Any suitable bereavement groups for me?

[missdisorganised1]

I am 18 but feel older. My Mum and Dad died 11 months ago so I went to live with my Nan and Granddad until I was 18. I am back in the family home now, still at school and managing (a bit hand-to-mouth) on the living allowance given out by the trustees of Mum and Dads estate.

Are there any suitable bereavement groups for my age?. There seems to be stuff for the under 18's and I once visited an adult group with Nam where I was the youngest by 20 years.

I would like to talk to people more my own age but I see school friends eyes start to glaze over if I answer "How are you?" truthfully.

Hi, Missd.

Sorry to hear that the goalposts have moved again!

Looking ahead, when you go to Uni, where are you planning to live? Will it be in Halls? Will you let your house? Sell your house?

Presumably with your lodger you have some kind of agreement where either one of you can give notice?

I would avoid taking any decisions re the lodger until you have a clearer idea of what you're doing in September. Hang on in there, study lots but go out and laugh with your friends too! Sounds like you're doing really well.

Keep posting.

Well it is good news and bad news. My house mate is going to be able to move back in full time - but not for three weeks. Her firm has agreed that the local branch she left to do maternity cover elsewhere is now so understaffed she is being moved back. We are very pleased as it was getting very lonely for both of us.

I had another weepy day on Thursday. My form tutor is just so insensitive when handing out letters to go home. It was only information about the school play but just crossing out my parents name rather than getting a new envelope done was horrid. I retreated to the 6th form toilets to cry for a bit. He did say sorry later and blamed the Drama Dept.

Hi misdis - I hadn't seen this before, but just wanted to say how sorry I am about your parents. It sounds like you're being incredibly strong. My mother died when I was 28 and my father a few years later, so I was a lot older than you, but I know that these things take time. You will have weepy days, esp when people are insensitive like with the envelope from school, and that's comepletely normal. I hope you are able to get some further support from a bereavement counsellor or similar group. Take care.

Ooh good news about the housemate. Three weeks but they'll go quickly. Are you still going to your grandparents' for supper?

I am so furious on your behalf about the letter addressed to your parents. I would like to be able to march up to your school and find out what the Head intends to do about her/his incompetent staff. I mean this isn't the first time is it? Also your Form Tutor should have the noddle to check the letters he/she's handing out.

Love motnxxx

Last year Mothers Day (the first since Mum and Dad were killed) was dreadfully hard to cope with but people rallied round to offer me support. This year, with no support, feels worse if anything.

There has been a bit of a change on the university plans. If I get in I would like to live in the Halls of Residence and rent this house out or even sell it. All sorts of reasons but mainly because I think it would be a fresh start and easier to make new friends.

Hi missdis....

So sorry you felt abandoned yesterday, so often this happens...people rally round immediately after a bereavement but then they move on, while you're stuck there. Remember what everyone says, don't be afraid to ask for help, what you're feeling is completely normal. It must be so hard.

Tell us about your Mum and Dad? How old were they? What did they like to do?

Think your idea of living in Uni residence is brilliant. My dd is living in a Uni flat with other girls. They get on really well, are good company for each other, cook meals together, (hold parties together too, of course!). They even find time to study! Have you got conditional/unconditional offers?

My Mum and Dad were both science teachers but worked in different schools. They met on the PGCE course and got married when the course finished. Mum had me quite late (35) and had such a terrible time while she was pregnant that she said "never again". That is why I am their only child. They didn't have many friends (Mum and dad were a bit nerdy) but the ones they did have were very close. I have always been a bit hurt that apart from coming to the funeral none of these friends have ever been in touch with me. Not even a card.

Anywway its the Easter holidays so no school for me except for the extra lessons some teachers are putting on.

Do you know what? Quite suddenly I think I am starting to get over Mum and Dad dying. Perhaps its because I having to plan ahead for exams and uni rather than thinking about the past? Perhaps time gradually makes the pain go away. Anyway for the last couple of weeks I have felt the worst part has finished.

The school staff think I should get the grades I need and I think their positive comments helped me feel better. The university have confirmed that I would get a place in hall even if I live so close to the campus because of "my situation". So I'm 90%+ sure that is what I will do.

My housemate is back living here full time and we help each other when things go wrong. Which they do sometimes.

Hello,

I've heard very positive things about Winston's Wish. They help children and young people deal with bereavement.

Also, you don't have to be suicidal to call the Samaritans, but you will get a friendly and understanding voice to talk to if you're finding things very hard. They will probably also be able to advise you who to contact to find a group near you.

And also CRUSE can offer up to 2 years of free bereavement counselling, which is one-on -one, but they will also help you find a group, or a way of finding some peer support.

