support thread for people with a baby and toddler finding it tough and not believing that there might be light at the end of the tunnel!!

[exasperatedmum]

I've posted numerous times before bemoaning the fact that my now nearly 3 year old dd is spirited/wilful/challenging etc etc, and drives me to distraction. Am on an emotional roller-coaster every day, and am shattered as 5 month old obviously not sleeping through, and bf every three hours. Every time I post I get a cluster of 'know how you feel' posts but no solutions as there are none, I know!! So I wondered if there is anyone else out there who feels like me, and whether we could sort of help each other through, because believe me there are days when I think I'm not going to make it!! I keep telling myself "She's only two" and "I'm in charge" but feel like I'm being run rings around. Can't decide if my expectations are too high, and I'm just turning into a witch of a Mum, or if I'm trying hard to have boundaries and be firm with a very non-compliant toddler. Baby has reflux so that isn't helping my general mood. I always thought I'd love parenthood, but honestly I find it the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, and would love to have just a teeny tiny break to revive my flagging spirits... but no chance. Anyone out there?!

phew... haven't been up for air for ages, but really keen to get back and read all the posts as soon as I can catch up...

Dd been as trying as every BUT have the 'Playful Parenting' book which I've only skim read the first chapter, and it has given me some ideas. Don't think there will be a miracle cure within, but we've had a little more fun in between all the shouting and arguing!! ds turned six months today, and we've been baby led weaning, so have only just finished wiping down the highchair and surrounding area. He has been teething and consequently whinging and (I know its not his fault) it wears me down when I'm already fully exhausted from dd. I think the two of them synchronise their crying so that it is either one or the other or both together, never neither!

Hope all the light at the end of the tunnel seekers are ok. Looking forward to reading all about what has been going on. Hope to catch you soon!

Hi all

Yay for good things, I agree it's the small moments where you feel you've actually got it right for a change... like when they're both having a nap at the same time that make you survive.

The constantly sore back... I have that too... anyone else?

'Light at the end of the tunnel seekers' - for me at the moment it will definitely be when DD2 starts sleeping better.

ah.....the joy that is simultaneous napping....the only thing that makes the day bearable ! I hate to admit but with 2 I have become a bit over zealous about making sure we are home for lunch then both down for a nap and a big exhale and cup of coffee for me!

I too got them both down for a nap today.
I have had a good day and the dcs have been a pleasure. Feeling good.

That's great news no1, you sound better today, hope tomorrow goes well too, for everyone

Morning all, Hope you ahve all had good nights.

Bad one here, up with dd and ds alternatley from 1am till 5.30 am. I am sure they have been talking to each other.

DD cutting back molars, and ds cutting 4 teeth too.

Oh the Joy.
So only been up half hour. Ds has cried since he opened his eyes, but is stuffing
in Banana and cereal. Crying in between.

I am off out for the day with my dsis and her dcs, so won't be down today.

Oh dear no1.
Dd2 slept 715-6 so that was lovely.
Dd1 went to sleep without crying for first time in over 2 weeks.
But she woke up about 1230. It was only for about half an hour when I left her. New tactic is to give her little cuddle then put her back in bed. Then I sit on the chair in her room but only if she's quiet. After a while I tell her I need to get myself a jumper or whatever and will come back if she's quiet. Then I go back to bed.

So far it's working but won't be long before she gets wise to the fact that I don't come back..

Have hospital dietitian with dd2 today. Quite pleased to be taking her as her skin looks really clear at the moment so it'll be obvious that I'm following the diet rules!

Dh will be working all of the bh wk end so I'll be on my own but it's hols on Tuesday so not long to hang on.

girlsyearapart That sounds like a good night. Well done. Sleeo is amazing isnt it?
lol.
I have tried that one. I am just going to get a drink I am coming back. She did cotton on eventualy.
Hope appointment goes well. Wil check in later to find out.

Both dcs Happy atm so off to get ready.

Ok so dd woke from her nap yesterday afternoon and had tore her dummy in half, she 2.3yrs now and I was planning on ditching it soon enyway, but as it was no longer useable and I didnt want to spend any more money of the damn things, it went in the bin. So this called for amazing story telling on my part, cue the dummy fairy and a very very pink bag. Dont think she bought it for one second! Anyway, bedtime came and of course there was no dummy. OMG we all thought, totatlly prepared for a nighttime spent going into her room to calm her down... BUT she only needed me to settle her once!!!!! If I'd known it was that easy I would have done it ages ago lol!

And ds has finally had a poo so hes now tucked up asleep in his basket.

I'm slightly worried now cos things are going far too easy...

No1 yeah pretty scary having tests and stuff. Apparently its all neurological and seems to be making him hyper alert and stiff and that same time. He too has dark hair patch, as well as club foot and dimple on the spine. But docs say you can have all these and still not have spina bifida, go figure! All we can do is get him lots of physio and watch to see how he develops. Prob gonna be a late walker by all accounts.

jumpyjan how did the dream feed go?

No1 Your dcs are doing what mine are - DD2 cutting back molars and 5 month old just had one tooth through and is working on the next. For the last few days tho, the napping at the same time has gone out the window. Makes it a long day!!

I never realised that a dark hair patch on a baby's back was one of the signs of spina bifida DS2 has got a hairy back - has had since birth - and me and DH make jokes about it Although I am assuming I shouldn't worry about him as he seems to be developing normally.

