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Original poster

Where are my fucking hell shoes, and other delightful phrases from my 3 year old, HEEELP!!

300 replies

gaelicsheep · 02/02/2010 23:41

What have I done? I have been known to swear out loud, in front of him, on occasion but FGS my 3 year old has a mouth like a sewer all of a sudden. I've done all the advising, telling people to ignore, don't rise to it etc. etc. But what if he blurts this out in Tesco, or god forbid at nursery?!

I have to get to bed so I'll leave you lovely ladies to ponder this one and will bump tomorrow if necessary. But someone please reply and tell me he'll forget these words if I ignore him. Please!

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Original poster
gaelicsheep · 05/02/2010 23:55

By clemette Wed 03-Feb-10 12:46:50

I don't like stupid because it is demeaning. I also don't like nasty.

You can use the Find tool

I try not to say anything DS does is stupid, because I am trying to eliminate that particular word as well. I try to use silly instead. He's too young to get the difference being calling a thing stupid and calling a person stupid. I don't have a problem with nasty.

OP posts:
Paolosgirl · 05/02/2010 23:56

Agree with mrsruffalo - we've got 3 kids aged 12, 10 and 2. Neither of us swear in front of them - the only time I've ever sworn is once 4 years ago when a van crashed into us and I screamed shit. The kids were amazed - they talk about that more than the crash! It's not like we're chilled, laid back, lentil weavers who never lose our tempers - in fact, nothing could be further from the truth, but swearing in front of them is a no-no, which makes it easier for us to put consequences in place if they ever swear. I'd hate to hear the 2 year old swear - it wouldn't be funny at all.

I don't get those of you who say it's just a word - words are incredibly powerful.

Original poster
gaelicsheep · 06/02/2010 00:00

So you admit then that in exceptional circumstances you have been known to swear in front of your children in the heat of the moment.

OP posts:
wahwah · 06/02/2010 00:06

In my case it's more about an acceptance that my `ds swearing today is a consequence of my behaviour and there's not much I can do to change that, other than do things differently.

However, I don't see it as as being completely dreadful. I would be far more ashamed if I had ever hit him and he went on to hit another child. Actually my ds is 4, so it's been a long time coming and perhaps he's not that bright!

I also do not have any problem in telling him that he can't swear, whatever he hears going on around him. HE sees us drinking the odd glass of wine and that is a behaviour he cannot copy either.

Paolosgirl · 06/02/2010 00:09

Once in 12 years when a van crashed into our car with us all in it, which I suggest is fairly extreme. Others on here have sworn because they've stubbed a toe or dropped something - these are not really exceptionel circumstances though, are they? Def. not something that I think would merit swearing in front of your children for - not if you don't want them swearing for the same reasons.

Original poster
gaelicsheep · 06/02/2010 00:13

My recent circumstances that caused me to be a bit sweary were pretty extreme as well, together with being prolonged thus causing stress and frustration to build up inside me until I, unfortunately, exploded. It didn't stop me from being lambasted as a terrible parent though.

Wahwah - your approach is all wrong I'm afraid. You need to travel back in time and stop yourself from swearing to begin with - it's the only way. Accepting your mistake and trying to deal with it just doesn't cut the mustard here.

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MoreCrackThanHarlem · 06/02/2010 00:33

'' I'd like to bet that 90% of people who claim to have never, ever sworn in front of their chidren in the heat of the moment are exercising selective memory loss. Perhaps their chidren just aren't as quick at picking things up as ours are, eh?''

Yes, hand on heart, I have never sworn in front of my 9yo dd.
If it gives you satisfaction to believe I am lying, go ahead.
I suppose believing it's unacheivable to simply not do it allows you to feel better about your own lack of control.

And kitkat, I'm sorry, I will rephrase my post.
I would be mortified if shit was my baby's second word

There's a real pack mentality on this thread, 'join the fold, don't believe those 'witch finder Generals' who God forbid disagree.'

Original poster
gaelicsheep · 06/02/2010 00:38

Well then, you clearly lead a charmed life compared with us mere mortals. Count yourself lucky.

