support thread for people with a baby and toddler finding it tough and not believing that there might be light at the end of the tunnel!!

[exasperatedmum]

I've posted numerous times before bemoaning the fact that my now nearly 3 year old dd is spirited/wilful/challenging etc etc, and drives me to distraction. Am on an emotional roller-coaster every day, and am shattered as 5 month old obviously not sleeping through, and bf every three hours. Every time I post I get a cluster of 'know how you feel' posts but no solutions as there are none, I know!! So I wondered if there is anyone else out there who feels like me, and whether we could sort of help each other through, because believe me there are days when I think I'm not going to make it!! I keep telling myself "She's only two" and "I'm in charge" but feel like I'm being run rings around. Can't decide if my expectations are too high, and I'm just turning into a witch of a Mum, or if I'm trying hard to have boundaries and be firm with a very non-compliant toddler. Baby has reflux so that isn't helping my general mood. I always thought I'd love parenthood, but honestly I find it the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, and would love to have just a teeny tiny break to revive my flagging spirits... but no chance. Anyone out there?!

Baby Bjorn - the only sling I find I can stick DD in and go totally hands-free to cook, pick up DS, run hands through hair and tear it out... DD has just reached the stage where her neck is strong enough so I can have her looking out rather than at my saggy chest and this keeps her quiet for a while, plus good for wedging the dummy in.

I also have one of those across the chest ring slings with a tail and DS slept and slept in that but TBH I haven't really tried DD in it yet. Very comfy though.

HTH.

Has everyone had a manic weekend and sold the DCs and is now having a lie in - this thread has gone form being really chatty to a ghost-thread!

Hope you're all OK. This may be my last post for a couple of days as DH is away with work for a couple of days and DD is getting better at moving slowly in random directions with her own brand of inefficient bum shuffling [tearing hair emoticon]!

Just trying to tidy the bombsite house after the 3 DCs 2 DCs and DH have trashed it all weekend. DD due to start school at the end of this week (only for 2.5 hours a day but still...) so am on the final countdown! Am sure DD will be an absolute angel at school after running me ragged for the last few months !

Hi all, gosh where has everyone gone? Well the weekend went a bit better here, both dd and ds behaved themselves, and I even managed to go to our local shops and to the hairdressers for DD, whilst carrying DS in the sling. And unlike previous trips with him in the double buggy, he was brilliant. Just a few mumours and he actually went to sleep... yahoo for the sling!!!!

Am so nervous today its ridiculous, you would think it was me that was starting nursery tomorrow! Totally panicking about leaving her with strangers, what if something happens, she is too little to be able to tell me what shes done or if she likes it... Someone tell me Im being neurotic. And what on earth do I put in her bag except a nappy or two. Was thinking of a change of clothes and rain coat, anything else?

DS is actually asleep in his cot during the day for first time today, albeit due to me taking him up already asleep, but its a step forward. I was glad he finally conked out ho' dont think I could have walked him round for much longer

Hope you are all having a good day!

Hi everyone... Haven't been around for a while (again) but scanning through I'm a bit that someone was questioning why the small age gap and didn't we expect it to be hard... looks like you've all gone through this so sorry for dragging it up, but feel really . Seeing the bigger picture I realise that this stage won't last forever (and people with older children keep telling me that it gets even harder!) but we desperately wanted more than one child, and for us my age and not knowing how long it would take to conceive were the main factors. Perhaps if I'd known that dd would have been such a nightmare I would have put it off a bit, but no point thinking that now!!

Anyway, I'm not going to be able to keep up with everyone on here as I'm such an infrequent visitor. I will try though, because it is genuinely a welcome relief to hear from people who know what I'm talking about, instead of people who seem to find things relatively easy!! I slid through today trying my best not to be a shouty Mum until 5pm when dd was slamming ds into a radiatior while I was on the phone to the doctors making an appointment about his reflux. Since he started weaning he has been so much worse, sick all the time, can't put him down anywhere, and obviously dd is just as challenging as ever!!!

Hope everyone else is having a good evening. Feel like having a lovely big glass of wine, but reckon ds will be up again fairly soon as his sleeping has completely gone to pot. hmmmmmmm, maybe chocolate instead!

Waves - hope nursery went OK today

I had a pretty good night last night, DS stayed quiet and in his own bed form 8-610, which given he was getting into the habit of coming in to our bed for no reason we could see, was a bit of a relief!

DD could have done better, at least she settled fairly well each time she woke - none of her 2hr sessions, but it would have been nice if she hadn't woken!

Putting them both to bed on my own is tricky though, how does everyone else manage bedtime? Do they go down at the same time, share a bath etc? Last night I thought I'd done well, then DD needed winding and DS got jealous that she was getting the cuddles and she kept screaming and giving herself more wind!
I feel so mean sending him back to bed, even though I'm sure I get so tense trying not to shout at him that she senses it and shouts more.
It makes me think about sending her to nursery to give him a little bit of mummy time, not just when she's having a nap. Does anyone else feel like this?

