support thread for people with a baby and toddler finding it tough and not believing that there might be light at the end of the tunnel!!

[exasperatedmum]

I've posted numerous times before bemoaning the fact that my now nearly 3 year old dd is spirited/wilful/challenging etc etc, and drives me to distraction. Am on an emotional roller-coaster every day, and am shattered as 5 month old obviously not sleeping through, and bf every three hours. Every time I post I get a cluster of 'know how you feel' posts but no solutions as there are none, I know!! So I wondered if there is anyone else out there who feels like me, and whether we could sort of help each other through, because believe me there are days when I think I'm not going to make it!! I keep telling myself "She's only two" and "I'm in charge" but feel like I'm being run rings around. Can't decide if my expectations are too high, and I'm just turning into a witch of a Mum, or if I'm trying hard to have boundaries and be firm with a very non-compliant toddler. Baby has reflux so that isn't helping my general mood. I always thought I'd love parenthood, but honestly I find it the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, and would love to have just a teeny tiny break to revive my flagging spirits... but no chance. Anyone out there?!

sorry I haven't been on for a while ladies - not much time to post but can I just say what was the point of Scoatagm's post. Can't even muster up teh energy to repond to such rubbish.

Anyway - dd1 (2.2yo) has decided that 3am is a good time to "need" mummy - ugh! Fingers crossed she is so exhausted tonight that it won't cross her lovely toddler mind to indulge in some shouty wailing in teh middle of the night!

We're trying dd2 (5mo) without waking her for a feed at 11pm tonight - any bets tomorrow will start in the early hours for me - but I live and hope..........

hi meep you up yet..
dd1 must ve taken off her pull ups and put back on her pjs last night so she woke me at 11 having thoroughly wet her bed.
Then in a state and wouldn't go back in her bed- I had changed the covers btw.
Had to bring her into my bed whereupon she chatted and wriggled until 1am.
Even though I was all but ignoring her.
Anyway dd2 woke at 540 so i've had a seriously limited amount of sleep. Anyone beat that today?!

Not quite beat that, but wasn't far behind you - we started the day with both before six, and with DD2 about 5:20.

I haven't braved 'no nappy' at night and although DD1 'gets naked' at every possible opportunity during the day, she hasn't tried it at night yet >>touches wood, sticks an extra leaf onto a three-leaf clover, chases her black cat to make it cross her path

Hi B&B-
we have done no nappy at daytime nap which is fine but she is always wet in the morning so not ready to go without at night.
She always used to take nappies and pjs off at night but has never before taken pull ups off. Grr- hope this is not the dawn of a new era..

I'll cross my fingers (and legs) for you!

Up at 6.10! I can live with that!

mumoffeve, LOL at cuddles being a mix of the Heimlich manoveure and smothering. My DD seems to be easing off on the aggression since the baby is reaching 3 months. Perhaps it is her age (almost 3) or perhaps she is used to him? I have left her alone with him very briefly, to get something from the next room or what have you. when i get back she is always in his face but thankfully not hurting him. The kissing is a bit too aggressive for my liking, though. In the early days every time I told her off she would calmly issue a big SMACK on my little newbornS face or chest. So so hard not to get upset because the mothering instinct makes you angry- we are designed to protect our newborns. I shouted at her a lot in the first 2 weeks of babys life, which I regret now, but when I read on Mnet about how kids have no impulse control at that age it made me realise that she wasn`t being naughty, she simply could not control the urge to touch him.

dd2 just got her own back on dd1 by grabbing a handful of her hair and pulling very very hard (at that stage where everything is being grabbed) - poor dd1 was in floods of tears.

Morning all.

Meep Yeah we have the same problem at the moment but ususally when they are both in the trolly - DD2's hair is right where HHB's hand is idley resting and needless to say, he can't help himself but grab it! She then turns round and says "Get OFF!!" and starts smacking him on the hand - although it is fairly gentle. He just looks non-plussed by the whole thing. But she is def getting to a point now where she is hitting a bit more and pinching on occasion. Such a shame when they get to this phase cos that means they've usually passed the REALLY REALLY cute phase of toddler-hood. Oh well, still one more to go!

Mean to ask, meep, but did it make you laugh?

Morning!
Sakura - know exactly what you mean about the instinct to protect the younger ones! I think it makes me get more cross with DD cos DS just sits there and takes it without making a sound!!!!! I need to work on staying calm a bit more I think. Nearly burst a blood vessel yesterday when I thought it was safe to put DS in door bouncer cos DH was apparently 'keeping an eye on him' (actually fixing his bike). DD managed to stand on DS's foot about 10 times, as well as plenty of the obligatory swinging him into the door frame.
DD up v early today and is now having a post tantrum sleep on the sofa. Hopefully the afternoon will be a bit more chilled out!

Hi to everyone.
Won't be on much as I have moved into my dsisters to look after her home, animals and 3 children for a week.

Mum of 5

I must be mad.

Wishing you all good nights, sleeping babies and toddlers, and less sibling rivalry.

