Can you lot help me with a new strategy for mealtimes because the whole experience is becoming utterly objectionable for all concerned.

[Slubberdegullion]

I can feel my gut twisting up into a ball of tension before every meal time because I know it is all going to be fraught.

Every meal (apart from breakfast) regardless of what I serve is met with a constant stream of moaning, whining, complaints, up and down from the table like a bride's nightie and then finishes with THEM setting goals for themselves

"I'm going to have two more mouthfuls and then it's pudding"

How did it all get so unpleasant? I have obiously made a grave error somewhere along the way. They hate eating and I hate cooking for them and then sitting with them while they protest at how ghastly it all is.

I need to start again I think.

They are 4 and 5. The 4 yo is a fussy bugger, the 5 yo is somewhat better but has her 500m badge in whining.

that soup sounds lovely! Send it over to me if DD doesn't want it.

I tried the bowls at lunch but it wasn't terribly successful

• their arms are too short to reach across the table, so they kept climbing out of highchairs onto the table to help themselves, which drives me insane (and is very bad manners!)
• they thought it great fun to tip the contents of the bowls onto their plates
• and then carefully take out every carrot stick and lay them on the table, then place them carefully back in the bowl again

I think they probably ate the same as if the food had been plated, but annoyed me more with the messing around.

Is 2.3 yrs too young to do the family bowls thing? Should I leave it until they are old enough to understand how it works? Which is when?!?!(I did explain you had to eat everything on your plate, but they just put it back in the bowl again so it wasn't on their plate. hmmmph)

Perhaps leave until we have a picnic again.

The staying calm was good though. But I did need a glass of wine at dinner

Oh good god please help!!!!

Have just discovered thread - is wonderful.

But

The other day I gave in to DS (4) freak-out because strawberries and ice cream came in the same bowl as opposed to bowl with sections for Obsessive Compulsive Food Separation.

I know it was the wrong thing to do. But my reasoning went thus:

Present said pudding (he loves both elements).
Pouty scrunchy face.
Says I "That's your pudding, there's nothing else"
Monumental tantrum
I worry that I am making An Issue so separate bloody food.
Happy child

DS has been calling the shots since he was a year old.

After a period where I completely lost it I went for the Giving Them What They Want method. So DS has a revolving menu of:

Pasta and pesto with chicken and spinach
Fish finger/Sausages/Chicken a la Goujon with rice and brocolli (nibbled)
Homemade pizza (with a secret sauce containing lentils)
Tuna/cheese/ham sandwich
Fruit
etc etc etc

His diet is healthy but I am stuck in a rut of presenting these meals because I can't bear to go back to the gnashing of teeth/alcoholism that ensued when I was just giving him family meals.

I have to change things. The strawbs/ice cream debacle has galvanised me - as has this thread.

I'm In.

penona . I had forgotten (or blanked out) that phase, oh it is fun isn't it? [pained .

Maybe they are too young for the bowls, although I think the key is the keeping calm though. Picnics (the indoor kind) were, and still are always very popular here too.

Hello Rabbit how goes it with you? Glad to hear the thread has galvanised you into action.

Today they ate a big portion of chicken mushroom pasta, and had seconds (DD usually picks out all the meat from a sauce). BUT I had to do silly 'goth' style dancing to the Cure while they ate. They were laughing so much they kept putting the food in and not noticing.

I am not sure this is a Good Development. On the plus side it might keep me fit and entertain my neighbours.

I have been enjoying this thread - hope it's still live. I am definitely going to apply the strategies here (from Moondog et al) when DS is bigger (currently 10m BLW - and no food problems whatsoever but give it time i'm sure)

BUT what do you do if you don't have a table? We have an open plan reception (aka - kitchen squeezed in corner of living room and no dining room) - I have a fold down dining table which is brought out when friends come to dinner but I can't see me bringing it out every evening once DS is too big for his highchair.

My DH and I eat in front of the TV on the sofa and DS is in highchair. I love the serving bowls idea but cannot see how this will work. Putting it out in the kitchen is not a plan as he will be too short to reach.