And yes, I do think you're probably deluding yourself. Nobody remembers every word they have ever said over the course of 9 years. Even my ever so strict and upright parents - who I would never, ever swear in front of - accidentally swore in front of me on occasion when I was a child.

Unless you really do never, ever swear at all, children or no children. That I find easier to believe, and I envy anyone who has gone through their entire life without ever picking up a bad word.

OP posts:
Kitkatqueen · 06/02/2010 03:20

crack

You have simply proven my point. I said that "sorry but" wasn't sorry at all and now you are repeating it without the sorry. Clearly you are one of the few people who come on here totally uncaring of other people. I'm not. Online or off I try very hard to treat other people as I would wish to be treated. You think that there is a pack mentality, but there isn't, we all have our own opinions - we don't all inflict them on other people unecessarily. I'm not 'mortified' that my dd said shit, she was 6 months and babbling but thats what it sounded like to me and quite frankly I do think it was funny.

The actual context was me trying to submit my tax return on my then decrepid computer and it repeatedly crashing, me saying shit in a panicked voice each time because it had to be submitted that day, it crashed again and she said shit.

maybe you had to be there.

You've been on mn for a while now You must realise that being on here is no real difference to having a rl conversation other than you get slightly longer to think about a problem / what you want to say. Maybe you need to think a bit more before you type. You are not coming across as a particularly nice person on this thread.

mortified? I would be at your rudeness.

Paolosgirl · 06/02/2010 08:17

Gaelic - I haven't led a charmed life, don't consider myself to be more than a mere mortal, and don't count myself as particularly lucky. I can also assure you that neither dh nor I have sworn in front of the kids, despite what you continue to claim - just as I can claim never to have said "ALex Salmond is a great leader" or "I like liver"!

If other people want to swear in front of their kids, and it seems from this thread that plenty do - then either take the 'don't do as I do do as I say" approach, try and stop, or take the more laid back 'it's going to happen anyway' approach, then that's up to them. We take a different approach, which is to have decided 12 years ago that we wouldn't swear in front of them. I really don't like it, and have been quite surprised that anyone would find it funny to hear their 2 year old swearing, tbh.

GibbonInARibbon · 06/02/2010 08:35

I do swear but can honestly say have never done it when DD is around. I hate to hear children swear and am at it sounding 'cute'.

To be fair gs you asked for advice and when you did not like what you heard you got all defensive and snippy. You really should make a note in the title if you only wanted people to say 'awwwww bless'.

Goblinchild · 06/02/2010 09:07

I'm more amused by the idea that giving an opinion is instantly taken to mean that you are judging someone else in a negative light.
As if I'd said 'I never drink coffee, it's disgusting. I only drink Earl Grey tea' automatically meant that I was judging all coffee drinkers as disgusting.
One of the reasons th`t I am civil to my SIL rather than friendly is that she always leaps on opinions in this manner, and she's just too much like hard work to want a close relationship with.
So, I don't swear at work, or at home. Sometimes in written messages, like on here.
My children don't swear in my hearing and never have, nor has anyone told me that they do.
How is that judging anyone else?
Paranoia Central?

mrsruffallo · 06/02/2010 09:24

You find this a lot on MN. If you disagree with something the OP has done you are either lying, being patronising or have a superiority complex.
Dh and I have sworn at each other certainly, but never in front of the children. I don't find it cute to hear toddlers swear.

Did you just want everyone to say 'oh, that is so hilarious, my 18 month old called me a silly bitch the other day, ha ha ha'

mrsruffallo · 06/02/2010 09:29

Just read the beginning of this thread-gosh, you were all hard on goblin child weren't you?

Goblinchild · 06/02/2010 09:33

Goblinchild has broad shoulders, degrees in English and Psychology and a keen interest in anthropology, She find the study of her fellow humans endlessly fascinating.

mrsruffallo · 06/02/2010 09:38

Stuck Up Cow

Goblinchild · 06/02/2010 09:43

My Aspie and I study people, so that he can function in mainstream and sidestep most of the mines. And I'm endlessly curious at looking at things from another perspective. Not to agree, just to try and see what they're seeing and why it's different to my way of seeing.
Not stuck up, nosy.
And not emotionally involved.

