In memory of my beloved Fraser and all our children.Little buds sown on earth to bloom in heaven

[frasersmummy]

A new haven for us all to say exactly what is in our heart or on our minds knowing that everyone understands and wont judge

Ok...

First I was afraid... I was petrified... thought I could never live without you by my side.. then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong...

Oophs - yes, I think that's where it breaks down as our theme song... I was in the garage the other day, and this came on... and atually I thought - yes - that is a great song... happy... but it makes me cry..

Thank you Lavandes I'm really touched by your post - I'm just an old sentimental cow, that's why I do that stuff. I always think of you as the one doing well... going back to work and cooking for family and all that. Maybe we're both strong women xx

sassy I don't really feel strong I am just better when I am busy. Husband is on the way with grandchildren to stay for a week. They will lift our spirits. Mother of grandchildren decided she is Ok now and does not need to come, or to go to Crem to talk to Richard, will do it another time! I tried to build a bridge but she was probably scared to cross it, probably thought I would blow it up because of the things she has done in the past to piss us off. Never mind ours will be a happy house for a few days. I am in Granny mode!
Take care xx

Have a lovely time with your grandchildren *
Lavandes

Oh LF congratulations!

There is not one poster here that would begrudge you your pregnancy - a new life can only be a good thing. Please, please keep posting my lovely, we are here to support you as Daisy's remember day approaches x

Congratulations again!

Oh LF that is just lovely lovely news - I will be keeping everything crossed for you and wishing you well on your way, congratulations - feel free to spread the baby dust around we could seriously do with some here xx

congratulations lf, fantastic news. sassy sorry online went off earlier,im crap and couldnt get internet on again.
been for cuddles with grandkidsxxx

oh lunatic.. you're a wally - imagine being afraid to share your pregnancy.
Thats fantastic news congratulations.

I hope you know that here more than on any other thread we will be praying for safe outcome for you and the baby.

We have had a few new arrivals on our thread, since we started ... everyone a very special delivery from the stork.

Lunatic - What beautiful news, massive congratulations to you! :o I pray that you have a safe pregnancy and will be thinking of you throughout. :) Please don't be scared of posting here - I can imagine how nervous you'll be now and we're all here to support you in any way we can, with any pregnancy worries and with Daisy's remember day approaching.

Yes it is very hard to have all Belle's things here and not Belle. I don't want them here, but I do - does that make any sense?

But they are only here at my suggestion... its my own fault, I just felt it was a step we should take as I went upstairs in Mum and Dads last week and realised they couldn't move up there for all Belle's things.

Spoken to my brother again today and it seems they are looking to set a date for March/April 2011! That's so soon, but lovely... because I feel happy about it I think it will make a lovely distraction and focus for the next 6 months or so! :) They've been out looking at venues today so we'll see how they get on. They're coming home tomorrow so we can celebrate with them.

DH took the money to his father tonight - it went quite calmly. His Dad tried the sorry act, but DH has told him it is too little, too late and it is done. He also told him he doesn't want to see him for a long time. I don't want to see him ever.

Sassy - proud of you. :) You have been very strong today and I'm glad the service bought you some comfort. I'm going to church on Sunday - I've not been brave enough to go for the first time on my own (DH not wanting to go to church), but as my brother is home for the weekend and he is going to come with me. I hope it brings me some comfort by attending - I'm going to go to Christchurch, Newport (they have a website), which is a sort of non-demoninational Christian church.

lf congratulations (you deserve them) sending you love and hugs for a beautiful healthy baby who will live long and prosper, enjoy your good news.

Grandchildren are here and have already cheered us up. We must not forget that they have lost their Dad but they are brilliant. I don't know how children learn to cope and I would not dream of asking them but they must have a lot to teach us.

They can mention their Dad without being sad which I can't, do you think it is because for them it is in the correct order?

The loved that I feel for them is overwhelming and I am so proud of them. xx

Lunatic - Whooooooooooooo Hoooooooooo so chuffed to piggin' mint balls for you....thats wonderful. Each new baby that is born on our special thread is a tribute to our darling children who are no longer physically here. It reminds us all that the World does keep turning. So thrilled for you.

Lavendes - your DGC see things like all children see them...they see things in black or white....they dont wallow in the grey area in the middle like adults do. Im sure you do talk about their wonderful Dad with them and I hope you talk about long ago when he was a little boy. I know that they must give you hope for the future. I hope that you have a wonderful time with them. There is nothing on this earth like being a Gran......sorry Hazy - that sounded insensitive BUT I know with all my heart that you are still, and will forever be Jaydens Gran xxxxx

Morning girls after my holidays I am stopping drinking!!

HA!!! [GRIN] Shabbs sober??? never...

Morning folks x

Awww Dee I have to Im a soddin' disgrace!!

No you're not.

What you are is fucking fantabulous and don't let anyone ever tell you different, Shabbs.

So there.

here,here,dee, agree with you, shes the best,and i know im always be jayden granny,find out monday whether i get new grandson or new granddaughter, i honestly dont mind either way,as long as its healthy and happy, and grows up to be as wonderful as my other grandchildrenx
lavendas ,enjoy yours,will be thinking of youxxx

ROFL - dont encourage me for Gawds sake!!