Professional help is really valuable, I wish I'd known about getting some support when my Mum died when I was 18. I did see someone much later, and it's really helped me. Wish you all the best, I think you're great xxx

Hi MisDis - it's good to hear from you again :) I'm glad things are generally getting a little bit better, it's small steps isn't and it's more of a wavy line on a generally upward incline that a straight line up. I'm (still) very impressed that you are coping so well with your life with so little support - I can't begin to imagine what you have been through x

Hi there, just found this, I'm new to this area of mumsnet.
Sounds like you're doing remarkably well with organising yourself, but wondered if this might help?
getrevising.co.uk/timetable
My dd is using it to help plan her revision. It's really good and even tells you which areas to revise when, you input your exam details and any other commitments.
My DS1 is in Uni halls this year and has made some really good friends, I'd recommend it. Renting your house out sounds like a good option for a while, but be really sure if you decide to sell it. You must have many happy memories there. Take care.x

Last night I had my first dream about Mum and Dad in ages. Nothing very meaningful but horrid to wake up and realise they were still dead. I tried really hard not to cry but failed again.

If there is a heaven I hope they both realise how hard I have tried to get through my AS and A2's well enough to go on to uni. My Head Teacher and the Head of the Sixth Form keeps telling me it will be OK. I hope they are right.

Not having them around when the results come out will be one of the worst times. Then hopefully I can focus on being a student and not an orphan.

My first written exam is on 13th June - not long now.

MissD - your mum and dad know how hard you are working - I bet they are so proud of you for the way you have coped.

I try to dream of my dear mum............bittersweet isnt it.

Lots of hugs to you and good luck with the rest of your exams xxx

Hi missdis. Your mum and dad surely know how well you're doing and they must be so proud of you.

But it's ok to cry and stuff you know....I hope you're still getting the bereavement support you need. And if you're not getting it, let's have another go at getting some ideas?

Good luck for the exams, will be thinking of you. And rooting for you to get what you want.

Let us know how they go? Please?

p.s. have you looked at the forum on thestudentroom.co.uk? don't know if it's your cup of tea but it's very active especially around exam time.

Sending hugs.

Thank you all for taking an interest in me. A few of my friends seem to have drifted off and I know some parents of the lads at school have even warned their sons about me - I have my own house and nobody to make me behave. Something like that anyway, I try not to bother with it any more.

Sorry if you've already talked about this, I've read your posts but have just lurked really - where abouts do you live, roughly?

I have two DS, one of whom is doing his GCSEs at the moment - his brother is off to university this September - so I have some idea of what it's like in the exam period.

If I can help you in any way, I would love to. I'm in SW London.

Do you drive OP?

Shineon - I have passed my driving test but recently had to sell the car. The insurance was a joke so when I divided the costs of this and petrol by the miles I drove it was over £1 a mile. I use buses or walk now or if my house sharer is feeling kind I sometimes can get a lift into town.

Because - Two local Mumsnetters (who work at the school and so recognised me) do offer me help and the Head of Sixth has been so kind to me.

MissDis - lovely to hear from you again :)

You are doing so well.

Soon you will be out of the school environment and with Uni friends, it will be a lot better.

Dreaming is bitter sweet - just try to hang onto the lovely feelings you had when you were asleep.

I choose to believe there is an afterlife of some kind where I will see my loved ones again. I also choose to believe they can see the things we want them to see now... but not the things we don't I work on the theory that I could be right and even if I'm wrong, I'm not hurting anyone and I'll never know!

Good Luck with your exams!!

Well its a school holidays part of this week and also study leave and less than 2 weeks to my first exam. I know June will decide my future and if I don't get the results I need I'm going to be royally stuffed. All I can keep telling myself is that I have done my best in the circumstances. I think I have probably done more work than if Mum and Dad had not been killed partly because it would seem such a waste if their accident cost me a place at uni.

I do sometimes wonder how I have got through the sixth form. I think some of the school staff deserve a medal for helping me so much. They do say "one day at a time" is the best way to get though coping with a death and I think they are right.

I don't expect I will post again until my exams are over (Monday 27th) so its fingers crossed!

Very good luck, missidsorganised!

Hi missdis
Often think of you and had wondered how you were doing.
Your school staff are not the only ones who deserve a medal - I think you do too.
It's a really tough time at the moment with exams, but you seem to be coping well. DD has done four of hers, and has five more to go - and is now praying that she gets the grades!
Hope the exams are kind to you!

Missdis I have just read this thread and think you have the wrong name! I'm so impressed by your maturity and organisation. Here you are dealing with such a tough situation and such deep grief and setting yourself high academic goals as well. Your Mum and Dad would be so proud of you.Really good luck with the exams.

I do think some of them have it easy. Not much more to do than full time revision and socialising. I have a house to run, shopping and cooking to sort out before revision starts and hardly any spare money for going out with friends. Good training for being a student though.

I'm in the middle of the A2 exams now. More on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and next Monday. The first two which were last week seemed to go OK.

So Mum and Dad if you are looking down on me I'm hanging on in there!

Good luck MissDis. I have been thinking of you this month and will be sending lots of thoughts in the next few days. Great news that the first ones went OK.
If they are up there they will be nudging each other in pride!