Paolosgirl · 06/02/2010 09:54

I think you'll find that should be Fucking Stuck Up Cow, MrsR

Original poster
gaelicsheep · 06/02/2010 10:35

On the contrary, all I was hoping for was a little solidarity and some helpful solutions and reassurance from people who'd been there. I should have known better - these are Mumsnetters I'm talking about after all.

Next time anybody starts a thread on this site about something they've done, that they know they shouldn't have, I'm just going to post that they shouldn't have done it in the first place. That's obviously much better than my usual approach of offering sympathy for their predicament and helpful solutions.

There's no point telling me you disagree with what happened. I disagree with what happened, you see? You all know this - I have said it many, many times - so you are taking pleasure in rubbing salt in the wound which isn't a nice quality to have, is it?

I'm very happy with the parent I am and I'm very glad that my son will grow up to be a well balanced human being who knows that it is very wrong to judge others until we have walked a mile in their shoes. And that it's wrong to make somebody feel even worse than they already do just for your own warped satisfaction.

OP posts:
GreenMonkies · 06/02/2010 10:44

I'm only human too. But I don't swear at or in front of my kids. I'm actually really anal about it (see, I admit it! ) since we lived on the edge of a fairly rough council estate and one of our neighbours did nothing but screech and wear at her children (which have since been taken into care) and it made me incredibly conscious of my language when I'm around my kids. I do cuss fluently and spectacularly inside my head, but not audibly.

So, at the risk of sounding like Goblinchild and being universally hated, you reap what you sow. If your children are swearing it's because they've heard other people (probably you!) using that language. Stop doing it yourself and hopefully they'll stop too.

Original poster
gaelicsheep · 06/02/2010 10:49

Some on here have suggested they go out of earshot to swear. When you are living on top of each other in a building site with one habitable room and 3 of you sharing a "bedroom" along with bookshelves and a piano, that's a bit difficult.

Anyhow, I'm wasting my time. No doubt someone will come back to tell me that they spent five years living in a touring caravan with ten children in Siberia and still never uttered anything other than pleasantries in the earshot of their kids.

Empathy - now there's a nice trait to teach your children.

OP posts:
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 06/02/2010 10:53

At last some sensible posts

The reason I may have been fairly aggressive on this thread is that from the start, anyone, in the first instance Goblinchild, who put forward an alternative view was jumped on.

Find it baffling that you think my life is charmed, particularly in a horrible month where my family is really struggling with various issues.

I will repeat- I am not lying, I do not have selective memory, I simply do not swear in front of my daughter, grandparents or at work ( I work with children).
I do swear at my husband and when with my friends.

You are trying to absolve yourself of responsibility by claiming this is impossible.
I said I thought this thread was hideous, and what I meant by that was the assertion that a child saying fucking hell was 'cute' or 'funny'.
It really isn't.

Perhaps I was rude, but it was in response to some particularly rude posts aimed at Goblinchild.

I am sorry if I offended anyone, however I stand by the sentiments of my posts.
I

Original poster
gaelicsheep · 06/02/2010 10:55

Did you read my previous post GreenMonkies? About how I know that already?

The reason I might have got a bit snippy on this thread is because I cannot contain myself when people state the obvious and call it advice!

OP posts:
GreenMonkies · 06/02/2010 10:58

gaelicsheep I do empathise, really I do. As I said, I swear massively insode my head, I just don't say it out loud when I'm with my children (or at work in front of patients).

I don't have a selective memory or a charmed life of any kind. I just watch my mouth! Little Elephants have big ears......

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 06/02/2010 11:05

'I'm very glad that my son will grow up to be a well balanced human being who knows that it is very wrong to judge others until we have walked a mile in their shoes.'

So I am the one who is offensive and aggressive, yet you feel qualified to insinuate that my dc will grow up to be judgemental and unbalanced?