Threatening a misbehaving child with a cold shower

[Bonsoir]

I just witnessed DD's class teacher having a word at pick-up time with someone who I think is the grandmother of another girl in DD's class. The teacher was obviously very angry about this little girl's misbehaviour because she was raising her voice a bit and looked very cross.

Two minutes later the grandmother was telling the little girl off good and proper - so much so that the child had a screaming meltdown tantrum on the pavement opposite school. Grandmother hit the little girl and threatened her with a cold shower.

Poor, poor little girl. She is adopted and has some developmental/behavioural issues. But that doesn't seem like the right way to go about helping her overcome them...

I am saying that the Grandmother was having difficulty coping and could probably have done with a bit of help.

Do you usually rush to intervene when you see tantrumming children, thedolly? Especially when the parent/other carer involved has just had an earful from the teacher? Do you not try to avoid embarrassing them even further and discreetly turn the other way?

Of course I do not know whether or not the Grandmother was going to set about the child with a cold shower as soon as they got through the door. I very much doubt that she was. It is not something you would broadcast.

I tend to think that if you can't control yourself in public, then most likely, worse things are happening when no-one is around ...

It is the combination of 'Grandmother' and 'child with known behavioural issues' that would have led me to offer assistance - in the nicest possible way of course.

"I very much doubt that she was."

You cannot possibly have this opinion, thedolly. You don't know anything about the people concerned.

I think threatening a child with a cold shower (and assuming it wasn't an empty threa) is terrible, and actually punishing a 5yr old with a cold shower is abuse. Terrible.

Even if it was an empty threat, that is pretty poor parenting (grandparenting) style too, children don;t know they are empty threats after all do they?

Neither does anyone else on the thread yet you are happy for them to agree with you.

thedolly I doubt the grandmother would have appreciated any 'help' from Bonsoir or anyone else at this stage. She would have viewed it as interfering.

You aren't agreeing or disagreeing, thedolly - you are speculating. Do you understand the difference?

I don't think the Grandmother was at her best OMDB.

blimey bonsoir, dolly's really rubbed you up the wrong way

I think that mad threats are often made and of course aren't going ot be followed up - how many of us have said 'hurry up - come on, I'm leaving, you don't want to be left behind!' And how many of us have carried that one through?

But I'm inclinedt o agree with with jamie - if she thinks it's acceptable to behave that way in public, then God knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Speak to the teacher - others may have done so before you.

I prefer to call it empathising.

Actually, I agree with thedolly. I think you are overreacting to what could easily have been an idle threat. I often threaten to sell my children to the goblins/lock them in the underground bunker/leave them somewhere when they are misbehaving/rinse their hair with cold water ("chill or thrill"). I have even had to drag them across the floor in order to move them out of the way. They are not abused children.

You accuse thedolly of speculating which is precisely what you are doing by assuming the grandmother regularly sticks the child under a cold shower etc.

I have assumed nothing of the sort!

You are assuming she was going to do it,.

Hmm.

We know a family who used to do this to their 2 yr old regularly (we didn't have kids at the time but still thought it was pretty odd).

My BIL and SIL were threatening to do this last year to our niece when she had been tantrumming for an hour. (2 yrs old)

It scared us a bit.

On the other hand I have been known to drag a tantrumming child along by the hood/hand if he is about to run out in front of cars etc.

And I would agree that smacking/slapping is fairly commonplace here.

I'm not sure I would intervene after one incident though, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have said anything at the time.

Absolutely not! Read the thread, SoupDragon - you are the one who is speculating now!

I agree Pixie that it is all a matter of conscience. As I have said, I would have offered assistance.

Given that this is a real situation, thedolly, what do you think might be a useful course of action (rather than giving your opinion of what you would have done had you been in the situation described that was past at the time of the OP)?

It's all very well to be smug after the event about what you would have done. Imagine, however, that you were unable to offer assistance for some reason. Would you still feel comfortable with the scenario? For once, I find myself agreeing with Bonsoir. How can you be
'sure it was an empty threat.'?

You can't. Hopefully it was, but is it correct to make that assumption and to act accordingly?

Ah - x-post with OP.