Hi everyone, I am back from looking after my dsisters house and children and have coped really weel.

I have had a quick catch up and would like to say waves sorry you have been finding it tough lately, hope things are picking up.

yorky* I find bedtime very tricky as dh works shifts so is very rarely here at bedtime and is pretty useless when he is. bless him.
If he is here he has one downstairs while I put one to bed then I go and do the other.

tonight has been amazing though, I have fed ds put him in his cot and he whinged for less than a minute and fell asleep.
DD hoever asked to lay in my bed so I said ok and she fell asleep within 5 min too.

yorky my dd is 2.6 and starts prescho0l two mornings next week. I need this, she needs this, and ds needs this. I half feel guilty as I will miss her, however the batterings are not getting any better. So I feel that ds would benefit from some time away from her iykwim. On the rare occasions she hugs or kisses him he flinches and it is heartbreaking to see.
I am in the process of buying a pony, mad I know, but when I am with mine and my sisters and mum has 5, dd is great. Out in fresh air, they both sleep well, and she doesn't hit ds at all.

However I am 5 days LATE......

Hi no1, good luck with the pony. Are you 6days late now and how long are you going to leave it before peeing on a stick?
DS is m eldest, he started nursery 2mornings a week at 18mo and now loves it. DD is 9mo and I wondered about putting her in nursery to give DS some mummy time as she is ALWAYS there, and very clingy too
Last night was crap, anyone want a couple of spare kids while I hibernate?

Morning yorky Sorry you had a good night.
Ds slept 7.30-7.30 no wake ups or top ups.
However dd heard dh come home from work at gone 11pm so she was up a while. I ended up curling up in her little bed till she went to sleep.

I am now 6 day s late. May test today.
Keep thinking I am having rumblings of period pains but not sure. Think in this situation you get all paranoid about every twinge.

I would love to be able to put both in child care a few hors one day for some 'me' time. Does that sound selfish?

No1 - me-time does not sound selfish AT ALL. I like to think of it as respite care . ESPECIALLY if your test comes back positive!
Went to playbarn with a friend and her DD and DS, as well as my 2, and it was so quiet that the 3yo's played on their own for THREE hours and the babies slept for 1.5 hrs. Had my first peaceful tea and chat for ages. HEAVEN!
However, DH is having some 'me-time' tonight (aren't they always ) so facing bath-time (including the dreaded DD's hairwashing ) on my tod. Sigh!

Hello

Can i join?

I have 2 DD age 3yrs and 19months. Its getting easier most days but when its bad its hell

I on my own and work P/T so my DD go to nursery and i get a semi break at work.

no1 blimey.. have you tested yet?!?!? Reading that made my stomach flip, cant imagine having another one at the mo.

Well today was DD's second morning at playschool... and its going really well. Too well actually! She goes in without a second glance at me and is upset when I come to pick her up! Kids!!! The one prob is the mammoth rush down & up hills to get there, carrying DS in his carrier and trying to push DD in the buggy. I am totally wacked, you'd think I'd run a marathon. I have a double buggy but it just doesnt fit in anywhere round here, plus DS hates it. At least I'll have the most toned legs in ages

I totally agree with the need for selfish and unadulturated mummy time. In fact I cant wait till DS is old enough to go. How cruel but so necessary.

Im just about to start a proper bedtime/bathtime routine with both kiddies so am interested in how everyone copes. Plan is to let DH bath and handle DD and me to do DS, after DD has gone back downstairs. I really need to get him up in his own room on an evening before he gets used to being with us, but so dreading the whole thing with 2. Why cant I afford a nanny

WTWF - Me or DH bath DS (5mo) first (partly because he needs special dry skin bath lotion and he has a cooler bath) at about 6.30pm, we then get him ready for bed and leave him to play on his mat for 20 mins whilst we bath DD (3). She uses the same bath water topped up with some more hotwater and insists on bubbles . We then get her ready (which is obviously much more painful -especially as she insists on doing EVERYTHING herself). Then at about 7ish, we read them 2 stories together, they have a cuddle and DD goes to bed.....IN THEORY! I then feed DS downstairs whilst DH puts DD back to bed approx 10 times. By the time she's gone to sleep, DS is fed and ready to put down (at about 8pm). However, I think I need to start putting DS down earlier and feeding him BEFORE the bath - because he seems so tired by 8 and also he quite often fills his nappy in the night and needs to be changed when we go to bed, which then wakes him up. Am hoping everything will sort itself out whe I start weaning him next week!!!
N.B. Did the bath time solo last night and it was carnage. Couldn't put DD back to bed the requisite 10 times as was feeding DS. She had a massive tantrum, nearly made herself sick and then wet herself - great!

