpeace to volunteer for their befriender service, I want to give more back to a charity that helped me soo much. Thinking of you all

Dejavuaswell: sister Jane, birthday 26th October, died 24th October 1992

Hunkerbunker2: sister Diane, birthday 27th November, died 13th February 2001

Cyteen: brother Simon, birthday 9th July, died April 26th 2007

Caffeineaddict: sister Jenny, birthday 15th Jan. Died 14th October 2007

Evansmummy: brother Jonny, birthday 6th March, died 30th May 2008

MissM: brother Jim, birthday March 9th, died October 17th 2008

Binary (was Oneofapair): twin sister Caroline, birthday September 29th, died August 27th 2009

Shelleylou: brother Matt, birthday 28th June, died October 19th 2009.

With love to the regulars XX

I would love to keep this thread going. I lost my sister Charlotte this year on 29th Jan.

You get through the initial pain and sadness and then later on it hits you again, and again. I am having to make some tough decisions at the moment and wish she was here to talk to me about them.
There is also a ton of funny things that I would have shared with her, daft things our Mum says/does, and my DP's hypochondria which would have us in hysterics (he once though he had a disease where your muscle turn to bone). I can remember how we both howled with laughter as there was never anything woring with him.

Some days just for a second you forget they have gone ...

Its awful to lose a sibling.

Foofoo you are so right with the grief keep hitting you. You miss a sibling at such random times myds1 has his first sports day next week and I'd love my DB to bevthere.

I lost my darling younger brother to cancer on 14 June this year, so nearly 3 weeks ago. It would have been his 29th birthday on 1 July. It's his wife's birthday tomorrow. She will be 27. 27 years old and a widow, it just doesn't make any sense.
We are in a fog, all of us and the grief is palpable. I don't think any of it has sunk in, I've never felt so numb. I can only be grateful we are a very close family and we have my five year old niece and 9 month old son to keep us smiling. Threads like this keep me hopeful that moving on is possible (as I know it is). One day I know I will wake up and the first feeling won't be like a punch in the gut. Soon it will be a happy memory of him at his best instead of his last days.

shellylou - its when it gets you all of a suddend, or when you have time to think and dwell. I seem to cry in the car an awful lot.

Pudgy, I am so sorry to hear about your brother, so young and such a horrible disease. Your right you will be just ninb from the grief at the moment, it isso tough and stays so tough but fater a while you learn to cope with it - but in all honesty the pain is always there - you just get used to it.

Hello
I am pleased to see this thread continuing - not that I take any comfort in all your pain. Its been almost five years since I lost my sister to cancer. The pain isn't as acute - but I still think about her every day. Just wanted to send hugs and warmth to you all. But its grim. x

Dejavuaswell: sister Jane, birthday 26th October, died 24th October 1992

Hunkerbunker2: sister Diane, birthday 27th November, died 13th February 2001

Cyteen: brother Simon, birthday 9th July, died April 26th 2007

Caffeineaddict: sister Jenny, birthday 15th Jan. Died 14th October 2007

Evansmummy: brother Jonny, birthday 6th March, died 30th May 2008

MissM: brother Jim, birthday March 9th, died October 17th 2008

Binary (was Oneofapair): twin sister Caroline, birthday September 29th, died August 27th 2009

Shelleylou: brother Matt, birthday 28th June, died October 19th 2009.

Foofooyeah: sister Charlotte, died January 29th 2012.

Pudgy2011: brother ?, died June 14th 2012.

With love to the regulars XX

My brother was Spencer. My hero. Died 14 June 2012, birthday 1 July x