Any ideas?

Oh yes thread still live ond ongoing Belle .

umm umm...one of those tall bar stools up against the work surface?

Just found this thread from another thread... really excellent advice. One thing I would like to add that we do is when the kids (DS 4 and DD 1) eat earlier than us, I read to them at the table. Kind of distracts them from what they're eating a bit, and also enables me to subtly (sp?) stop reading if DS hasn't eaten anything for a while, and look pointedly at his plate. He normally gets the hint.

I really needed to find this thread. DS is 2.8 and ate well until he was about 14 months old, then started rejecting more and more things until his diet became extremely limited.

Today his supper was chicken breast with a tortilla and cheese topping and baked chips. He ate about 1/2 chip then demanded weetabix. I refused and he had a massive tantrum. About an hour later he was still hungry so I gave him the weetabix.

Now I see where I'm going wrong, and I'm going to adopt the MN methods starting tomorrow. DS would happily live on weetabix, yoghurt, fromage frais and junk in frozen packets but I WILL change him. Watch this space.

This is a great thread. We've always done "There's dinner, eat it or don't" and DS is a pretty good eater so far (he's 2.7)

He's always wanted to be fed though so we're working on getting him using his own fork and spoon before I start introducing serving bowls. DH and I joined him for a yoghurt after dinner tonight for the first time (after he ate all of his own dinner and some of mine!) which he usually refuses to even attempt to spoon himself and he ate 90% of it all by himself!!

Absolutely convinced by the whole setting example thing now

Hoping that having DS in fairly good habits will help when the DD we're expecting is ready for food

REPORT

at first there were ructions

Firstly, the rules were explained to DD (8).

Followed by the food. lovely, healthy tasty home cooked kiddy grub. Yum yum.

Followed by the usual non eating of/picking at/sneering at of said food by DD, BUT without any drama or comment from us.

Followed by the inevitable 'i'm hungry' and demand for snacks 30 mins later - to be met with a calm NO

Followed by strops and 'you don't care if I STARVE to death' and stompings upstairs with loud noisy put on tears. Without any comment or drama from us.

This went on for a week ... less the second week ... and then ... and then

SUCCESS - she clears her plate now without any comment from her OR us and mealtimes are lovely again!!!

Thank you THREAD - you are the best! :-)

How fantastic mrshibbins! Nice to know that it works-it just shows that you need to stick it out, even if it looks as if it isn't working.It is nothing to do with food-it is a power struggle and you won!

Well done Mrs H! That is great news.
I have also started reading to my two (2.4) during dinner, or telling them a story with actions (thank god our kitchen isn't overlooked!) if I am not eating with them, they sort of get distracted into eating plus we also have a fun atmosphere, not a shouty one.

In fact I find eating with them often makes the meals even worse, I have to wolf my food down in between helping them/wiping up spills/etc and they get bored quicker than when I am telling stories! Grrr.

DD (22 mo) has, after always beeing a good eater, jsut started to go into a food funk and I'm fainlty wondering whether I have to do something about it.

I have basically no rules, she always had lots of snacks between meals, and I never cared how much or little she eats at meal times...I figured she'd know, and usually she eats a lot for one meal and less at the two others, which is fine with me. SHe is very tall and very thin for her age, hence the snacks. Also, I'm a bad grazer, so can't really deny her snacks I'm eating.

The last few days she has more or less stopped eating much at all- she likes a cereal breakfast with her dad, then pretty much ignores the other meals (even favourites).
Asking for cookies (she just learned the word) and chocolate (which I unwittingly introduced as a bribe for long car rides)has become somewhat of a nuisance, followed by tantrums when not given (I'm not giving in to tantrums anyway, but she still gets cookies sometimes). Also, yesterday we had friends and their same-age dd over and my dd didn't want to stay at the table with us, which was an unpleasant first. Then she eventually came back, requested to sit on miscellanous laps and picked at the food on the plates of the lap's owners.

