support thread for people with a baby and toddler finding it tough and not believing that there might be light at the end of the tunnel!!

[exasperatedmum]

I've posted numerous times before bemoaning the fact that my now nearly 3 year old dd is spirited/wilful/challenging etc etc, and drives me to distraction. Am on an emotional roller-coaster every day, and am shattered as 5 month old obviously not sleeping through, and bf every three hours. Every time I post I get a cluster of 'know how you feel' posts but no solutions as there are none, I know!! So I wondered if there is anyone else out there who feels like me, and whether we could sort of help each other through, because believe me there are days when I think I'm not going to make it!! I keep telling myself "She's only two" and "I'm in charge" but feel like I'm being run rings around. Can't decide if my expectations are too high, and I'm just turning into a witch of a Mum, or if I'm trying hard to have boundaries and be firm with a very non-compliant toddler. Baby has reflux so that isn't helping my general mood. I always thought I'd love parenthood, but honestly I find it the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, and would love to have just a teeny tiny break to revive my flagging spirits... but no chance. Anyone out there?!

Great start to the day - DD2 ate DD1's poo

Bubba Oh GROSS! Tasty?

fled every time someone new joins this thread I think, "oh my God, they have it even worse than X,Y or Z!" You just took that mantle. I don't know how you manage but hats off to you. I do think I will have to find some work at the end of the year when my Mat Allowance runs out, but the thought of working on top of what I already do (have three) fills me with dread. I do find 3 very hard, but I think it is because the last two are so close together. Our third wasn't planned, but he is a delight and I wouldn't be without him - I would still think hard about going for a third tho.

If it were me.

Which it's not.

apparently it was tasty Slick, although I declined the offer to try some (I'd just eaten you see)

Meant to say, I was trailing round the shops the other day with all three of them and they were all tired and moany and my back was really sore. I got to the check-out at H&M and I had forgotten my card and had to use another and I muttered something to the girl about having 'one of those days' and she, totally without thinking said, "Oh well, never mind, you can relax when you get back home."

Cue: uncontrolled snort of derisive laughter from me. Ahhh bless her. She has no idea. She might one day.

Bubba that truly is gross Did DD2 eat it willingly or was she forced to eat it by DD1??

Slick lol at the shop assistant - you just never know what it is like until you have one (or 2, or 3....)

Great night here - yeah!! Absolutely no disturbances, I woke up at 6.25 and dozed a bit until 6.45 when we needed to get up....and I actually had to wake both boys up for what seems like the first time ever Am feeling very invigorated today!!

Also DH is on holiday this week and both boys are at nursery all week (apart from Thursday) so we are enjoying some lovely quiet child-free time before the chaos starts of me going back to work and all that that will entail!!

No idea Ceebee, the girls were in their room "playing" and we were in our room next door. Having said that, DD1 had poo-free hands, so it must have been voluntary .

It was gross beyond belief.

Do I get Bad Mother of The Week/Year award?

That is so gross... poor little thing!

So far today is going by ok, except my wonderful bank froze my account - they suspected fraudulant use... dh was not impressed when he went to pay for his petrol oops that not very supportive is it

Cant poss imagine 3, unless other two were at school, but then I wouldnt get to enjoy those precious hours on my own. Oh well, I've got 5yrs to change my mind lol!

Difficult half hour today, picking dd1 up from nursery. I was freezing cold because I hadn't put a jumper on, thinking it was still summer. Was worried that dd2 might be cold too so was in a real hurry to get home. DD1 on the other hand was very tired so was walking really slowly, so I kept trying to pull her along and almost shouted at her several times. If anyone saw me, they must have thought I was the stereotype of a mum of two who can't cope!

I made one post and slammed for negativity. Mumsnet mafia again.

Why would I think twice about posting again?

I was not in my teens when I had ds as one post suggested. I was 36 - so no luxury of time there. Currently trying for number two and know this will mean a three year gap between children, but still very scared. I stand by what I said. How can parents expect two children so close together to be anything other than really hard work?

Errrm scota, you sure you're on the right thread here?

fgs - yes i am. Ds is 2.2 and very energetic so I know exactly what being a parent is like. Why doesn't anyone want to answer my question? One is hard (makes us stressed and tired, although we love them to bits) so why have another so soon?

I am genuinely interested in hearing why people choose to have two so close in age. Even though I had ds at 36 I simply could not have ever comtemplated two under two.

actually not a bad day considering I was night shift last night (doing extra hours to get spending money for our holiday). got up as normal 6.30am monday morning and havent been to bed yet! boys were surprisingly well behaved at soft play this morning with only one tantrum that a dummy resolved.

I always think we have done well if no-one has been told off, i havent ended up screaminglikeanbanshee-- shouting at anyone and both boys have gone to bed after their milk & story.

Slickbird - tbh I do love my life. The boys are great fun and life is never boring. Some things are more challenging (supermarkets, trying to get two boys into carseats in the rain, shopping in general) but I wouldnt swap places with anyone. I dont do anything any different from any other mum. However its nice sometimes to have a moan to others in a similar boat

scotagm - as you genuinely seem to want answers, the main reasons for me to have had my first two within two years of each other were, first and foremost I wanted the children to get on and play well together, which I felt they would have more chance of doing if they were closer in age.
Secondly I didn't want to only have one child, and not knowing how long it would take us to conceive, I wanted to start trying sooner rather than later (in case time ran out on me because of my age).
Thirdly I got the baby hormones quickly - I just wanted another baby. Simple as that.
Fourthly, I didn't want emerge from the difficult nights and nappies/potty training, only to start it all up again a year or two later. Having two or more under the age of two/three, you're up in the night anyway, changing nappies anyway, watching them like a hawk anyway (well, in theory ), that you might as well be doing that with two.

