Any suitable bereavement groups for me?

[missdisorganised1]

I am 18 but feel older. My Mum and Dad died 11 months ago so I went to live with my Nan and Granddad until I was 18. I am back in the family home now, still at school and managing (a bit hand-to-mouth) on the living allowance given out by the trustees of Mum and Dads estate.

Are there any suitable bereavement groups for my age?. There seems to be stuff for the under 18's and I once visited an adult group with Nam where I was the youngest by 20 years.

I would like to talk to people more my own age but I see school friends eyes start to glaze over if I answer "How are you?" truthfully.

Missd - I think people here are worried about you. Mumonthenet has made a sensible suggestion about moving back in with your grandparents. Even a week of family life might cheer you up?

Honestly there is no disgrace in you saying "I tried living on my own but it didn't work out"

Thanks to a local support group and the school I have made a bit of progress about getting a lodger.

Yesterday I did meet up with a girl who is in a fairly similar situation to me. The trouble is that I really didn?t like her very much, something just felt wrong and I think if she became my lodger it would add to the stress in my life. It sounds mean but I don?t think 2 way support was part of her master plan. She is nearly 20 and lives about 4 miles away. She relies on public transport (she has a car but hasn?t passed her test) to get to work and I think (know) she would expect me to ferry her around. Nan who was there with me thought the same. I took her back to the bus station in my car and waited with her until her bus arrived. So not that one, not as a lodger anyway. But there is one other who I have only spoken to on the phone. She is a young widow but seems sensible and nice and we are going to meet on Thursday.

I was wondering how you are missd...

Thanks for the update. Think you are right to trust your instincts on the lodger stuff. After all, living with someone - you really have to like them. Still, perhaps you can keep in touch and eventually maybe even be friends. Good luck with the next meeting.

Is it really a no-no to move back with your gp's for a few months...at least until the summer when your exams (I guess) will be over?

Sending you lots of love and good wishes and keep us posted.

I have started going to Nan and Granddad's for my tea. I watch a bit of TV with them then go home to start on school work. I don't feel so lonely or isolated now.

The Thursday meeting with a possible lodger went well but it could not start for a few weeks. She is a widow, early 20's I think, but sensible and nice so I think it might work. She is coming over to see the house, we met at the school before, Tuesday evening.

missd1, can I ask why you moved out of your grandparents house? I'm confused as to why living a lone would be a better solution that staying with your grandparents until you finish school.

When I am in in the family home and in my own bedroom it feels like Mum and Dad are just away for a while and will be coming back soon.

When I am away at Nans I know they are never coming back. Dying is forever.

Also I can cry and shout and punch the pillows when I am in my own house without anybody else hearing or getting upset for me.

Good news missd, - tea at gps' and then home sounds like a good compromise and you'll all be company for each other.

The lodger sounds interesting, you are doing fantastically well, you really are.

Sending love and hugs, keep posting - we are here for you.

How are you getting on missdisorganised1?

Any progress with getting a lodger?

I think I have found a lodger to share my house with me. We met up for the second time yesterday, she is 23 and is a widow. She lost her husband in a motor bike accident in December 2009. She seems very sensible and nice so I think it will work out for both of us.

I had a bit of bother at school today. My "smart business" attire wasn't smart enough for the deputy head of year. I didn't make any excuses but when the Head of Sixth found out the warning was removed from my record. She told the deputy head of year that "She is doing the best she can". Which is true.

Granddad is a bit better this week so one less problem to think about.

Hi missd,

Just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear of your loss, and how well I think it sounds like you are coping in the face of it all. I hope that it works out well with your new lodger, if you decide to move forward on that.

Best wishes to you.

Glad to see things are getting done, from your other thread how do you feel about the housework now? Glad you are seeing someone.

I'm so sorry your parents died, missdisorganised. I've got nothing useful to add but just wanted to send you a big hug. My oldest daughter is just a bit younger than you. xxx

I think this is a good idea but why not make the questions and answers public? I think we might be surprised how many youngsters need help like this.

Hi missdis
My dd is doing her A2's at the moment - what you're going thru' at the moment puts her stress into context.
Are you doing any modules at the moment? What subjects are you taking?
Glad your dep. head of year was sorted out - I think you are doing brilliantly to hold it together as your are. You need to let go sometimes though.

deja no reason why it couldn't be public but I think that missd might be more comfortable with a smaller support group: a public one might end up in disagreements or debates that might not be helpful...

I am doing A2's in biology, chemistry and physics.

If I get the grades (points) I am hoping to go to the university in the nearby town to study Forensic and Applied Biology.

I nearly lost it at school today. Lots of issues came together so when the Deputy Head of Year said something to the group I was with about school uniform and "special cases" I felt really angry. I thought walking away was better than being rude to her face.

I am quite looking forward to having a lodger. My Gran and Granddad mean well but they are quite old, quite frail and having to cope with their own problems.

It is the first anniversary of Mum and Dad's death on Monday. I am having the day off although the school hasn't bothered to reply to my request.

Wow - those are strong subject you're doing. DD is doing Biology - I feel really bad because I talked her into doing at least one 'sensible' subject, and she really
struggles with it. Did you have the module on Monday? We fear it's yet another U!

Your Deputy H of Y sounds pretty horrible - sounds like you're the mature one there, although sad that you have to be.

It must be a tough balance to get with your Gran and Grandad - good that they're near, but still needing your own space. Don't expect too much of yourself - this week is going to be awful for you. Have you planned anything for Monday?

Maths would be a strong subject but too hard for me. But if you are good at arithmetic then physics and chemistry are fairly easy so I can then concentrate more on biology.

Populations & Environment (AQA) is one of the easier modules in Biology A2 because it is rather number based.

Other people seem to have planned Monday for me.

But you mustn't be worried about saying what you want to do. I know your grandparents will have planned things with your best interests at heart, but maybe you just want to go along with that up to a point.

My ds is in his first year at Uni doing Physics, and he says it really is very maths based. He did Maths at A2, but didn't get the grade he was hoping for. I just look at the work and my mind shuts down - must be very thick . DD is doing OCR, and hating every minute of it. Have you had your offer from UCAS yet?

Hi Missd,
I am really sorry to hear about your loss.You are doing such a great job in something that most of us acan only imagine what it is like. I don't know if this wensite will help?

www.winstonswish.org.uk/

I will be thinking of you on Monday. Make sure you look after yourself.

What would you like to do on Monday?

I have got to get 280 points (BBC) to go to my first choice university.

On Monday I was going to release one balloon for each of them with a message attached but somebody here said that was a really bad idea because the balloons are harmful to wildlife.

I didn't have a plan B so I was just going to go along with what the four Grandparents wanted. Visiting the grave and going out for a dinner somewhere. But about an hour ago I thought sod it I want to do the balloon idea. Its my day as well.

If those balloons are going to make you feel better, then do it. It is your day, and you need to think about yourself above anyone.

My DD needs 280 for her offers as well - she hasn't got one that's any lower, but I think a lot of the unis are asking for higher grades this year. You can all only do your best.

Hope you have a good night.

Please do the balloons, you need to do something that's just you, your gps want to be with you and don't want you to be alone.