Hi I tested yesterday and it was negative.

I have tried so many bedtime routines you would not believe. please feel free to ignore as is very long, and I will apologise in advance for spelling, punctuation.

When ds was first born I used to sling him and bfeed in that while dd had milk story etc...
DD used to go down awake on her own, up until ds arrived. I now have to sit with her till she falls asleep.

As ds has got older, I have still fed him on my knee after reading stories to both of them. Then put him in bed, and gone back to her.

We then had a phase of laying on my bed, then ds got to interested in what dd was doing so it ended up both of them being stimulated and me getting stressed.

I have spent many nights with chest pains, running between both her room and his,trying out rapid return with her, and leaving him to self settle cry it out etc...Screaming from bith of them, and me wondering if I was going insane or had PND.
All because I was that wrapped up in them self settling because I thought it was what I SHOULD be doing.

I admit that rapid return worked with dd after only 3 nights, and she only cried on the first. (It was heartbreaking ignoring her though)
However dh is often at work due to shift pattern so I always do bedtime.(even when he is here) as he can not let her cry and always fetches her back down saying 'she wants you,she won't settle for me.

So he undid all my hard work with rapid return. All that stress and upset for nothing so......

I came home the other day to find that dh had put a tv.dvd combi in dd's bedroom. I went mad, we had a row etc...but as he was trying to prove something I gave it a go.

Now the tv does not work as no ariel, so only dvd player.
She only has peppa pig,ITNG, and a few learn shapes, numbers etc...
So I put her in bed, give her beaker of milk and put on peppa pig, I go in ds room, feed him put him in bed and go back to her room. DVD goes off, we read a few stories and I lay with her and stroke whatever limb she demands. foot, arm, back.
I love this time we spend together having a cuddle, and I am less stressed, and they are less stressed I think.
We have been doing this only three nights and it works. They have both slept through too
Dvd goes back on in am for half hour while I get us all ready and even this is now less stressful.
Although I wanted to keep a tv out of her room as long as possible. My mum said'whatever works love' and she is right.

I am so sorry that was very long, but I have been so stressed out and unhappy lately over routine, and now I still have one, but I have relaxed a little.

I feel so much better already,and my wonderful sister said that ds in particular was probably picking up and my stress levels.
Also possibly why my period was late.

Our evening routine is:

Both in bath together, hair wash/teeth etc.. one out wrap in towel plonk on sofa, second one in towel plonk on sofa (downstairs bathroom).

nappy and PJs on, cup of milk each, BFed youngest, cuddle on sofa watch peppa pig, then up to bed (they share a room) kiss cuddle then night nights.

Since sharing they generally sleep all night

Pingapengin Sorry I meant to say hi earlier.

Strange that you say they sleep well because they share. Mine shared when at my sisters last week, and slept better too.
I have also heard this before too.

I also bath them both together. Get ds out and dressed at the side of the bath on floor while dd has another splash.

When they went in together my youngest stopped feeding at night aswell! bonus

It really worked for us!

DD starts school today - I have survived the summer! Hoorah!

Pinga, I am v , your DC bedtime sounds so lovely and calm. How old are they?
Our 2 also share a room and she tends to disturb him Although if she is taking a while to settle and I am listening on the stairs he gets out of bed to tell her "That's enough DD!" cute but not helpful
They normally share a bath then get DD (9mo)out first as she takes longer to dress cos she's wriggly, and I BF her while DH dries and dresses DS (2.5). They don't go downstairs after bath and DS doesn't have a drink, we used to offer but he never wanted so have got out of habit or offering now
He tends to play up at bedtime, which I assume is jealousy because mummy spends so long 'cuddling'/BFing baby
I still dream feed her at 10-1030ish, but she quite often wakes at 3or4am, I don't feed her then and haven't done for a few weeks now, if she gets cross I offer her a sip of water (from the pint glass at the side of my bed!) but we have a travel cot in our room and she quite often finishes the night there.
We have a monitor where I can use the parent unit to start a plinkyplonky lullaby playing but that is all I can do to settle her without going into their room, and I am reluctant to let her cry it out as she disturbs her brother. Is there a way out of this that I haven't thought of?

Its not always peaceful believe me
My eldest DD is just turned 3 and Youngest DD is 19 months.

I have let both of mine cry it out when they are sharing (they both now generally sleep through the other crying) its abit of a nightmare to start with ie.. when 1 crys the other did, but once hey realised the other wasnt getting up they soon settled down.

I love hearing them chatter in the mornings/naptimes

Thinking of everyone. Hope you are all coping well

Anyone still around???

hiya am here!

Hello - I'm still here. Has everyone else's DCs started acting like angels so they don't need this thread anymore? Mine haven't !