Threatening a misbehaving child with a cold shower

[Bonsoir]

I just witnessed DD's class teacher having a word at pick-up time with someone who I think is the grandmother of another girl in DD's class. The teacher was obviously very angry about this little girl's misbehaviour because she was raising her voice a bit and looked very cross.

Two minutes later the grandmother was telling the little girl off good and proper - so much so that the child had a screaming meltdown tantrum on the pavement opposite school. Grandmother hit the little girl and threatened her with a cold shower.

Poor, poor little girl. She is adopted and has some developmental/behavioural issues. But that doesn't seem like the right way to go about helping her overcome them...

I'm going to ask her for a private meeting btw - not talk to her in public.

And the park? To ask or not to ask, that is the question?

I'm guessing 'no' . Go on, surprise me .

It has been a thought provoking thread and led to some one on one husband/wife chat that doesn't always happen in the evenings . For that I am grateful - thank you!

I'm off - out to tea at Mariage Frères with a girly friend!

Chat later!

Oh merde! I've been saying "bonjour" to all the other mums in ds class....didn't know I was doing it all wrong! Perhaps the rules are different here in the 'burbs! A couple have said "Hello" (in English )to me and one has invited ds for tea so doesn't look like I'm ostracised quite yet...must practice non-comittal blank expression more!

TBH Bonsoir very tricky situation - I think I'd be watching covertly in future to see if it seemed to be a one-off...talking to teacher can't do any harm though I'd have thought.

Do you have some sort of parent representative group who could talk about the whole parent-teacher communication thing at a higher level?

Finally, off-topic totally, do you recommend any of the marches aux puces as worth a visit?

Ahh, just realised PA is prob. Parent assoc, so you've already done that...Maybe you need a more strident PA rep...Go on Anna you could sort them out...!

Yes, it took me a while in London to realize that "hi, howaya" does not actually require an answer, and that I very often were standing bemused looking at the backside of the person who had just said this, while I thought "how rude not to stop and listen to the answer!"

Marché aux Puces - I haven't been for a while, not since I was a single girl who lived in a boudoir with lots of delicate furniture! But I have bought lots of things in the Clignancourt antiques markets over the course of my life.

roar at this thread

Sorry I missed this thread - it is VERY interesting and terribly sad.

My gut feeling is that this is a symptom of two diseases firstly the Granny's 'old skool' parenting style and secondly the closed door policy of the school.

If the school in question were to be a little more - "Oh could you just pop in for a second..." for positive (e.g - look at this lovely picture your dd/ds/charge drew today) as well as concerns then scenes like this would be almost unheard of!

IMHO it is likely to be because she had an audience that the Grandma felt the need to visably punish the child so much thinking in her eyes she was keeping face.

On-top of this, IMHO, it is because the teacher had an audience and it was outside that she lost command of the situation. Inside with no audience she perhps would have been able to support the Granny into finding a way to move forward and allow the child to find atonement for her misdemeanour.

Alongside these points it is worth remembering that this Granny didn't know that perhaps yesterday the girl made a good job of her maths work (because the school doesn't tell you things like this) all she gets is big concerns and very negative things and the teacher doesn't know perhaps the little girl was up all night because of nightmares or maybe isn't eating well (because there isn't really a way of passing this info on easily) and the situation becames so loaded with half truths about a whole child that it becomes simply a mess that with a sprinkle of 'old skool' parenting becomes violent too!

What is sad is that it sounds like this little girl needs support, and lots of it, rather than cold showers of any kind(metaphoric or very scary sounding real ones).

Bonsoir, what was the outcome of your chat with the teacher?

Anna, did you follow the Typhaine story at all?

Sorry, I've just come back to this thread.

Outcome was that I told the head of the Parents' Association what was going on; she talked to the headmistress, who took everything very seriously indeed, and has since spoken to the teacher. According to the head of the PA, the headmistress is very aware indeed of this little girl's problems.

I googled the Typhaine story, OSOTC. Awful.

She was a 5 year old French girl killed last year by the cold shower she was given as punishment for wetting the bed.