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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

37 weeks pregnant and found out yesterday that our baby has died

886 replies

CheeseandGherkins · 03/12/2010 12:17

I'm still totally in shock, as is DH, our little girl has died. I hadn't felt movements since late on Wednesday and when I went in on Thursday they couldn't find a heartbeat with doppler. Sent straight for a scan and there was no heartbeat.

I already have 3 dcs who are so upset but it was DH's first baby.

I have to go in today, in a few hours, for a tablet to start things off but I can come home after an hour apparently and then go back 24 hours or so later (if nothing happens) to start inducement properly.

Does anyone have any experience of this? I'm scared of being induced, which sounds stupid under the circumstances but there it is. How long will it take? First 3 labours were fast, 3 and a half, 3 hours and just over an hour.

I still keep expecting to feel her move but of course she won't. Feels so surreal and that it can't be happening but it is. I was due on Dec 23rd.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
makeminemango · 03/12/2010 12:40

My heart goes out to you, your family and particularly your little girl. Although your heart and head are probably being torn apart, ask to hold your little girl and spend as much time as you need with her. Kiss her, talk to her, be a mother to her. Ask the midwives to take photos of her and maybe a lock of hair so that you can have some mementos of her. You may not want to look at them straight away but you may in a little while. I know i do with my DS. SANDS can help as well. Take care of yourselves.

frakkinup · 03/12/2010 12:40

So, so sorry for your loss. No advice or experience but didn't want this to go unanswered.

Thinking of you all.

goingdownhill · 03/12/2010 12:43

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree · 03/12/2010 12:44

I am so sorry for your loss. Can I second Sands - they are a wonderful organisation and will be able to talk to you through any questions you might have.

Of course you are scared of being induced, especially because of the circumstances, but please try not to worry about the practicalities. Given your previous history of fast labours I would expect them to allow you to stay and I would recommened that you ask for that to happen.

Hard as it is, have a think about what you would like to happen during and after the birth. Pain relief and bathing/dressing your DD etc.

You will be given as much pain relief as you require. When I lost my DS I was given a self administered morphine drip and also had a tube sited for an epidural but didn't require it in the end. I also had gas and air. I found at the time the morphine helped - physically there was less pain and it numbed me mentally as well as allowing me to feel in control of something which was important but I do have some regrets about how much I remember.

Take something to dress and wrap your DD in and a camera. You will be able to spend as much time with her as you wish and your DH should be allowed to spend the night with you in hospital.

I am so sorry you are going through this. My thoughts are with you Sad

OsbegaEthewulf · 03/12/2010 12:44

you poor lamb...I am so dreadfully sorry this has happened to you and your family.

God bless your darling little girl

StealthPolarBear · 03/12/2010 12:46

So sorry about this :(

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree · 03/12/2010 12:49

Just seen your second post.

Please don't torture yourself with thoughts of things you could have done. This was beyond your control.

Take care.

pink4ever · 03/12/2010 12:50

Cheeseand gherkins-Please please do not blame yourself.I promise you nothing you have done/not done with have caused this to happen.Its just a really horrible thing that some very unlucky women like you and I have to go through.
As I mentioned in previous post hospital with help you with the desicion over whether or not to have a post-mortem. We chose too and we got a definitive answer in to why we lost our ds but it is a very personal choice.
Once again you and all your family have my sincerest sympathy x

cherrybea · 03/12/2010 12:51

I'm so so sorry for your loss, your poor little angel. :(

I have no advice on the labour but would strongly recommend having methods of creating lots of memories, camera, video camera, hand prints, foot prints, special clothes, take a lock of hair etc.. The hospital shouldn't rush you and your family's time with her, but unfortunately that time will be short. These memories will bring comfort to you in the future when the time is right to look at them and may be useful for your other dc if you don't want them to meet her now.

My thoughts are with you and your family at this time, god bless your little angel xx

werewolf · 03/12/2010 12:52

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.

AitchTwoOh · 03/12/2010 12:53

oh my love, this is terrible. your poor wee girl... all of you. my love to you, peace be with you.

bumpybecky · 03/12/2010 12:55

so sorry for your loss :(

Xmasfairy7cakes · 03/12/2010 12:58

Sad so sorry for your loss

Pinner35 · 03/12/2010 13:01

So so sorry for your loss. Sadly, I do have experience of this (DD1 was stillborn at 26 weeks). Three years on and I still find it hard to talk about so forgive me for not reliving the experience here. All I will say is, please don't let the hospital send you home. I was given the tablet on a Tuesday evening, told to come back on Thursday.....I ended up with DH delivering our stillborn baby at home in the middle of Wednesday night.

Please don't blame yourself and I would second what others have said in creating lots of memories...they are precious.

My thoughts are with you and your family, much love to you all.

going · 03/12/2010 13:04

I'm so sorry to hear this.

You are going to go through labour which will be both emotionally and physically painful, don't be afraid to take the painkillers they have on offer. You will of course be able to hold your baby but if you don't feel ready the midwives will understand and bring her to you when you are.

WIll be thinking of you and your family.

JetCat · 03/12/2010 13:12

Sad so very very sorry for your loss, will be thinking of you allSad

MABS · 03/12/2010 13:12

my thoughts are with you all x

AngryBeaver · 03/12/2010 13:13

Darling,i am so very sorry.I cannot even begin to imagine your pain.
Best wishes to you xxxxxx

SoupDragon · 03/12/2010 13:14

oh, that's so sad :( truly awful. I can offer no help or advice, only unmumsnetty hugs and sympathy.

DirtyMartini · 03/12/2010 13:17

How awfully, awfully sad for you and your family Cheese. I don't know you but I'm really sorry. I wish there was something more to say :(

littlewish · 03/12/2010 13:30

My thoughts are with you x

LittleYellowTeapot · 03/12/2010 13:35

Thinking of you and your family xxx

Minione · 03/12/2010 16:38

I'm so sorry for your loss, my son Malachy was stillborn at 30 weeks in June of this year. He was my first child so I had no previous experience of labour. I was told that I could have any pain relief I liked, I chose morphine as I felt that this would be best. I don'r really remember the birth as I was so drugged but I don't think I would have coped any other way. I don't think it helped with the pain particularly but it helped mentally.

No words will help at thus time, but knowing friends and family are there for you is a comfort. I think about Malachy everyday and the life we should have had but I know there was nothing I could do to prevent his death. He too was breach, I think it made it a little more difficult but wasn't a problem as such. Being in a private room helps, I spent a lot of time in the private room but had to give birth in a room closer to the ward as there was no emergency equipment in the private room. The staff were very kind to me and made it as easy as they could.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better but there is nothing. However, you will find the strength to get through this. I don't know how I did but somehow you do.

If you want to message me please do. Sending you love and you and your husband are in my thoughts xx

ChickensHaveNoMercyForTurkeys · 03/12/2010 16:41

So sorry to hear this Cheese x

eastendmummy · 03/12/2010 16:52

So so sorry for your loss. This has just happened to my best friend and it is such a tragedy. Take care and sending lots of hugs xxx

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