Congratulations LF, I'm so happy for you x You really shouldn't have been worried about sharing your wonderful news!

Lavandes, have a lovely weekend with your grandchildren x

I too am a little hungover. Our friends who got married recently bought my husband 2 tickets for a music festival as a favour for taking their wedding photos. I wasn't that keen on going but I'm glad we did. We only had tickets for yesterday as opposed to the whole weekend but we had a nice time. My friend told me that I was looking well, I replied that I don't feel it. He then said ' it's okay to feel happy'. I thought about this and he's right. Nothing is ever going to take the pain away from Malachy dying but I can still feel happy.

Speaking of which, my friend from work has had her baby. I'm so happy for her but it is bittersweet as it's so close to Malachy's due date. I'm glad she texted me and told me, I know she had been worried that she would upset me by mentioning her baby. Silly woman, I'm chuffed for her!

Mini - it was only last night I was thinking of you. I wish you lots of strength for the next few days ahead.

Glad you had a good time at the festival, and yes, your friend is right - it is ok to feel happy. I really feel we need these happy "up" moments, because otherwise we would run out of strength for the much longer sad "low" moments.

You are really gracious to your friend being chuffed for her. I still find hearing about the births of babies difficult - because of course I'm pleased these babies have arrived safely, but I'm ashamed to admit I often feel jealous. I really admire you.

We've got to go out today and buy DH new suit trousers ready for his Mums wedding next weekend. What he needs is a new suit, but he reckons that he's just going to find trousers that match his current suit jacket. Jacket still fits, trousers don't. My brother should be getting home about now too, they left Plymouth at just gone 8 this morning, so going up Mum and Dads to see him and his fiancee and inspect the ring! :)

Just wanted to post this song link:

It really is lovely - I cry everytime I hear it... I've just posted a slide show of Catherine's growing up pics on facebook and used this as the backdrop. Made it this morning, so feeling very weepy.

lunatic I did think about adding my congrads in case people think I am ignoring yoru pregnancy But I suppose I will have to admit to being the nosiest MN on the thread, and that I have known for a while..

lavandes I can talk about Catherine without getting upset and always have been able to - in the eulogy I told funny anecdotes and the people in the church laughed. I think people just grieve differently - as Catherine's death was most certainly in the wrong order. I think your ability to laugh and remember Richard without being sad will come back eventually. xx

Caz, thanks for all your kind words, my friend who has had the baby is the only one I can deal with hearing about. There are about 4 others at work pregnant and I'm dreading going back and having to hear about their newborns. Another member of my department announced her pregnancy on the day I found out malachy had died, everytime I think about her I'm seething with jealousy. I'm also jealous of my friend who has a 9th month old, we are supposed to be going to a BBQ at her house tomorrow but I don't want to see her and her baby tbh.

It's nine weeks today since I gave birth. I'm so happy for my friend but her baby being born has made it even more obvious that my baby isn't here.

Was proved right on the suit this morning - of course we couldn't find matching trousers! Ha! Anyway, DH decided we couldn't afford a new suit right now, so we've hired him one for the day instead.

I'm sat all dressed up, with full make up - I've made more effort for tonight than I did for my cousins wedding. It feels quite nice if I'm honest to look half decent, and its a new dress my Mum bought me a couple of weeks ago. We're off out for a meal as a family for my brothers engagement. I hate that a member of our family is missing... Belle would've made a beautiful mini flower girl too for their wedding. :( I feel so sad.

Waiting for DH to finish his current episode of Star Trek and then we're off...

I wish you all a nice and peaceful evening x x

Sounds like it could be bittersweet evening for you caz. I hope you can find some enjoyment.

Wonderful news LF. Never ever feel bad about a new life on here. After I lost Cole, hereing of the arrival of new babies are what kept me going and made me realise that the world is still turning. Good luck

Had a great day (thought that would never happen). Took kids to Perranporth to see husband's Auntie Shiela and cousin and her grandson Ben. They were brilliant, had picnic lunch at Auntie's house then went to park to play football etc, then to boating lake where husband(grandad) rowed, he is not very good at rowing but kids think it is hilarious, would be boring if he was good. They really looked after us, no pressure. Will treat them to lunch later. So nice to have such lovely kind people in our family.

Wish all of you a peaceful nighgt xxx

You're right Ilike - it has been a bittersweet evening. I'm quite tipsy too...

We are all so excited for my brother - another family wedding but we are also so sad that Belle can't be here to be part of it too... I was asked tonight to be a bridesmaid! This will be my 2nd time being a bridesmaid - my first time was at 2 1/2 years old and I can't remember it! I actually felt excited to be asked. I suppose its events like this in my immediate family that show the world keeps turning. I really wish the world would stop, but of course it won't. I don't begrudge my brother happiness, and so if the world has to keep turning, I can't think of a better happy event to look forward to for our family.

I pray 2011 will be a good year for the Villars/Morgans.... sister is turning 21, DH is turning 30, brother is getting married, who knows what else might happen....

This is the furthest forward I've looked/imagined in a long time, while still making it all painfully aware this is all things Belle should've been part of. :(