Any suitable bereavement groups for me?

[missdisorganised1]

I am 18 but feel older. My Mum and Dad died 11 months ago so I went to live with my Nan and Granddad until I was 18. I am back in the family home now, still at school and managing (a bit hand-to-mouth) on the living allowance given out by the trustees of Mum and Dads estate.

Are there any suitable bereavement groups for my age?. There seems to be stuff for the under 18's and I once visited an adult group with Nam where I was the youngest by 20 years.

I would like to talk to people more my own age but I see school friends eyes start to glaze over if I answer "How are you?" truthfully.

Wow MissD well done for getting through your first term and for getting your Christmas holiday sorted (despite your Grandparents' thoughtlessness). Lovely to hear you will be going to your Aunt's from Easter, she sounds very nice.

It feels rather strange opening presents on your own, particularly ones you got for yourself. But various relatives have been very kind about sending something, although really I suspect under normal circumstances I would count as too old. GParents phoned at 7:45 to tell me that they would give me my present on their return from holiday. (I expect it hasn't been purchased yet!). I am off for my Christmas dinner at 12:15, gift in hand.

Go, girl, go. Don't worry about your grandparents - time may settle things and in the meantime, you are young, courageous and ready to face the day -
BTW - you are never too old to receive presents (at least I hope you're not!)!

Sad to say that I am going to be glad to go back to University. Nan and Granddad's don't want to include me in their routine but moan and groan to each other when I try to do something on my own. They don't want to stay up till 12 and they don't want me going out either. "The door will be locked at 10:30" according to Nan.

Just 1 more week to survive without blowing up!

So sorry it's proving hard going with your GP's. Any chance you could send out an FB SOS tonight, allowing you to go out & sleepover at a friends?

You are 19 now and I'd be inclined to do as you wish & face the consequences later!

Whatever happens tonight, I wish you a happier and more settled 2012. You have done so well so far & I am sure you will go from strength to strength.
x

Sometimes I can go a while without missing Mum and Dad in quite the way I used to in the first 12 months after they died. But then somethings goes wrong and then the despair and anger creeps up on me. It happened yesterday. I was busy all day with revision and doing things for GP's and then they started moaning at me because I forgot one thing on the shopping list.

Today is the last full day I will spend living in Nan and Granddad's house - a good job to!!!.

Uni starts again next week and all future holidays will be spend at my aunt's rather than here. It has been grim staying here, the generation gap is just too much to deal with. We never seem to want to do the same things. Even watching the TV is a stress. Once what they want to watch has finished off goes the TV, never a "anything you would like to see dear" to be heard. If I go to my room I am being "anti-social", if I want to stay out after 10:30 I get locked out (happened twice already). I reckon for the amount I'm paying them I shouldn't have to act a chief shopper, cleaner and cook as well.

Never again is all I can say!

I have just read your whole thread (which I came across by mistake) through tears (for the horrifically sad loss of your parents and the way you gp have acted) and joy (at your results and the recognition of you hard work) you are an amazing young woman. At your age when I was in my first year at uni I had no idea how to look after myself on a daily basis (despite the best efforts of my dm to prepare me!).

Well done for surviving these holidays with your grandparents with such dignity. I'm sure you are going to continue through your uni course and into your career being a high achiever. Your parents would have been so very proud of you. As I hope are the rest of your extended family.

I hope that you enjoy going back to uni next week and seeing all of your new friends. My uni days were fabulous and those friends I made there have remained very close despite us being all over the country, we've all been through the good and bad times together, weddings, babies, career successes, divorces, bereavements. I feel sure that you will never have to tread such a difficult a path that you have recently again in your whole life. I will be watching this thread too hear about how you are doing.

Sorry you are having a difficult day and for that unfortunately I can be no help except to say that you are in my thoughts and send you a big hug you brave lady x

I know I have not posted for a while but I will never forget my Mumsnet friends. I have been busy at university with exams, tests and assignments - these have gone really well so I am pleased about that.

I still write a weekly letter to GParents but I don't get one back. It seems I am out of favour for opting to stay with my aunt rather than them in the holidays. I expect they liked having me doing the shopping and cleaning. It was just my company they struggled with!

One of my new circle of friends didn't come back after Christmas. They were "missing their boyfriend too much". It seems strange that I will probably never see them again. No boyfriends for me at present, in fact since Mum and Dad were killed I haven't had much in that line at all. Too much emotional baggage.