DS1 ended up in our bed last night from 11pm as he woke up twice screaming in pain that his foot was hurting (he does get this a lot ) and wouldn't be consoled and me and DH were too tired to do anything other than have him in our bed - but he woke up at 5.30 and would not stop fidgeting

Yay for all the better nights - mine definitely seem to go 'good night, bad night, bad night, bad night....good night etc'

wavesthewhiteflag good to see things are going a bit easier for you. Well I chickened out of the dream feed - I went to bed at 9.30 and just couldn't bring myself to wake him - I should have done though because he woke at about 11 so I had to get up after only an hour or so sleep - may try it tonight.

Can i join please?

I have ds 2.1 and dd 4 months. I prepared for it to be hard but to be honest i didn't expect it to be this bad! To be fair, it's okay most of the time, it's just the complete meltdowns when they're both screaming at me!

I've started dd on a 10.30pm bottle of formula because i was going crazy with 2 hourly feeds in the night. She's now going til 3.30ish and last night had a tiny bf to get back to sleep. Does anyone else quickly feed the baby to try and avoid screaming when the probably should try other methods of settling first? I do, i'm too scared she'll wake ds and then they'll both be up!

My dh works quite late so the two of the only get a bath about twice a week (bad mummy!) also dh is pretty useless when he is here these days. Dh seems to be suffering with what i call extreme selfishness lol. He seems to have freaked at the responsibility if two children.

I'm lucky that dd is actually a little angel (touch wood) not like ds was at her age. She's just chilled all the time. Ds however is fully embracing the 'terrible twos'.

The hardest thing i'm finding is the lack of time. I think if i had a couple more hours each day.. hmm.

Anyway, dh and i are going out for a drink tonight on our own for a couple of hours - woohoo! first time. I think our marriage really needs it!

Bless you mamakim.
I know what you mean about them both at it the same time.

Hope you have a good night tonight with dh.

My ds was 1 on Saturday and me and dh have been out once in that year. (when he was quite young)

Desperate I think. Our marriage also needs it.

I am moving into my dsis house tomorow with my dcs to look after her house, her 3 children, rabbits, guinea pigs, puppy etc... For a week. [EEK]

Her dcs are ds 5, ds 10 dd 14
My dcs adore them, and they are great with my dcs so could be more chilled than being at home....or not.

So I hope to get big babysitting favours in return.

My dh also works shifts long hours too.

So I am on my own most of the time, he doesnt do much with the dcs when he is here, but he is a bit of a tidy clean freak domestic god.
So I can't say he is completely useless.

I do get the odd comment like 'but you know what they want'
'they prefer you' etc...

Well yes if you don't do it...

Hi no1 yeah a quite good night.
Hospital went well. Think Iwould like to refer the dietitian for a sainthood she has truly been fab.
Anyway v pleased with dd2s progress and she can even drop a bottle of evil hypoallergenic formula.
Probably re introduce milk when shes 18 mo. Which willbe scary..
My dh drives a black cab which is good and bad. It means he usually works very late (2-4am hometime) thurs fri and sat and does bits and bobs the other days. Good as if theres a bill we cant pay he drives about a bit and earns it, he can mainly be home for bethtime, bad as when the going gets tough he jumps in his cab and 'goes to work'. THink there may be some sitting in car parks reading the paper going on..
Also we have zero social life as if we both go out at a weekend then we spend money and lose it at the same time and if I want to go out its still me that has to get the babysitter and be up with the dds so I just don't bother!
Anyway better than the £5 an hour he was earning until recently..

Traumatic day. Had to save DS from the violence heavy-handedness of DD constantly throughout the day. Somehow we have all made it to bedtime in one piece! A miracle!

Perhaps a bigger age gap between children? I have never understood the need to have two so close together. Most of my NCT group have number 2 on the way around about the time of number 1 having the second birthday. 2 under two or 2 around two. Of cousre it will be flippin hard. What else could it be??

scotagm thats a bit unfair. No one knows what life for them will be like with children, never mind if its a small or large age gap. I had my dd never once expecting to have PND or to end up pregnant again so soon. Whats mumsnet for if not to allow mums in need to find support from fellow mums.

What's all that about scotagm?? read the title it says SUPPORT thread so go away if you haven't got anything positive to say!

Children are hard at any age gap and people have their children with varying age gaps depending on their own circumstances.

Anyway- to everyone else good morning. Had a good nights sleep went to bed v early after watching that Home or USA property prog then dd2 woke at 450 and after a bit of writhing about fell back to sleep in with me till 620.

"I have never understood the need to have two so close together" scotagm ?? Maybe you are in your late teens and therefore have the biological clock still ticking away nicely for a good few years? Others of us do not have that luxury. There's just one reason for you.

My DDs woke with a number starting with 5 but are now fighting over playing with their toys in their room

Argh to any time starting with a 5 - or indeed a 4.. B&B.
My two are sprinkling rice cakes liberally around the living room.
ps- think scotagm is going to think twice about posting here again..

Scoatagm

girlsayearapart glad you had a good night

BubbaAndBump I used to think there was only one 5 o clock in a day.

Good night here too.
Ds slept 7.30-6.30 had some milk then slept till 7.30
He did take a while to settle last night though. usually aslepp for 7.

DD slept 8.30-7.00 Also late to bed as she couldnt settle due to ds crying. She heard dh come home and wanted to see him too.

No night wakings from either. If I had known this I would not have stayed up till midnight.
First decent nights sleep in a while.
Amazing how better it makes you feel.

good morning no1.
see what you mean about staying up. When they go through a bad sleep phase you find yourself not being able to sleep cos you know you'll be up again soon.. Total and utter l;ack of sleep ensues..