support thread for people with a baby and toddler finding it tough and not believing that there might be light at the end of the tunnel!!

[exasperatedmum]

I've posted numerous times before bemoaning the fact that my now nearly 3 year old dd is spirited/wilful/challenging etc etc, and drives me to distraction. Am on an emotional roller-coaster every day, and am shattered as 5 month old obviously not sleeping through, and bf every three hours. Every time I post I get a cluster of 'know how you feel' posts but no solutions as there are none, I know!! So I wondered if there is anyone else out there who feels like me, and whether we could sort of help each other through, because believe me there are days when I think I'm not going to make it!! I keep telling myself "She's only two" and "I'm in charge" but feel like I'm being run rings around. Can't decide if my expectations are too high, and I'm just turning into a witch of a Mum, or if I'm trying hard to have boundaries and be firm with a very non-compliant toddler. Baby has reflux so that isn't helping my general mood. I always thought I'd love parenthood, but honestly I find it the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, and would love to have just a teeny tiny break to revive my flagging spirits... but no chance. Anyone out there?!

Sorry if this is not helpful but,
I was feeling a bit worn down /tired of just being mummy
but then I spent a day with my extended family on my mums side and it was wonderful...
Everyone was just helping me with DS while I could sit back and watch him play with everyone and laugh and have fun, I didn't have to do anything and everyone was just encouraging me to enjoy this time while DS is small.
An experience like that really puts the enthusiasm back into being a mum/family. Can you arrange a family reunion.

Can i join please?
dds are 23mo and 11mo.
dd1 was such an absolute joy to be around then about 2 weeks ago hit the terrible twos and is making me feel like setting up white wine on an IV.

meh, I've been up 3-5am two nights running - they are taking it in turns to keep me awake gaaaahhhh

Just got two minutes peace there and now DD2 is awaike. Am shattered as DH away at the moment and it's killing me!

Hey Meep! See you on the other side.

Back later.

Hi, I could have used this thread a year ago! DS2 is 14 months now though and things have gotten so much easier. My boys (DS1 is three) play together most of the time leaving me free to (dare I say it?) watch them from the comfort of the sofa while I drink coffee It's still hard, but infinitely easier than last year when their needs were so different. Hang in there... (I can't imagine having another kid though and going back to that really tough slog where I was exhausted and felt overwhelmed so much of the time. Hats off to all of you with more than two!)

I had a long lie this morning - dh did the morning battle. I feel (a teeny bit) revived! Alas I did the lunch battle and dd1 is napping with an empty tummy

I did have a joyous moment when we did "row the boat" with dd2 sitting facing me, dd1 behind her holding round her tummy - a giggly baby and a giggly toddler made the world a better place

In our house DH had the lie in That's not right is it, when he sleeps through the night feeds?

Feierabend No. Tis not right. Get him sorted.

Meep and Abdn I know what you mean about the wee ones starting to appreciated each other. We have that at the moment with DS and DD2, they sometimes just look at each other and laugh at each other (for no apparent reason, but hey, who needs one when you're that age and everyone's having fun? ) and it really really makes me feel happy. It just gives you a glimpse of what will be in the future. DD2 already plays with DD1 and although they battle sometimes, they get on great too and I feel dead lucky that so far, they all seem to like each other. I'm sure it won't always be like that, but I'll take the good times when I can.

DD2 is hell at the moment and I think it's cos DH is away. She's not really eating her food, which is really unlike her and I don't know if it's cos she's missing him, or cos she's nearly 2 and getting fussy or just had a growth spurt and not really hungry. I'm not worried, but it's not like her. Hopefully when DH comes back she'll be back to her old self. Wee shame, cos I can't explain where he is!!

becky7000 - when DC4 arrives?! much respect, I am trying to take heart from all those who say that this stage passes and think about ttc DC3, do you go through this phase again but with an extra child? Is it possible/bearable?

phdlife - my DH is away for a fortnight in Ocotber too, dreading it.

abitlonesome - I know what you mean, we went to my parents this weekend as they were babysitting DN and it was fun watching the 3 grandchildren together (DN is 4months older than my DD), but then anything which dilutes them is good in my book!

fieirabend - I am making DH do the overnight shift atm as we are breaking DD of night feeds and she doesn't have the milk option from him!