Yesterday I went to the cemetery. I didn't need to cry this time which is progress. I can even see my old school from the grave which seems strange. The lack of leaves on the trees helps.

It's good to hear from you again missd, and to see that you're doing so well. Your parents would be very proud of you I'm sure.

You are very impressive to be getting such great results with all the adjustments you have been making. This terrible loss has made you grow up in a way that many peope twice your age have not had to.
It must be so hard that your grandparents are so unsupportive. I am glad you will not be staying with them in future. I am sure they love you in their way but are just not able to meet your needs or imagine what it is like to be you.
Wen you are ready a lovely man will come along; the maturity you have shown will mean that you choose a good one. And all your mumsnet friends will cheer you on with unsolicited advice!

Hello Miss D. Well done on your achievements to date at uni. It's been such a huge leap for you but you are doing so well.

I'm sorry that your GP's seem so out of touch with you- I know it must be hard to keep writing to them without acknowledgement, but stick to it if you can- it shows your great maturity & how much progress you have made in the year you have been posting here. You are an adult & a very sound one at that!

As for a man...well who knows. They tend to turn up & sweep you off your feet when you least expect it! In the meantime, enjoy your friends & studies & be assured your parents would be extremely proud of you. I am, and I don't even 'know' you!

x

You are so sweet MissD to remember to pop in and update us...

I, for one, will never forget you and I'm so proud and pleased to see you hanging on in there.

Sad to see how your gp's can't seem to give you what you need...some (not all) people get very self-centred in their old age.

Good luck with your second semester.

Love and hugs.

Hi Miss D

It is the anniversary of my sister's death tomorrow and I was feeling very low and so searched bereavement and found your thread. You have really put my sorrows into perspective. I can't imagine how you have found the courage and sheer determination needed to not just cope but to do so brilliantly and especially in your exams. You have obviously learnt so much about people; how people can really be there for you and also how some people can intentionally/unintentionally let you down. Your grandparents are old and used to their own ways. My niece moved in with my parents when my sister died (niece was 15 & now 19). My parents are not as old (i imagine). Its not an excuse, but it was a massive readjustment for my parents and would have been for your grandparents too, (even though i would like to shake them, to make them see how they have hurt you). Im just trying to say that it doesn't mean you aren't loved.

My niece has found a really nice boyfriend and you will too. Make sure he is a friend first, as it is easy to fall in love with the idea that someone is 'there' for just you. It can feel really intoxicating. If he is a friend, there is a good chance he is also a decent guy! My niece agrees with this, as she does now love having someone who cares and is always there for just her. In time you will have a family of your own. Everything that your parents taught you as a child, will be ingrained in you. They will be a part of your family because of this.

I am certain that your parents are somewhere watching over you. I wasn't so sure before my sister died. My sister died in horrible circumstances, leaving a horrible complicated situation behind her. I felt tormented and desperate to know that she was at peace. I went to a medium fair and saw a useless medium. I went to a medium show, certain I would get a message. I didn't and the mediums were dreadful. Soon after, a woman my younger sister didn't know, approached her in the street. She told her she was a medium and asked if our sister had died. She then said my name and the name of my two living sisters. She said my sister was at peace and we must stop searching for proof. It was the most unbelievable incident that has ever happened in my life! I do feel more at peace now as a result, as I know she is still with us. I can only speak for myself, but although the pain never goes away, gradually it isn't as sharp on a daily basis.

Take good care of yourself, you are clearly very special. xxxx

Hi missd, thanks for keeping us all updated. I expect you are on holiday and at your aunt's house now.

Your gps were so selfish in the way they treated you and now they aren't replying to your letters. Unbelievable. Are you sure they are reading your letters to them? I wonder if they are.

Are you looking for a house share for next year yet? If you are in a house rather than uni halls you don't have to leave your room in the holidays. You can go and see your aunt for a bit but then can be at uni using the library and seeing friends.

Wishing you a Happy Easter and I hope the next term goes well.

Hello miss d. I haven't posted before but wanted to say that reading your thread really helped when I had just lost my dad last year, it really put into perspective how lucky I was to still have my mum and that he had lived for as long as he did.

I had an incredibly vivid dream about my dad this week, he was aware he was dead in the dream too - hugely disconcerting. Not sleeping brilliantly at the mo so lots of time to catch up on mn and thought of you. I hope that your first year at uni is going really well and that easter at your aunts was a huge improvement on Christmas.