Evening all

Not a good day today at all - DS1 must have hit DS2 at least 5 times So so frustrating and no idea what to do about it - he hits me and DH aswell. The trigger is definitely frustration (usually starts when we tell him he can't do something or stop him doing something) or tiredness - other than that, he probably wouldn't dream of hitting him. I have been removing him from the room/situation and putting him in his bedroom/stairs or whatever and telling him to come back when he has calmed down and can say sorry - he usually comes back after a few minutes and is very apologetic and much calmer but this tactic does not stop him doing the same thing a few days later....

As others have said, it is so hard not to shout/scream at DS1 for hurting my baby but I also feel sorry for DS1 because if he carries on doing it, DS2 will start to remember and it will affect their relationship

On the plus side, yes, we also get the hair pulling in the supermarket trolleys Not so much now as DS1 has had his hair cut reallly short but it was quite long before that so prime pulling potential

Oh ceebee I feel for you. Had a stressful day too with DD1 hitting and crushing hugging DD2 over-zealously, combined with teething from DD2

Some days are good, some are poooooooooh (quite literally this evening actually )

Morning all - hope you are have relaxing bank holidays

Had a terrible night last night DS woke for a feed at 11 and then wanted to play afterwards! DD then woke at 1.30am - shouting at the top of her voice 'I want another story!', think she was a bit confused - lol. DS woke again for a feed at 3 then wanted to get up at 5.

DH working today too - am I the only one who hates bank holidays? All the stuff we would normally do today is cancelled (playgroup etc) so with DH working it is just like a normal Monday but with nothing to do!

morning jj.
I feel that way every weekend. DH works late thu fri and sat then sleeps late the next day.
All the playgroups are shut and all my friends with kids are with their partners.
I end up going to swings or whatever and there's always loads of dads there!
He's not working today though was at wk til middle of night last night so still in bed.

Dd1 woke twice at about 11 and 12 just laid her back down think having nightmare?
dd2 woke at 330 and 430 for her dummy then slept til 630. So even though I had to get up 4 times it wasn't too bad as no one needed me for more than a few secs.

Off to Majorca tomorrow so today will be a frantic packing marathon! Have a good1 x

Have a fantastic time in Majorca - Girlsyearapart. Sounds like you deserve the holiday

cant believe i've only just found this thread. I have 2 DSs age 23months and 12months in 2 days. Life is tough and tbh i dread days when I know that DH leaves at 7.30am and isnt back until 5pm and I am not seeing anyone. We have no family in the country which doesnt help and my fab best friend does loads but he works full time too.

DS1 is such a wonderful little boy - loud, happy, full of beans. he often gets shouted at cos i'm just at the end of my tether.

DS2 was a limpet in a previous life. he swings from my legs and screams if i'm more than 2ft away from him.

Am feeling a bit swamped by parenthood primary because I have boys all day every day (with the exception of wednesdays which is Nursery day ), DH gets home, I put tea on the table and then I work 4 nights a week 6pm til midnight. By the time i'm home its 1am, DS2 promptly wakes and wants a feed and I get about 4hrs sleep before DS1 wakes for the day. Am knackered.

anyway, nice to have somewhere to moan without the comments of "well you wanted children".

silly thing is that I would dearly love #3 ...

Welcome fledtoscotland - that sounds tough! At least when mine are in bed I can put my feet up a bit!

I'm also considering #3 (active thread on it asking for people to convince me ~either for or against~ what decision to make)

lol @ "limpet in previous life"

Hiya fled- yes they're a pain, we're all constantly knackered and yet we want more! kids are strange creatures..
Mine pretty much same age as yours will be 1 and 2 next week.
Will be ttc the 3rd at end of the year.
Anyway am just using this to delay packing so beta go..

Hope everyone is enjoying the bank hols. Ive had a pretty much mixed bag this weekend. Two days spent visiting grandparents and tescos today. Must be completely mad! AT least Ive had dh for backup, makes it a lot easier as dd has a much better relationship with him, although she has deceided that this weekend her favourite word is 'NO'... is it really possible that a 2yr old can be so stubborn . Ds has been really fussy with his feeds tho' and Im beginning to tear my hair out. He feeds ok for a while, then starts frantically bashing his head against me whilst screaming. Am hoping its just a funny phase, or a prob with wind. Anyhow today is the big day, we're gonna try him with his first bottle of ebm... fingers crossed he takes it.

Oh and ds has decided he hates being in the car - great considering we live in the country and need to drive everywhere

girls enjoy your hols - am so jealous, but not of the packing, you have my sympathy

thanks. dh remains convinced that we can fit stuff for a week for 2 adults and 2 children one with allergies to everything and excema so creams food etc and one who's potty training into one suitcase..
anyway dd2 just fell asleep on my lap so i'm spared further torture!

LOL at your DH opinion on packing girlsyearapart. Mine is convinced we can get 3DCs and all necessary clothes, pushchair, highchair, bedding for all including pillows, duvets and towels etc etc into the back of the Ford Focus. (I have rung the holiday company and ordered a travel cot, highchair and "linen packs" for when we arrive- I will let DH know Friday evening - we leave 7pm- when he admits defeat!)

Hello there, hope everyone had good weekends. Just marking the spot so I can find this thread later!

Hello there, hope everyone had good weekends. Just marking the spot so I can find this thread later!