Hope everyone else is having fun with housebound hyperactive toddlers and preschoolers!

Hello - please can I join too? Having one of those "feeling like the worst mummy in the world" days having gone round and round in circles with Dd1 (turned 3 last week) this morning repeatedly doing things I have asked her not to do so we're both exhausted.

Also have 15 week old twins. Fortunately they are easy babies and most days I feel like I do ok but do have days and this is one where I feel so mad at myself (and guilty) that I don't have the time to give her that we have had for the best part of 3 years. She is so little still and I know I probably expect too much from her.

Actually can anyone help with what are realistic expectations for behaviour from a just turned 3 year old?

Realistic expectations from a 2.5yr old = different to what he could/did/wanted to do yesterday!

Hello! Am reading a book called 123 Magic which was recommended to me on another thread. If you can get past the american style it does talk a lot of sense about dealing with troublesome toddlers, 2 upwards. It's here.

Today was a day when DS1 was at nursery, so not too bad, but he seemed to be really resentful and cross with me after his tea, and is really expressing some anger with us. Not sure how to deal with it.

magnummum - I would say that a 2.5 year old should be able to obey instructions like put your shoes on, or put the book away. You probably couldn't expect perfect table manners, but not throwing food on the floor and sitting and eating nicely is probably reasonable.

Is there anything specific DD1 is doing/not doing that is a particular flashpoint?

My dd's are often most infuriating when they are bored - usually coincides with me having to do housework or indeed any task that means not focusing on them. Bundle them into the pram and go to the park, feed ducks, buy a few penny sweets. If you can't go out have some indoor activities they can do - a pile of paper, crayons, some gluesticks and an old argos catalogue = hours of sticky paper fun with minimal supervision needed.

Can I join too. DS is 3.4 and DS2 is 6 months.

I love them both dearly but things are exhausting at the moment. DS1 challenges and negotiates his way through every instruction.

I have to say the 3 year old stage has been the hardest so far... why does noone tell people this when deciding it would be a good time to have another baby

Morning all

Magnumum I would say expectations of a 3 year old are not to expect much at all and then anything you do get is a bonus I do agree with Yorky though that what you get one day is going to be completely different the next - so infuriating!! DS1 has been getting dressed for nursery quite happily for weeks now....until this morning when he refused!! Not really a problem at the mo as I have all the time in the world but when I go back to work in 3 weeks time, if he does it again, he will be bundled in the car in his PJ's

Today is going to be a good day.....cos both boys are at nursery Just getting DS2 settled into nursery as he starts going 4 days a week next week So I am off to the gym and then the hairdressers and then maybe a lovely long afternoon snooze I had to get up twice to Ds1 and once to Ds2 last night - literally only for a minute or so to resettle them but it still disturbs my bloody sleep!!!!

Good to read this thread - some days are lovely (DD1 2 1/4, DD2 10m), and some days are hellish! Put a 'star chart' behaviour thing into practice and that's helped massively (when I remember to use it properly!). Potty training one while the other is learning to climb stairs is fun .

Am I completely mad thinking about TTC for #3 ??!

hungrierhippo - oh no - I thought things might get easier once dd1 turns 3 - eek!

Agree with jemart that boredom sparks off the worst behavious. I find it hardest when dd2 is napping (she is a mega sleeper so usually a couple of hours) - dd1 gets very difficult as she's bored. So today we have tken the wshing out the machine, hung it out on the line (she was in charge of pegs), wrapped up some presents for friends, and done the dusting! She is a happy little toddler this morning

Now........how can I stop her waking up at 5.30am (and waking up the baby)?! Very jealous of your snooze time today Ceebee! Slick I just tell dd1 that "daddy is sleeping" or "at work" and she accepts this as him not being there - it is heartbreaking when they go off in search of them though.

BubbaandBump - yes you are mad at thinking of no.3 - but it will be lovely too!