Am I in the best way of messing her up, or is it just a phase? I never comment on her food intake as I really think she knows best herself and am not bothered if she doens't like my cooking, but I plan to not have exciting snacks in the house anymore, just fruit, veggies (which she loves) and a bit of cheese of an afternoon.

Also, I let her off the table as soon as she is finished, which is usually announced by her absent-mindedly dropping food on the floor and a reminder that she should say 'down' instead.

Do I need to start action on the food funk/manners thing now? I'm becoming a bit bothered by her not even trying meals and ignoring when we all sit together, even though she seems perfectly content with it all.

I'd say if it is bothering you then you need to do something about it!

At this age they are sometimes 'too busy' to come to the table but you could encourage her to join you whether eating or not but if she's not hungry she sits at the table and plays there for a few minutes. She might decide to join in on the food.

IMHO 22 months is a bit young for insisting they stay at the table until everyone has finished, especially because that is the age they only usually eat a few mouthfuls of each meal.

BTW I've also started applying the RULES to DD's (8) bedtime glass of water, which to now has always followed this pattern:

1. her insisting that she needs water in the night.
2. me reminding her several times to take water up when she goes to bed.
3. her eye rolling and saying 'yes' in a long suffering way.
4. her only just 'remembering' that she doesn't have it about 30 mins to 1 hour AFTER lights out, and coming downstairs again.
5. her then getting up to go to the toilet every 15 mins (unnecessary after a tiny sip water) for yet another hour.
6. the glass of water being untouched during the night.

It's all just an excuse to delay bedtime.

So ... last night, the same thing happened and when she came downstairs, I calmly said 'NO - no glass of water. If you didn't get it earlier then that's too bad.' And sent her back up again. Followed by loud, forced, noisy tears, stomping off to bed screaming "YOU DON'T CARE IF I DIE OF THIRST." Which I calmly ignored.

Well, I'm pleased to report that she didn't die of thirst, and didn't even remember about it this morning! Same thing will happen tonight too. And so on.

The score is now 2:0 to me!!

[CUE: Arm waving and WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS by Queen]

hurah hurah Mrsh, this is great news. LOL at 'I am going to die of thirst'.

We are still going great guns here. I still get plenty of food refusals but don't get worked up about it now. The dds are still alive and haven't withered away to nothing

Update

Still no eating here!, but I put it on the table, he whinges, we say nothing, he won't try anything and then gets down!

We have cut back on the snacks too - even his older brother knows that it is only fruit or yog! (Although weekends I'm a little more relaxed and they can have the odd biscuit/cake

To be continued ..............

keep going merlin. I'm sure it will be worth it in the end.

Oh I know it will - half term will be fun - going away with the GP's so they can join in too!!!!

Ah then you must get the GPs on board beforehand and explain the method. I have told my mother half a dozen times now why we are doing what we are doing and she nods away and then the next minute she is bringing out a half ton of toast and jam as she thought they looked a bit hungry.

grr

No probs there - my DM can be stricter than strict - he will not be offered ANYTHING!!!

OOOOOOOOH I have news!

Last night I made toad in the hole, with mash and peas and carrots (older brother's fave at mo!).

So, DS1 eventually had a bit of batter - just the crispy bits - he said he didn't like the 'soft' bit! Would't try the sausage or mash but ate half a stick of carrot!!!! YEEEEESSS!!!!!

Happy times!!!!

Bad times tonight - .

Cottage pie - wouldn't touch it. Took one bite of carrot, chewed and chewed and then spat it out!.

That was dinner!

Oh well.

Well I guess it's sort of progress, he wouldn't have touched carrots before would he?

What is he having at lunch and breakfast?

Are you managing to stay in a relatively calm state while he is doing this?

No - wouldn't have tried carrot before.

He generally has toast and yoghurt for breakfast, then sandwich, crisps and fruit at lunch, sometimes a biscuit or muffin too.

I've stopped the snacks mid-afternoon other than fruit or yog. At school mid morning he has apple or strawberries.

I am VERY calm. Have one little go at encouraging him to try something on his plate and then just ignore him!!!

Are your DCs still going great guns? !!!