Scotagm - mine wasnt a planned gap. After a medically horrendous 1st pregnancy involving major surgery whilst i was pregnant, my consultant advised me I wouldnt conceive again naturally. I had no reason to doubt this because of the nature of the emergency and figured I was lucky to have not miscarried DS1. DS2 was very much wanted but a total surprise (I actually had 8 positive tests lined up on the window sill before it began to register).

sometimes we dont always choose the age gap but just get on with life.

Scotagm I did plan my age gap - was aiming for just over 2 years and ended up with a gap of 2.4 years - mainly because I wanted them to grow up together, and as someone else has said, I didn't want to finish with all the 'baby' things (nappies etc) and then start all over again.

And yes, I knew it was going to be hard - but I admit I was maybe naive in not realising just how hard it was going to be. Plus, when we started TTC no2, DS1 was about 15 months old and was not quite the handful he became once he hit the 'terrible twos' - of course I was about 5 months pg by that time so a bit late to do anything about it

Anyway, I think this is irrelevant as, for whatever reason, everyone on this thread is here for support because it is hard. Just because we made the decision to have children that doesn't preclude us from asking for support to get through the difficult times does it??? Or are we now only allowed to ask for support for things that we have/had no control over??

Scotagm- I wanted mine close together as there is only 18 months between my brother and myself and we had a very close relationship growing up and I wanted my children to have that. It has paid off as DC1 and DC2 are now old enough to play together. Also, although some people wouldn't mind going back to the nappy and baby stage I felt that as I was already in that mode I would prefer not to have the gap.

It is really hard going. I will have 4 under 4 soon but it is also very rewarding. This thread is so we can support each other through the tougher times. Just because we are choosing to let off steam on MN does not mean that we would want are lives to be different.

You are more than welcome to stick around if you are genuinely interested in our life decisions but please don't undermine our group as I have found it very supportive.

It's nice for the children as well to be close in age, Scota. I personally felt three years or even more would be too big a gap, mainly because a two year gap is what I know from my own family, DH's family and friends' families.

When you decide you're ready to get pregnant again, there is no predicting what your DC1 will be like when the new baby arrives, or how difficult or easy your second baby will be. DD1 was really easy at one year old, now she's 2 she's slightly more challenging, but how could I have foreseen that? Or how could I have foreseen that DD2 wouldn't sleep through from 3 months old like her big sister did? You just go for it and hope for the best, what else can you do?

You may find that a three year gap is in fact even harder than a two year one, from what I have seen on other threads, so good luck to you.

Why do we even feel the need to justify our thread?

Hope everyone had good nights and is feeling happy this morning. Shame about the rain!

And, 'How can parents expect two children so close together to be anything other than really hard work?'

Of course we expected it to be hard work. Doh.

Well said Feierabend - we do not need to justify this thread or why we planned our families as we did.

It is about support and I think its a fab thread where we can have a little moan and give each other a bit of encouragement/advice. Whether we expected it to be hard work or not - it is! and we need all the support we can get

From what I've heard from others, any age gap up to about 4 years is very hard work. And anyway, tbh most of my daily trauma is caused by my 'lively' 3yo DD, not my 5mo DS. So if I was only a mother of 1, I wouldn't be on this thread, but would probably be on one called 'support thread for people with a strong-willed toddler finding it tough and not believing that there might be light at the end of the tunnel!!'
DD had us up 4 times in the night, whilst DS slept through until 8.30am! I wouldn't be without either of them, as I love them to bits, but sometimes you just need to vent otherwise you'll go mad!!!!

I'd like to join too, please!

Like Roomfor2, I'm waiting for number 2 to arrive (due in Dec), when DD will be 2 and a half. She's a lively one and demands loads of attention (don't they all??), so I have no idea what to expect when no.2 appears. Fingers crossed!

I'll be watching this with interest...

Welcome schihaserl! My DD is just coming up 2 and turned into a bit of a tantrum nightmare but DS who is now 3.3 is a lot better so maybe by December you will have a lovely co-operative DD!

I found that when DS2 arrived last December the best thing I could do was to put him down as soon as he was fed, clean etc so the other 2 could have some attention. DS2 is now 8 months and demands his own attention but I don't think he suffered when little and when the other 2 were in bed I would sit and cuddle him!

You'll all be pleased to hear, poo was off the menu today

Well I think we've had enough justifying our thread. How was everyones day? My ds has gone on a sleep strike today, woke at 6am for a feed and didnt give in until 4pm. Just as well my mum was round today otherwise I dont know how I would have managed. Dd was being her usual 'spirited' self. Although shes only 2.3 its like having a strpy teenager in the house lol! When do naughty dd's become little angels?????

Dd starts nursery next week and although Im looking forward to the quiet time with just me and ds, but I cant help feel like a bad mum for shipping her off so I can have a break. Its only 3 morning sessions a week, so not long. Is there anyone else in the same boat?