Any potty training tips from everyone? We had some potty interest a month ago - now it is ignored and I am just not making a big deal of it - she is only 2.2!

meep it will be lovely (at times! ) Our DD1 started potty training herself (again ) at about 2.2 too. We had had the potty around before that and she'd sit on it for fun for a while, then she just took it upon herself. Was brilliant at the start as there was loads of praise. There was a lot of looking at wee and poo and being delighted ! It's probably the hardest bit of being a mummy I've had to do though!

DS is most interested in the potty when older playmates are using it! Knows what to do and how to do it when they're here. Without an audience, even a wildly enthusiastic clapping mummy - no chance!

Bubba, if you're mad so am I, just the technical hitch of her being asleep so we can try!

Meep - I used to use 'Daddy's at work' a lot, whenever he wasn't at home, now DS just opens the kitchen door, waves to me and declares 'I just going work!'

Can I join? Had 2 days of crap since dh went back to work after paternity leave.

dd2 (just over 2 weeks) is a pukey baby (though I'm a bit concerned it's the formula so am trying to relactate), doesn't like to be put down anywhere and generally needs lots of attention.

dd1 2.4 is playing up. Today when my mum phoned I had to stop her throwing things, putting a wet nappy bag over her head and pulling on all the telephone wires. Since 4.30 she's been on & off the naughty step and I've just shut her in the hall cos the naughty step isn't working (she thinks it's a game to get up and down, hit me when I put her back on it, throw shoes at me...if she's not doing that she sits on it for 2 mins repeatedly saying "I'm sorry" then promptly goes back to misbehaving as soon as she's off) and I needed a break.

OOOoooh Becky I think I feel for you the most. That must be hard going, but like everyone says, when you get through the tough baby-stage, think of all the happy play time stage you'll have with them. Good luck with the pgy.

Meep DD2 has just this last week started being funny with her food and only having a few mouthfulls of each meal which is really not like her. I called the HV and she said, apart from teething for the back teeth, aparently can get like this a two-ish (can't remember with DD1 too long ago) and she suggested letting her graze when she wants to, putting mini sandwiches out that she can reach, giving her things to dunk like pitta bread and humous etc and even letting her spread stuff with her own plastic knife etc. I'm usually quite strict about meal times in terms of us all sitting at the table, but she said where poss, for other meals at least, let her roam if she wants to and that there's plenty time for getting her into better habits etc. What did you're HV say about it with your DD1?

Re; sleeping children. I've always mused that we go through all this effort to have kids and then spend the whole time trying to get them to sleep! And yes, you can forgive them anything when they are sleeping angelically!

Its amazing to see just how many other stressed out mums there are. I havent had time to read all the posts, dont get that much time to myself!!
DS is nearly 3mths now and still wont settle for sleep during the day, doesnt help that if I do get him to sleep on me after a feed, DD then wakes him up with her noisy play, cue load scream...............!!!!

Tried potty training DD but it was a disaster, clearly neither she nor I was ready for the struggles and the mess. In the end we both hated the potty!! Hope to try again when DS is older and doesnt need me to be a constant presence. Anyone got any tips for getting anything done with a baby and a toddler - even CBeebies doesnt hold her attention long enough anymore

craft I totally sympathise. Im still in a mess after DH went back to work and that was over 2 months ago! Wish I could say it gets better... but Ive yet to get there myself.

Gonna try and grab a quick cup of tea before the next onslaught of feeding and tantrums.

LOL Greenfingeredmummy - your life sounds like mine.

Re potty training - we delayed doing DS1 until all was settled again (DS1 did not take to DS2's arrival well at all!). We kept finding excuses not to do it until nursery gave us a push a few weeks ago just after DS1 had turned 3 - it was completely plain sailing, hardly any accidents at all and he is now pooing and weeing on the toilet quite happily - so my advice is to leave it until they are 3

Well ladies - I had a full night's sleep last night No visits from DS1 and DS2 didn't wake up either I think that is a first - in fact I heard DS1's footsteps on the landing this morning and assumed it must be about 4.30/5ish and then he came in shouting 'DS2 is awake' and I looked at the clock and it was 6.45 I am a happy mummy this morning!! I suspect it won't happen again for a while