Remembering with love all our departed brothers and sisters – “The angel inside us”.

[dejavuaswell]

My sister Jane died on 24th October 1992. We never knew exactly how she came to crash her car. There was no proof that there was any other vehicle involved but it was very hard to explain what happened unless she swerved to avoid something.

Jane was the youngest of 5 (4 girls and a boy). She died in a road accident 15 months after she graduated. She was closest, chronologically, emotionally and tempermentally to my brother. My older sister, the secular one, has always kept a picture of Jane on her bedside table and my younger sister, the religious one, puts everything down to God?s Will and seems to think of Jane as the lucky one for being in Heaven before the rest of us.

After many years of hardly mourning her death Christmas 2010 was really difficult for me. I had such strong images of her lying cold and alone in the cemetery wondering where the rest of the family and her boyfriend were that it has made me really tearful and spoilt Christmas 100%.

When I think about all that happened in my life since Jane died it seems so unfair that she died before marriage and parenthood and before she could make proper use of her hard-won degree.

This thread follows on from this very moving one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/641812-For-Jonny-and-all-our-darling-departed-sisters-and-brothers

[lookout]

Juney how are you getting on? How was your Christmas? Any luck on the counselling front?

I sometimes have moments when I think of all of you who have accompanied me over the years, and then I come and post. Another year begins without our siblings, and I actually found the turning of the new year harder than Christmas this year. I felt terribly guilty, because apart from a thought on Christmas morning, I was so wrapped up in my children's joy, cooking and drinking that I forgot to think about my brother much on Christmas day . I made up for it on NYE though. He would be 30 this year in March. He could be married by now. I am disgusted by the waste.

We also had a visit from a friend of his, before Christmas. It was lovely to know people are still thinking of him and miss him, but the things she said were very painful to hear. So may wonderful and personal memories, it just accentuates the bloody loss.

Thinking of you all xx

[PuddingandPie1]

By brother died of asthma 50 years today - there isn't anybody around who remembers Stephen apart from me so I thought the big wide world of Mumsnet was the place to put a message.

[PuddingandPie1]

PuddingandPie1: twin brother Stephen, birthday October 23rd, died 27th May 1964

Dejavuaswell: sister Jane, birthday 26th October, died 24th October 1992

Hunkerbunker2: sister Diane, birthday 27th November, died 13th February 2001

Cyteen: brother Simon, birthday 9th July, died 26th April 2007

Caffeineaddict: sister Jenny, birthday 15th Jan. Died 14th October 2007

Lookout: brother Jonny, birthday 6th March, died 30th May 2008

MissM: brother Jim, birthday 9th March, died 17th October 2008

Binary (was Oneofapair): my twin sister Caroline, birthday 29th September, died 27th August 2009

Shelleylou: brother Matt, birthday 28th June, died 19th October 2009.

Foofooyeah: sister Charlotte, birthday 14th November, died 29th January 2012.

Pudgy2011: brother Spencer, birthday 1st July, died 14th June 2012.

Serendipity16: brother David, birthday 22nd May, died 7th December 2012

Sparklyblue: brother David, birthday 29th May, died 15th January 2013

Junewoony: sister Helen, birthday 31st October, died 27th October 2013

[lookout]

Pudding a bit late, but xxx

Still think of you all. No idea why tonight more than any other, but thought I would just pop in and wave. Hope you are all still being kind to yourselves as your siblings live on in your hearts.

We miss them everyday...

[PuddingandPie1]

Hello Lookout - I'm pleased that somebody has posted. It has been something of a saga getting Stephen's memorial bench sorted out and now it will not be in place until school returns in September. Ditto getting him a more informative gravestone in the church opposite "his" primary school. Church folk seem to move in ultra slow motion regardless of the upset it causes the bereaved.

[PuddingandPie1]

I've waited and waited and waited for everything to be sorted out before posting here. On Friday the memorial bench was installed and on Monday the new gravestone was erected and that part of my life finally has a full stop after it. It took, near enough, four months from first to last.

[PuddingandPie1]

I've just noticed that no fewer than 5 posters (out of 14) posters had a sibling who died in October. So spare a thought on October 14th,17th, 19th, 24th and 27th for Jenny, Jim, Matt, Jane and Helen.

[foofooyeah]

pudding I am so pleased to hear you finally have the bench and headstone sorted for Stephen.

Does anyone else suffer from guilt and think if they had done more been there more, their sibling might still be around? I miss Charlotte dreadfully, I sometimes think if she hadn't moved so far away or if I had taken control of her treatment she might still be here.
I was looking at old photos last night: we were always larking about. I miss those times and our ridiculousness, I just miss everything.

[lookout]

foofooyeah yes, I feel guilty often. For many and different reasons. I wish I had called him more often, especially after he as mugged in Leeds. I might have persuaded him to come back home. Amongst other things. We did silly simple stuff too. He was the best at making something ordinary into something extraordinary. I remember an afternoon spent reading the map book of the British Isles and outdoing each other with the silly place names we could find. Or the most ridiculous piss-taking dance moves he would make up for his girlfriend. I miss that kind of thing.

