Threatening a misbehaving child with a cold shower

[Bonsoir]

I just witnessed DD's class teacher having a word at pick-up time with someone who I think is the grandmother of another girl in DD's class. The teacher was obviously very angry about this little girl's misbehaviour because she was raising her voice a bit and looked very cross.

Two minutes later the grandmother was telling the little girl off good and proper - so much so that the child had a screaming meltdown tantrum on the pavement opposite school. Grandmother hit the little girl and threatened her with a cold shower.

Poor, poor little girl. She is adopted and has some developmental/behavioural issues. But that doesn't seem like the right way to go about helping her overcome them...

Do you realise how silly it makes you sound to say to a grown woman 'do you realise how silly it makes you sound?'?

A social worker I know told me that some children he knew of were punished with cold baths. They considered this abuse and rightly so IMO

paulaplumpbottom - that's interesting. That was my gut reaction - that it is abusive behaviour. But I didn't want to colour the OP with my gut reaction - I wanted to see what others thought.

Bonsoir - I also think you should mention it to the teacher.

Can u be more specific in terms of her being hit?

Yes, this is abusive behaviour, even to 'just' threaten.

The little girl was lying on the pavement, bottom down, screaming and kicking, and the grandmother hit her on her side/bottom. She then dragged her across the pavement away from the roadside towards the hedge.

What, you thought someone might come on here and say it was OK for the Grandmother to follow through on her threat?

I can make a correct judgement of the teacher and her behaviour without needing any special powers. Why do you then assume my 'judgement' of the Grandmother's behaviour is so off?

AFAIK it is not abusive to say to a child 'I shall put you under a cold shower if you continue to behave like that'. Especially when there is not a shower in sight. It wasn't a great thing for the Grandmother to say but I'm guessing she was a bit stressed out what with the prying eyes and all.

So, she should have left her by the roadside?

i would talk to the teacher. I don't intervene often.... but that sounds awful. Like an old woman totally ill-equipped to deal with an unhappy child, and just basically abusing her to try and control her. I would have been sad to see it and it would have played on my mind. Does the child's mother know that the grandmother is basically not up to the job I wonder!

That's an unusual threat. I think there's a possibility it's something she has done or would do. If not, it's pretty off to even threaten it (never mind the hitting).

i don't know about france, but in uk when children are adopted the family seem to receive no support from anyone, unless they seek it. a lady i know in uk has adopted a child and i am sure she has suffered from depression ever since(apparently a form of post natal depression can occur just as it can after giving birth). just wondered if there is some equivalent to health visitor over there who maybe you could make aware of your concerns. they could then liase with family/school. you then would at least feel that you have done something.

molk, the OP could have done something at the time. The phrase 'Would you like some help?' springs to mind.

How the Grandmother reacted to that would have been a bit more insightful than all this flogging guess work.

I think you should say something. Dragging her across the pavement sounds pretty bad to

Pixie - yes I do care. I would have offered assistance at the time.

dolly - well she didn't, so what to do now, is the question.

I think that everyone around was trying to be discreet, in fact, and not draw yet more attention to the scene.

But I think that probably the teacher ought to know what the consequences were. Oh God, that poor child. As you say, the grandmother is probably ill-equipped to deal with her.

thedollyridesout, I would never go and ask if someone needs some help when their child was mid-tantrum, goodness knows I have been embarrassed enough when one of my boys has been in full flow, without anyone basically saying I couldn't cope.

I do understand what you are saying, but I truly think that a cold shower/bath is akin to locking in a cellar/cupboard, the sort of punishment that you get in those maudlin "A Child called It" type books.

I don't think I would have intervened at the time but I would definitely be having a word wth the Teacher.

Bonsoir - for a bit of context - the first (and only) time I saw an adult slap a child's face was in Paris. This was a long time ago, mind. Is it more acceptable (less unacceptable?) to manhandle dcs in public there?

It's abuse IMO. A little girl in the US was scalded to death because her father and stepmother made her lie in a very very hot bath, and I read somewhere that they had previously used very very cold ones. Who knows where it will go?

For the person who mentioned using it to "shock" them out of a tantrum, that's different I suppose. If DS was having a tantrum in the kitchen I might squirt him with the kitchen sprayer just to see what he'd do...but probably not! But actually putting a child in a cold shower seems OTT to me.

Yes, it is definitely "more acceptable" to manhandle in public. But today's incident was very unusual.

This little girl clearly has behavioural/developmental issues. But they don't seem to be being handled very appropriately.

Please mention it to the teacher. As a teacher I probably wouldn't do anything, but I would keep it in mind & record it just in case any other issues occur later on.

Then if there were any future behaviour issues, I would phone the parent & speak to them directly rather than talk to the grandmother in future.

Thanks, YoMoJo.

Everyone was obviously not trying to be discreet. A Grandmother at her wit's end with a child who has known behavioural issues - that is the height of it.

Wise up people.