Threatening a misbehaving child with a cold shower

[Bonsoir]

I just witnessed DD's class teacher having a word at pick-up time with someone who I think is the grandmother of another girl in DD's class. The teacher was obviously very angry about this little girl's misbehaviour because she was raising her voice a bit and looked very cross.

Two minutes later the grandmother was telling the little girl off good and proper - so much so that the child had a screaming meltdown tantrum on the pavement opposite school. Grandmother hit the little girl and threatened her with a cold shower.

Poor, poor little girl. She is adopted and has some developmental/behavioural issues. But that doesn't seem like the right way to go about helping her overcome them...

NO, that is odd.
Why would you give a child a cold shower? That is very bootcamp/army training, hardly nurturing.

jeeeezosss that's so mean. I like it though. might use it for my 7 yo if things get bad enough.

For a 5 year old, though? One with all sorts of "issues"?

Maybe she meant if the tantrum continued? I'm thinking of a thread quite a while ago where a mum at the end of her tether sprayed cold water on her child to shock her out of a tantrum that had got massively out of control.

Hitting/smacking isn't as vilified here as it is in the UK - I have witnessed nannies smacking children for no good reason in a toy shop and no-one (but me) seemingly batting an eyelid.

But what I saw this afternoon seemed unusually harsh to me, not like any sort of parenting/childcare I would normally see at DD's school.

A 5 year old?

No, that is not at all right.

I have two very boisterous boys of around the same age, no matter how bad things get I wouldn't dream of giving them a cold shower as a punishment.

I have never heard of any civilised person using cold showers as a punishment.

No that is hideous.

If that woman is prepared to be so nasty to a little girl in public I can't imagine how she behaves behind closed doors.

That is horrible. Poor child.

It's not really my business, is it?

OTOH, the teacher definitely has to deal with this child (and I hear from DD and from the dinner lady, who I know well, that she finds meeting the behavioural norms of the classroom a real challenge) and what happened this afternoon won't have helped anyone one little bit.

But Bonsoir, being treated like that by the very people who are supposed to be caring and loving her is hardly going to help the poor little girls behaviour is it?

I would mention it to the teacher, or even the dinner lady. It isn't a normal punishment, especially not for a 5 year old.

Since what you saw was the direct follow-up to the teacher speaking to the grandmother, and assuming the teacher didn't see it herself, then I think I would quietly tell the teacher what I'd seen and heard. Because I think the teacher needs to know that this is the kind of thing which is happening to the child - she might perhaps deal with behavioural issues herself without involving the grandmother, if she agrees that the grandmother over-reacted in a way which is not going to help the situation.

Even if this isn't something where your equivalent of social services would be called in, I think it would help the teacher to know about it.

I think the teacher/school are perfectly aware of this little girl's issues; I'm not sure that they can advise her parents on how they parent. And who am to tell the teacher that she should have avoided (a) humiliating further the little girl who had already misbehaved in front of all her classmates by giving her grandmother what for in front of her (b) provoking the grandmother into the telling off that set off the tantrum and escalation I witnessed?

Everyone seems to be handling this pretty abysmally, but I'm not sure I'm in any kind of authority position to comment on it to the perpetrators. Or am I? So hard, I am sure this little girl isn't getting the support she needs.

Informing the school of what you saw is very different to offering advice.
Someone needs to know what is happening to this little girl outside of school. It may help them to understand her behaviour inside the classroom.

I think if you word it carefully, you can do it without criticising the teacher - you are simply saying that you were aware that she had a conversation with the grandmother, and that, after she was out of sight/earshot you heard the grandmother shout at the child and threaten her with a cold shower. You are merely reporting this to her so that she is aware of the grandmother's behaviour. You don't have to say what you thought of her side of the earlier conversation, or even let on that you have any idea what they were discussing.

Thanks. I'm going to sleep on it.

I think you are over reacting OP. I am sure it was an empty threat that was supposed to indicate to the child how over the top her reaction (i.e. the tantrum) was.

A tantrum is not the expected response to a telling off.

As so often, thedolly, you seem to know far more about what went on than the person who was there at the time and observed things .

Are you a medium?

Wrong again Anna.

So, if you are not a medium, on what basis do you draw your conclusion?

You do this kind of thing again, and again, and again, thedolly. Do you realise how silly it makes you sound?

Oh and FWIW I think the teacher's behaviour was reprehensible. Presumably she too is aware of the child's issues?

Read the thread.