[lookout]

Pudding sooo pleased for you that Stephen's bench has finally been sorted. Must be a weight off your mind, and good to have that done. It is good to get those milestones done. Very frustrating that it took so long to sort out, but at last it finally is.

October = lots of hugs being sent out for bereaved siblings xx

[PuddingandPie1]

With my Mother and Father both dead, together with my twin, I sometimes feel quite lonely even though I am happily married with children of my own! I think it because there is nobody around who can chat with me about my childhood.

Yes Lookout I was pleased that I got Stephen's memorial bench and gravestone sorted out. I think I should have done it a while ago but when I was working other things tended to fill my mind. Retirement gave me thinking time.

[PuddingandPie1]

It has been a difficult couple of weeks - a friend of mine from my university days hung himself two weeks ago today. I went to the funeral, of course, and was introduced to his brother. He was 78 so 18 years older than his sibling. Although they only lived 30 odd miles apart they only saw each other every couple of years and only spoke on the phone at Christmas. It was all very sad for the family.

[PuddingandPie1]

Please remember Serendipity16's brother David who died 7th December 2012.

[foofooyeah]

Hi there pudding the funeral sounds hard. How very sad.

I can understand you feeling lonely. I still have my Mum and 2 sisters .... But I still miss those shared experiences.

[PuddingandPie1]

PuddingandPie1: twin brother Stephen, birthday October 23rd, died 27th May 1964

Dejavuaswell: sister Jane, birthday 26th October, died 24th October 1992

Hunkerbunker2: sister Diane, birthday 27th November, died 13th February 2001

Cyteen: brother Simon, birthday 9th July, died 26th April 2007

Caffeineaddict: sister Jenny, birthday 15th Jan. Died 14th October 2007

Lookout: brother Jonny, birthday 6th March, died 30th May 2008

MissM: brother Jim, birthday 9th March, died 17th October 2008

Binary (was Oneofapair): my twin sister Caroline, birthday 29th September, died 27th August 2009

Shelleylou: brother Matt, birthday 28th June, died 19th October 2009.

Foofooyeah: sister Charlotte, birthday 14th November, died 29th January 2012.

Pudgy2011: brother Spencer, birthday 1st July, died 14th June 2012.

Serendipity16: brother David, birthday 22nd May, died 7th December 2012

Sparklyblue: brother David, birthday 29th May, died 15th January 2013

Junewoony: sister Helen, birthday 31st October, died 27th October 2013

[PuddingandPie1]

Remembering with love Charlotte (Jan 29, 3 years) and Diane (Feb 13, 14 years).

[Feellikescrooge]

Remembering Nenee( how he hated the nickname) 5/7/60 to 13/10/14 RIP

[PuddingandPie1]

Yesterday (Easter Monday) my children suddenly decided that they wanted to visit Stephen's grave! I was pleased but surprised because they have never shown much interest in their Uncle Stephen before. On the way over they asked me all sort of questions about his life and his early death and it became obvious that for years Stephen had never been spoken about when they were around. I feel quite ashamed that in their eyes my twin had been reduced to some shadowy person that was never to be mentioned! I think they both felt a bit strange "talking" to his grave to tell him who they were and why they were there. The grave had a good display of daffodils on when we left so that was nice.

[lookout]

Pudding, that's really special. It must be so difficult when time has passed to remember your brother in such a way. But that's so touching that your children seemed to have him on their hearts! I think that with time the person who has died becomes sort of mythical, for want of a better word. They take on a kind of 'unreal', status, at least that's how I feel it, but maybe I'm strange! We have lots of photos of him around though which makes him more visible.

Sometimes, randomly, thoughts of his uncle will come upon my eldest son, but he was only 3 when Jon died, so his memories are mostly transferred I think. It always makes me sad though.

We are soon coming up for 7 years. Which is sad in itself.

[PuddingandPie1]

My children arranged as a surprise for an enlarged and framed photo of my twin Stephen and I to be delivered to the house. It was taken by my Dad in March 1964 so just a couple of months before Stephen died. We must have been playing football in the garden as I can see jumpers being used for goalposts in the background.

It is strange to think that Stephen has been dead for 80% of my life.

[PuddingandPie1]

This thread followed on from one that started as long ago as November 2008. There have been over 1,200 posts in about 80 months which seems quite remarkable. Sadly many of the people that posted over the years now seem to have vanished from the Mumsnet scene, unless of course they have name-changed.

If any of you do read this message how about posting an update?

[lookout]

Hey Pudding. It is true, after the last security problem thingy whenever that was, I didn't sort my log in details out and thus haven't been on forever. Here I am though, still here, still grieving, but with a sadness that has changed an awful lot over the last 7 1/2 years. I miss my brother every day, and still cry frequently. I find it hard to look at photos of him at the moment, so try to avoid doing so. My boys talk about him and ask questions every now and then and it is good to know his memory is alive and well in our family. I wish more than any other thing he could come back though. We had a big family dispute earlier in the year, still unresolved, and I just know it would never had happened had he been here. He was a peacemaker and a growing into a gentle and loving man. I still think of this thread at times and remember with enormous emotion the lifeline it was for a number of years. Wishing you all a merry Christmas, our siblings are in every smile.